Hurt and confused “dad”

This is your daughters wedding and she wants her biological father to take part of that. Unfortunately to an extent you have to respect her wishes and put your feelings aside. That said, you do not have to pay for 100% of the wedding. Its not your responsibility to take care of your adult kids. I think its so awesome you offered to help so much but it sounds like you sort of want things to go your way (i.e. not including his family) rather than her way. I totally understand having ill feelings towards her bio dad and not wanting him there, but again, it isn't your day.

I'd sit down and have a serious talk with your daughter, if it upsets you so much that he is coming that you no longer want to pay for all of it you need to tell your daughter and help her understand why before she gets too deep into planning.

I am so sorry. Tell her than you know she is disappointed, but so are you. Tell her it would be best if she paid for her wedding, and have the wedding she wants.

Its your daughter's day. You are going to need to push through the day and be there for her.

Trust me when I say that I understand where you're coming from. Also trust me when I say that your friends and family know what your ex is all about and won't be judging you or giving him the "honor" that he seeks nor will they be making jokes at your expense. You do have to respect your daughter's wishes, but I see nothing wrong with letting her know how you feel about it. In the end though, it's her choice. I respect you for not pulling your funding though because that would look manipulative if you did.

MOB, I don't see pulling funding as manipulative. The bride essentially changed her thoughts on the wedding. Her privilege, but I have NO problem with mom saying we respect and love you, but this is totally different. Then stop and let her talk. Bride will have to say, well I spoke to me dad, and changed by mind. Well that happens. But this is not what mom signed up for.

Kenisha, do you think that mom should have to pay for dad and his family to attend?

It sounds like she was manipulating you to get you to pay for everything. She told you that she wasn't even inviting her bio dad then turned around the very next day after you agreed to pay and told you she's not only inviting him, but he's walking her down the aisle. I wouldn't blame you for pulling the funding after that manipulation.

I really hate this attitude of "it's her day, she's the only one who matters" that is so rampant on this site. A person isn't entitled to be selfish and inconsiderate of everyone else just because they happen to be getting married.

This. It was either inadvertent or deliberate, but if the bride cannot understand the consequences of her actions, she is not mature enough to get married.

Her mom doesn't have to pay. Her bio dad is still her dad in her mind, hence why she invited him. Manipulation or not it's not the moms wedding and she doesn't have to pay for anything if she feels so strongly about it. It is the brides day, and the bride can pay.

I can understand that this came out of left field for you and you feel hurt. Bottom line, this is her father. The father that you chose for her, she had no say in that. I understand how this could hurt you, but I would caution causing a rift with your daughter over it. Please tell her how you feel. How it brought up old feelings of hurt and betrayal. Remind her of how your husband has stepped up for her. She knows that. I don't think including her father will totally exclude your husband. Put your feelings aside and ask her how you can all work together to make this an amazing day for everyone. Leave the hurt and the pain in the past, where it belongs. He can no longer control you. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband and that is what counts.

Best of luck to you!

It's your daughter's choice and that is her father.

His family, including his children were invited. The kids were actually in the wedding party, so I don't think it was about me trying to control her. That was never an issue. The change of heart in such a fast turn around is where I am confused and hurt. If I wanted another wedding, I would just throw myself one.

I never told her not to. I asked why the change of heart? One day she is asking to be adopted and walking down the aisle with father who raised her, not intending to even invite bio, the next she wants him completely involved. I am not withholding money I promised. I just needed some guidance on how I am supposed to stifle and swallow having this abusive man take over for a celebration current husband is paying 100% for.

Thank you. My friends are good people. It is his toast and drunkenness, nasty remarks that will forever haunt this day...and no, he hasn't grown up. The kids say he still says unkind things about me whenever he has an audience. Thank you for your support.

I'm glad you had a good dad. He was not one. Ever, to any of his children by their multiple mothers. I didn't ask her to approach my husband to walk her down the aisle or adopt her. I feel like it was hurtful and inconsiderate if she continued to have residual feelings for wanting bio in the pic. His other kids continue to call him dad and go out of their way to see him and I don't say a word, but apparently HE does. He just got married this month for the 5th time, and didn't even bother to tell her, let alone invite her. I would love it if she wanted to wait and pay for it herself. She told me she waned to be married and only do it once. I wanted her to have a special day to share with people who love her and not a courthouse wedding. There will be remarks, because this man has made EVERY.SINGLE. EVENT in my children's lives dramatic, filled with shade and ulterior motives. I wish it were going to be just about her, but it will not be. Thus, asking for HELP to get through this and still enjoy it, get over the hurt caused by my daughter's actions....but you know, hope it works out for you. You may be a little more like your mother than you think, only throwing it a different way.

My heart goes out to you. Some of these comments are not really understanding where you come from in your position in your daughter and husband life. You promised to fund this wedding and with that being said I believe she should have discussed her change of plans with you. I am sure your husband is hurt and my prayers are for his strength thru the whole ordeal. Yes this wedding is about her but if she really wanted things to be about her then she should be paying for everything. May God protect you and your family from the toxic events that may unfold during the wedding and reception. Stay strong and don't let negativity ruin what should be an happy occasion.