Hosting a shower getting out of hand

That's a great response, but I would remove the like in "we would need to keep it to like 25 people". I worry she will think that the guest count is negotiable and will start with "well it's only 10 more people..."

Your house can't hold 35 people, end of story. I don't understand why this bride doesn't get it! So, 35 is out if she doesn't want it at the apartment complex. You only other option is to rent a space. And if that's too expensive for everyone hosting, and the other bridesmaids are too chicken to tell the bride all of this to her face, then sorry but you're gonna have to be the bad guy and tell the bride all of this.

I would just tell her how you're feeling. That you want to host but you either need more help or she needs to work with you.

If she is doing that... then i would let her know that if shes not going to let you host or plan it for her then your out! It seems harsh but if your being open with her and shes going behind your back.. thats not cool!

The larger and more upscale the venue is, the higher the cost. If the bride doesn't care for the type of shower that you can afford to host, her options are to accept it or politely decline. You even tried to give her an alternative venue to hold more people. As for the cake, you don't owe her a specific type of cake. You do what's within your skill level, time constraints and budget. I mean, it's fine to provide some inspiration but if she made it like a demand, that isn't cool. I honestly blame pinterest! It's really easy to get carried away with cute photos and grand plans without thinking about the price, time and practicality.

Anyway, I think the message you crafted was great. Be firm and straight forward. Tell her point blank: this is what I can offer, period. I would be careful with blaming it solely on money because she may be able to scrape a family member who will be willing to kick in some money towards the shower and you'll be left planning a much more elaborate event than you had intended, Time to plan is a factor too.

NO no no no NO. She's the guest of honor. The host decides all of the details. HER party is the reception and that's where she can express her dreams.

You can disagree but you can't then turn around and call the people you disagree with "rediculous." What if she absolutely has to have 100 close friends there? You just open your bank account and do it? No. Offer opinions when asked, fine. Demand certain things, nope.

I'm actually 100% serious. My intown family is 22, friends included. If I add in friends and if out of town people could make it, I'd be over 30. And I have a small family. If someone was throwing me a party and didn't take I to consideration what I'd like or what I wanted. I'd be upset. Hate is a strong word. I'd be appreciative but I'd be hurt that someone didn't take me into consideration when planning a party for me.

30 people doesn't have to be that expensive get some fruit and veggie trays make some finger sandwiches and have some chips. It can be done you just have to find the way to do

I am NOT saying that this is what OP is doing since she gave her the option of 2 venues and they are seeing if family can host them family shower. I'm sorry that this conversation has gotten out of hand. I stand by my opinion and you can stand by yours. OP I hope you have throw a great shower.

If the community room isn't "nice enough" and she's demanding a special custom cake, I highly doubt that a fruit/veggie tray and some chips & dip are going to be satisfactory to this bride.

OP you are doing fine. You have given her 2 options that are perfectly reasonable. Have the other BM offered to host, since they agree the community room "won't do?"