FMIL problems

You need this as well:

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

ETA: Did your FH say anything to that comment about no taste in women? Cause I know my DH would have shut that down and wouldn't speak to her unless she apologized to me.

I'm sorry she's causing you problems. I am having bridesmaids drama if it makes you feel better. Hope you are able to work it out before the wedding.

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^?

ETA: I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's on the wrong thread.

@almostmrscorcino yea... not funny at all

@mrs.CK he didn't tell her anything, but now he doesn't open the door when she visits us

Whoa - that is horrible! What did your FH say or do? How did he react?

I'm going to steal LMac's thunder and suggest you guys read the Boundaries books. Even putting her awful comment about you aside, you should both decide and agree on clear boundaries when it comes to his mom.

http://www.boundariesbooks.com/

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. How long is your lease? What did FH do when she said that? If FH did nothing at the time, did he do anything after?

I have had to break a couple leases, if that is what you are interested in doing. Usually if you find someone else to rent the apartment (not subleasing, the new person signs a contract with the owner or manager) at the same price then you can get your deposit back, but you would have to talk to the owner first to see what is possible.

If you guys decide to stay, you can plan to move out as soon as the lease is up.

In the bigger picture, your FH needs to speak with her about a couple things. First, that she can't just drop by even though you live in the same building. Second, that her opinion of how the place is decorated is something she needs to keep to herself, and that her criticism in this matter is not wanted. Third, that she is never, ever to speak disrespectfully about you again. Lastly, that if she can't comply with the second point, she will not be welcome in your apartment, and if she can't comply with the third point she will not be welcome in your lives.

He needs to tell FMIL that she must apologize to you before she can be apart of your lives again.

If he won't do any of this, I think you have some thinking to do about whether he is the man for you. No partner should stand by and allow this to happen. If he can't draw appropriate boundaries with her, this will never end and it will only get worse once you have kids. He does not have to be disrespectful, but he does have to be firm.

@OP well that's a good start. I do suggest the boundaries book that Lynnie posted, and you should also lurk and read DWIL as well.

Wow, I'm sorry that happened, that is really an awful thing to say. I agree with alwaysms. - look for another apartment to see if you can have someone else rent it or as soon as your lease is up to move.

She also needs to apologize to you because that was unacceptable and very mean of her to say. It sounds as though FH needs to set boundaries with her as well.

@Susana, I'm so glad you mentioned that your FH doesn't open the door when she visits... I was going to ask if she had a key! I was going to recommend to get that key right back ASAP but it sounds like you always had that under control, good for you!

I will never understand why certain people do not understand boundaries and that stupid comments like that hurt people's feelings. Not just your feelings since you overheard, but your FH's feelings as well.

I probably wouldn't have even looked at the building in the first place knowing FMIL lives there

If he wants to see her, he should go to her house bc what you're not about to do is disrespect me in my own house.

Nope! Not today, Not ever.

Wow, how awful! I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I'm curious about the lease as well... Could FH have a talk with her?

Oh no - this is terrible! She's awful. How long are you stuck in this apartment? Is it month-to-month, or is it a year lease?

OMG! That is horrible. You were right, and hopefully this is a lesson learned for FH and you can both get through this year without totally ruining the relationship with his mother. What did your FH say about her comment about taste in women??? I mean, that is a SERIOUS insult that for me personally, that would damage my relationship with my MIL permanently. I hope he stood up to his mom. He needs to learn to set some boundaries ASAP. First of all, his mom owes you an apology. She is not to be allowed over again until you get that apology from her. If she has a key, I would change the locks - my MIL does not have a key to our house because I can't trust her not to come over whenever she wants. Once she has apologized, your FH needs to set limits - for example, she needs to call before she comes over. That's the only advice I have for now, I'm sorry. What a terrible mess!

I understand where you are coming from. I am in college... A non-traditional student at age 27. My fh is 22. We meet at school. He always lived at home to save money. Well, this remaster I decided to save 3,000 in loans and move in with them instead of getting a dorm, we had his mothers blessing. It has been hell ever since. Needless to say I am moving back into a dorm next semester, the loans are worth it!

And yes.. He does stand up for me.