First-look photos....advice

I feel like it's not really her moment to be stolen anyway. It's about you and your FH. But the point of the first look pics is to capture that moment...so she'll still get to see his reaction to seeing you.

That's what I said! She can see the pictures of it afterwards. But she doesn't get why she can't just be there. I'm so frustrated.

One of the points is that it's an incredibly intimate moment between YOU and YOUR FH. Not anybody else. That was one of my favorite moments in the day, and under no circumstances would I have agreed to have somebody else there.

Some people came to hang out with my DH before our first look. Fortunately, we had two photographers and they were great at telling them to go nicely.

But in all that, it seems to me you'll have difficulties with your mom through the whole planning process if she believes these types of moments are stolen away from her. And yeah, you need to be ready to compromise if she's paying, but typically parents do not decide if they're going to be present at the first look. I'm sorry if this is too blunt, and I understand you love your mom, but this sounds really controlling to me.

I believe it is completely between you and your FH. I am kinda in the same boat but it's BOTH sets of parents. More my FMIL and grandparents than anything. I just explained to them that we want to do it for OUR memories. There are going to be so many emotions going on during the ceremony and we want to do it so it is just about us for those moments. Obviously, the whole day is about us, but with so many people around and so many meet and greets, we don't want to lose track of why we are there in the first place. So I say more power to you! I would just explain to your mother why you want to do it and why it is special to you. Then all you can do is just let her sit on it awhile. Maybe she just isn't used to the idea. Good luck!

We aren't doing a first look, but if we were I would make sure it was just the two of us (and our photographers) I agree with what you said, we wouldn't been as comfortable if there were people watching us, it wouldn't make it as special in my opinion. I'm sure your mom Is just excited and doesn't want to miss anything, but hopefully she will begin to understand that this should be an intimate moment for you two, after all you most likely won't have many more private time all day!

I'd say leave it between the two of you. I know its your mom, but you aren't going to make everyone happy. Just explain that its an intimate moment just between the two of you and you don't want it to feel unnatural or staged. Show her some first look photos of other couples - check out photography blogs, you will probably be able to find something. After seeing some pics, she might understand.

We are doing first look and I will not let anyone else be there. Its our special moment and no one elses. FH's grandmother was against it at first, but I just stood my ground and explained this is what it is, this is why were doing it, and I can't wait. I think you need to just stand up and tell your mom. I don't think this is something you should have to compromise on because she is paying. Her paying was her choice, it doesn't mean she gets to make decisions like this.

Thank you so much ladies. I was beginning to wonder if I was just being silly about this. I think it's a good idea to show her some examples of pictures. I'll tell her my reasons again, and hopefully she'll understand. These things are so stressful!

Alina, if you want private first look, then let the photographer knows so they can look for a good location for best lighting.

First look only takes a quick (2-3)minutes the rest of the time is taking photos with bridal party, so you can save time after the ceremony to mingle with friends.

Actually my dad was there for it, he was videoing was I walked down, but then started taking pics, so he didn't actually get the first look on video like I thought :-/ ..But I did tactfully ask him to go take pictures of the bridal party who were waiting in the limo so then FH and I could go take a walk and get more pics. I think he got the hint; he kept taking pictures like over the photogs shoulder kind of thing which was another reason I tactfully asked him to go take pictures of my sister and rest of the bridal party). He was fine with that.

It's really up to you; you only get this experience once..maybe for your mom you can have like a "reveal" with other relatives who weren't there iwth you getting ready like a few aunts or grandmas or whatever? before the ceremony.

Also I only told a few people after the fact that we actually saw each other before the wedding; it's not like guests have the right to know or that it's any of their business really.

One of the reasons I want to do a first look (besides the major time saving) is that it will be just me and him, probably for the first time that day, and quite possibly the last until we are in our suite at the end of the night! I'd rather have that special moment just us two than have to share the emotions of seeing each other for the first time will a hundred people.

At my cousin's wedding they did their first look with EVERYONE there. Bridal party, parents, aunts, uncles, photographers, etc. Looking back she said she hated it. So if you definitely want a first look I'd say do it alone.

First looks are intended to be intimate, just between the bride and groom.

Have a heart-to-heart with your mom and say that while you're grateful for everything she has done for you, this is one moment you need to yourself. It's a private moment that you'll never get back, and it would not be the same if she was there. Tell her you'd be more than happy to have her be the first to see the first-look photos.

I'm getting ready at my house. It's kind of tutor style with nice gardens out the front. So I'm thinking that I could have FH waiting at the bottom of our big steps and I could come out the front door behind him.

I was thinking, as a compromise that if she really has a problem with it, that she can watch from one of the windows upstairs. I just don't want to know that she's there. I talked to FH about it, and he agreed that that would be alright, but he also doesn't want her, or anyone, save the photographers, outside with us.

So hopefully she will be happy with that! Thanks everyone for their advice and reassurance that I'm not being completely ridiculous with this

This is strictly for the two of you. Does your mom expect to be there in the honeymoon suite too? The wedding is about you two...and of course your families are important, but they aren't going to miss anything that concerns them. Congrats on doing first look photos - I've never had a bride and groom regret doing it.

Haha funny FH asked that too . I think she's just more traditional so she's having a hard time with some of the non-traditional things I'm going with (ex. we're not having a wedding cake, but a bunch of different flavoured cheesecakes, and she really wanted the big fancy wedding cake) so the first-look is "out of her comfort zone" I guess. She's used to seeing weddings where the Bride walks down the aisle and Groom sees her for the first time and gets all emotional or whatever. So she thinks that's stealing something from the guests and especially her who now don't get to see that reaction. And while I understand where she is coming from, that's just tradition and was never really those people's moment to see, so I feel I can change it up and do it how FH and I want. The more I think about it though, I know this is just for us, and she can't be there. So I'm going to write her a nice email explaining my side and hopefully she understands!

Now that we've decided to go with first look, I'm really looking forward to it! I think it's going to be a nice moment for us