emotional break down :[ how do i be there for my FH?

My FH has worked so hard to make it to who he is today and i cant help but think that he deserves better then this. How do i stay strong for him? his family should be there to support him.

i also want so badly to email his mom and tell her how much it hurts us that she cant be there for us after he has been there for her.(he flew half way around the world to help her with her alcoholism after she was trown in jail for drinking and being muslim) not to mention his family there calls all the time asking for advice and never following it once its given....

what should i do? help please. thank you so much

Oh my goodness, That is terrible! I don't really have much advice. Can you contact his grandmother and uncles? Maybe if they knew how he felt they would change their minds and come... If not maybe he's better off without them around anyway! Does he know how much it hurts you to see him hurt? What was the brother arrested for? This is just terrible!

Yea we can, his gma lives with his dad. she just said she didnt care to come. what hurts the most is that his family doesnt even seem excited for him. and 5 of his siblings wont be able to come bc they also live in the middle east and there dad, the rich guy mom left for, fears the swine flu and doesnt want them to come to america... which is total bs.

he knows it is hurting me, but his thoughts about it is that he can't expect more from them he knows how they are... but i know it still hurts him

his bro was arrested i think for violation of parol. for previous drugs. i dont know how my FH came out such an amazing man with all the issues his family seems to have but i am so blessed to have found him.

Wow, I am really sorry you guys are going through this, and so close to your wedding! Your FH seems like a great guy. I don't think I would email his mom, at least without your FH's permission. While it is your family and your problem too, this is something that he needs to do if he chooses to.

I understand that you two will be hurt if these people do not show up for the wedding, but do you think they will be there for you or him for the rest of your lives? If not, I wouldn't dwell too much. From what I have gathered, your FH isn't as close with all of these people as he once was. Simply send them an invitation (which I imagine you have), and just enjoy the day with or without them. It is about you two deciding to spend your lives together and if they don't want to be a part of the celebrating, they don't sound to me like people you want in your lives anyway! Good luck with this!

I'm sorry to hear this Shell. You probably don't realize how much you're already doing for him just being with him. It sounds like you're the best thing in his life and having you is probably quite enough for him to be happy and not let this really tear him down! Just keep letting him know that you love and support him.

What is their reason for not coming to the wedding? Is it too far for them? is it too expensive?

His mom isnt coming bc she fears she will have problems with drinking once she is here... her drinking is totally selfish anyways.

the grandma just doesnt care to come. which hurts him alot because she really has no reason at all.

his uncles, its alittle far, but they have come down before, they live in reno NV and we are in la CA. and we gave them lots of notice.

im just so upset bc he deserves the best and i want the best for him.

im not going to email his mom, but i just really want to give her a piece of my mind you know?

we do have very close church friends that are our family that we are so gratful for, and your right our 'bio family' wont be there for us like our church family...

just thinking about his own mom and grandma not coming to the wedding is so heart breaking :[

At least you can take comfort in that you have each other. Family is not just about blood. Unfortunately, someday his family will realize how dsyfunctional they are (whether it's in this life or not) and how much they have hurt people. All you can do is let him know how committed you are to him, how much you love him, and that you will be your own family.

Shell I'm so sorry for the pain that you and your FH are going thru. My only advise is to keep praying.

Aww Shell, well all you can do is be there for him. None of my family will be at my wedding. I had a tough relationship with my mom through the years and I was informed last friday for the 1st time that she never wanted a daughter. She told me this is herself after I made another attempt calling her. I broke down, cried so bad that the next day, my eyes were still swollen. My FI was there for me. So was his family and my neighbor who acts like a mom to me. They assured me that it is her problem and not mine that they love me and that is all that matters. They let me know that I will never be able to change her ahnd that I have to do my best to let it go. It hurts, trust me I know but when I do look around at the people that are in my life, I consider myself lucky. I do have a lot of people that love me and I have finally come to terms with my mom and realize it is her loss, not mine. Just be there for him, talk with him, listen to him and just as you do, continue to love him. GL!

THANK YOU!

I was there last night, my eyes are slightly swollen today from crying. it just hurts so much to feel so unloved by family. i know we have eachother, but its just going to take some time. its just so hard and so hurtful to have his family not care, i'll keep praying for strenght and i know we can do it, its just hard :[

I'll be thinking and praying for you and FI Shell. As I said, I know exactly how much it hurts, when my mom said that to me, it felt like my heart was ripped out but here I am a week later and I feel strong because I know I am loved by many and she is just one.

I am glad you were and are able to heal from that. that is just so horrible for a mom to say i almost cant believe it. i am sorry you had to deal with that but i am glad that you are strong now and can put in into perspective that others that are just as if not more important love you.

thanks for sharing and for the encouragement to get thru this.

<3

I just checked out your profile/pics. You guys look so cute! I have felt like defending my FI the same way when he gets a guilt trip or does not hear from his Dad (when we called to say we were getting married & called to ask if he could come when we set the date) and he has left messages for my FI when he is drunk... I try to remind him that he is not like his father and that he is a wonderful man.

Sounds like you have been showing him why you love him so much & that you guys will have a wonderful life & family even if his mother/grandmother & uncles are not involved. It is a shame, but sounds like you are doing everything you can!

Have a wonderful wedding (since the date is coming right up!) Hopefuly the day is beautiful & you have a wonderful time with those closest to you & happeist for you!!

I'll say a few prayers that the next few weeks go smoothly for you both!

In my opinion, just because you are related by blood does not make them family. Family are the people around you that love you and care about you. You can't pick your relatives but you can your family. Be happy that you have found one another and cherish the people around you that do love you. What about your family? I might have missed reading this but how is the relationship with them?

But the thing is, they are flesh and blood and have been close to him, which is why it does hurt. his mom hasnt always been there but when she was they were close. and he does deeply love her even tho she has deeply hurt him. he has forgiven her for all the hurt yet still more hurt comes.

and yes my family is here and we have good relationships. my dad will walk me down the isle and my family will all be here for us.

Your love is the most important now Shell. I believe everything will be fine. Even though it is very hard, he has to just accept the facts and go on with life, none of us can change it. Just keep being there for him and all will be ok

Thank you traci_bob, and Chelsea.

i just needed to vent alittle and it helps to know were not the only ones dealing with these types of issues. and to have advice to listen to.

thank you so much ladies for the love and support :]

You are so welcome Shell, anytime! You just hang in there and keep your love flowing!

As a wedding planner my heart absolutely breaks for you. We've seen so many different family situations. Weddings do bring on some strange reactions by those that we want to love us so much. It is their loss, but that might not make you feel better right now. If it helps, just envision the joy in knowing that you are going (if you plan to have children) to nurture the relationships with your children and cherish your family (related or not) to an extent that others might only dream of. If you plan to have children, think about their wedding days in the future and the smiles you will be blessing them with and all the good work you are going to do between now and then. Through your lifetime together you will amass people in your life that are doing to cherish you.

Even the ones we have great relationships with can do things you might not expect. Everyone is experiencing their own emotions that they might not know how to deal with. Group hug time!

Truly, all the best to you!

If they are that heartless that they won't attend the wedding, then it is their loss. You and your fiance should have one focus - each other. Continue to encourage each other; concentrate on your special day and let nothing interfere with it. If his dad does not have any money to help, that is fine. The main thing is that he is there for moral support for both of you. It is about family - love and doing what is right for the both of you. It is your special day - the two of you are starting a new chapter in your life. Enjoy it....

Connie...Heart and Soul Events