Did you invite person or this person???? My mom is driving me nuts!!!

We're dealing with a similar situation with FMIL but it's not even their friends it's like, second cousins and stuff. There's just continually new people and we're already at our limit.

View Quoted Comment Its annoying. We are not at our limit but I don't care.. we cannot afford to invite everyone they have ever talked to.

Our wedding is in 2020 and I’m sure we will hear this. My fiancé and I are paying for it and we have already written out the guest list. It will be a HARD no if my parents or his try to invite others. It’s a celebration of you two and in my opinion an intimate event. Our guest list is 170 people, this is including us, our two sons and the adults who have about 40 kids ages 12-a few months. We’re thinking around 120 will actually come. That’s not very “intimite” but it’s our huge families (we stop at cousins and their kids) and then a few coworkers and our friends. As far as invites I think we only have to send out 60-65, nearly all of our guests have children. Even if your parents are footing the bill I would ask them if they could tone down the guest lists a bit because this isn’t what you had in mind.

View Quoted Comment They are paying for nothing! And this is why I turned any money they offered to help with the wedding. Because I knew I would hear well we paid for it so we get a say. Right now our is at 170. I order 70 invitations. And that's enough for a some of our coworkers. I'm not adding anyone they want to the list. I refuse to let my mom help with the invitations because i dont trust her to address them

I’d show her the list with a post it note saying “If they are not here, they aren’t coming. Don’t ask me. I’m busy.”

Do we have the same mom?! 🤣 Mine was very adamant about letting us know they would NOT be helping pay for the wedding though. My dad is a contractor and is building us a home for very cheap, so I totally understand and appreciate what he’s doing for us! I could see my mom sending out some invites that we didn’t approve of still though. I have a feeling mine will come unglued when she sees I haven’t invited some of my cousins and only close family, that I actually have seen this past year and other who are close to us. Just don’t let the stress get to you and go postal on your mom. Lol. I think part of it is that they’re so excited they just want EVERYONE there. But in the excitement they don’t realize this all adds expenses and maybe everyone doesn’t want every Tom, Dick and Henry and their wedding.

View Quoted Comment I shouldn't have to do any of that. She can just listen to the words coming out of my mouth. She doesnt pay for anything wedding related.. so it's none of her business who got invited and who didn't. She had her wedding now this is my wedding.. I've had those conversation with my parents for too long that I am done being sensitive about it

It's hard to not feel like a jerk for saying no, we had a completely locked 100-guest wedding. I had included very close family friends from the beginning and over time I did after time invite one couple (b-listed after we got a couple declines) for each my in-laws, and my side, which was okay. My parents originally wanted 3 couples which is way too many.

Both sides were able to stomach one set of friends for each side.

I continuously told them that our wedding was very intimate, and we had already invited all of my parents family that were all spread out and that they rarely see their family members as it is.

After we sent out the invites we closed things up saying that the cut off was over and that we got all our RSVPs back, and we had sent a final headcount for food and drink to the restaurant/venue.

My parents even tried to bribe us with more money to invite more friends. To that we said that we're not negotiating. It's incredibly painful, I get where our parents come from, they just want to show the world your love and have more people witness the celebration. In any case, keep reassuring them that it's going to be great, and they and you will already have so many people to spend time and catch up with.

In the end my parents probably still would have loved to have their group of friends join, and were able to meet our friends, which perhaps was a good distraction.

My Mom and I had this discussion... she wanted a few people invited "that she knew", basically people there that she could interact with. I ultimately told her now to a couple and the ones that I caved in and invited, already have plans and won't be attending... Oh well. My Mom took care of the venue and my FH and I have paid for the rest, so I eventually had to break it down and tell her that he and I were paying for stuff, so No. We had the ultimate call on the guest list. Good luck, I know this can be a difficult battle to fight.

View Quoted Comment I have invited a few of my mom and dads friends because I've known my whole life and they are basically family. So I want them there but I dont understand why that's not enough

View Quoted Comment I love my parents but omg!!! Haha it's so hard to just not freak out when they bring it up..

Me!!! The weekend of the list was the worse weekend of my life (well maybe not, but definitely close). My FMIL drove me crazy w/ their friends (10 couples, 20 ppl) and they insisted on inviting every single cousin. I eventually made the age limit cutoff 21 & only allowed first cousins. Sadly I lost the fight about the damn couples as they are “family friends”.

My my side was much easier - it’s pretty well known that we are too large to invite everyone, and only invite cousins that we talk too.

Presently I have 188 ppl, out of which about 65 are my side, all of my side are local & will come. We will see about FH side, but I’m guessing about 1/2 of them aren’t showing up bc they have to travel & the no one under 21 rule.

I totally get you Cynthia, one day my FMIL told us in a car ride that she wasn't sure which of her coworkers she wanted to invite and how she wanted to show them how we made good money and could afford a nice wedding. I simply told her well its $70 per person so when you know just give me the money and I'll add them. ****Crickets I couldn't believe how ridiculous that was like we don't know these people and you don't even really get along with them but you want them there to show them up? No, not on my time and def not on my dime.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!!! I feel that I have said it all and I've tried being very very nice about it for a while! But ya know I got other things to plan for the wedding..

View Quoted Comment No one under 21. That seems little nuts..

View Quoted Comment Yes girl!!! Move on and keep it going, oh best wishes to you in dealing with this.

I picked a venue with the perfect limit to only invite the people I wanted lol. So every time my mom mentions wanting to invite so and so I'm like nope. Can't go over the limit. Fire hazard haha.

View Quoted Comment Lmao!! 😂😭

View Quoted Comment Thanks girl.. my maid of honor had said to my mom "do you want her to freak out on you because she is pretty close to the edge" I laughed so hard..I hope wedding is going well for you too!

View Quoted Comment Yep, and still I have invites for 188x ppl of which 65x are mine.