Can I leave my mom out of my wedding?

Also, just to be more clear about the money for the dress. I've had a card for her bank account since I was 15. So, I didn't need to take money out for the dress because I had it. I was instructed to swipe the card once I found a dress we could both love that was in budget (50% of what FH's parents gave).

What the "bank card"? I'm confused as to who is paying for the wedding?

@Bride2Be2018, I posted it as a comment to explain it. It is a bank card that we have shared since I was in high school. Mostly her money, but probably some work study money still floating around in there!

@Krisitin because as some first gen children, I am "in charge" of her accounts - responsible for paying the bills, setting things up, etc. Just a first gen thing.

You can do whatever you want, but there are consequences to everything.

And if your wedding is in five months, I would be very worried about getting a dress now.

I think it's just a matter of deciding what's more important to you, not having those to siblings there or having your mom come. It's not a good situation or a fair one, but I think you would be "in the right" whatever you choose. Just don't burn any bridges you might value later.

@AL, As I said in the PS - they are both samples, we leave the store with them, and my alterations lady doesn't need it until Feb 3rd. So, as long as I have it by then, I am in the clear. 8 weeks.

@Kelsey - them being there isn't an option. It's not even close to an option. I am just so frustrated she is acting this why.

8 weeks is how long my alterations person needs...

If Caribbean women don't bluff, then you stick to your original plan of inviting who you want!!!!

@Leila It just upsets me that my original plan included her! And that she would put having two siblings at the wedding versus being at the wedding of the first child getting married!

I totally understand your frustration, her mindset it totally backwards and selfish. I'm sorry hun

I understand where you're coming from. I cut my mother out of my life over a year ago, so she wasn't an option but she has now pulled my brother into her drama which is causing him to not be invited. My husband and I had a very clear understanding that we only wanted people at our ceremony that we're truly happy and supportive of our relationship.

My mother was not invited and I discussed nothing with her. She totally was not going to be a part of it.

My alterations took close to 4 months because I changed sizes and the seasons changed. Also, you have no idea when those samples will be sold. You need to buy a dress now.

@Chrystie That is how FH sees it! Just hurts that my mom!! would be acting like this. I just can't believe it.

@Beachy I may just have to be as strong as you!! I never thought this was an option.

I'm so confused.. why as an adult do you have access or control of her accounts?? I'm the oldest and i don't control my mother's nor have access to her accounts. I've never had a debit card to any of my parents' accounts. Is the dress paid for, just not alterations?? Sample dresses aren't guaranteed to still be in stock..

So, who's paying for the wedding?? If you feel that strongly about your siblings not being invited, she should understand and respect why. I'm unfortunately inviting my sister, I DON'T want to, but it'd be far worse if i don't. I already have to hire security in the event she does attend so she doesn't cause massive drama.

@HisBeauty Both of my parents are immigrants (now citizens!) of the US. My mom is the only parent I talk to. My mom doesn't know how to work technology, and so I am pay the bills for her. Her money, I just do the work. When I was in high school, my checks were deposited in there. So, I have a bank card because that's just how my life works. It's not a big deal. Just life for some first generation children.

I understand and there seems to be a cultural factor of you being first generation. You have every right to have who you want to be there, there. Like someone else said, she can make a decision and you can make a decision- neither right or wrong but what is in your own best interest. Be prepared though for a continued fall out. I met with my divorced parents a month after i got engaged and laid out rules for them and told them if they could not follow them, be agreeable to one another or drama free then not everyone was needed to be there as I would not deal with it on the wedding day as it would not be fair to me, my FH, or my guests.