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Dedicated December 2019

Discussing wedding in front of people not invited

isabel1115, on March 19, 2019 at 1:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

How have you guys navigated talking about the wedding in front of people who are (probably) not invited? In the beginning, I was so paranoid about talking about it in front of people until we had a better idea of the invite list that I just put off telling people we were engaged.

We haven't sent out any save the dates yet and are still finalizing the guest list but basically, I have 3 scenarios.

1. Coworkers: They will probably not be invited. I try not to talk about it in front of them too much. Did once a lot after a cocktail and deeply regretted it (This was when our wedding was almost one year out). I've mentioned it in passing very occasionally/when people ask otherwise.

2. Friends who say things like "I hope we're invited" or "are we on the list?!" They are most likely going to be invited. I think I handled this ok: I didn't respond to the former and to the latter, I said "we are still working on the list and getting an idea of the family guest list before we get to the friends."

3. Friends who were invited but now I'm not sure. We hung out and they asked about it and I talked about it because I did plan to invite them anyways. But now I'm not positive...no drama or anything...just had a bit of change of heart. Now I feel like I have to invite them though.

Yikes.

13 Comments

Latest activity by isabel1115, on March 19, 2019 at 8:48 PM
  • Sophie
    Super December 2020
    Sophie ·
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    Just be honest if it comes out. Most people are married or have been to weddings and know how expensive they are. I’m in the same boat though. Besides coworkers, I definitely avoid talking about the details with a lot of people because it gets so uncomfortable
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  • Jessica
    Super May 2019
    Jessica ·
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    I'm just as careful as I can be. You'll have inevitable faux pas but....that's life.

    1. I think you're fine not to invite coworkers even if you've discussed the wedding with them incidentally.

    2. You handled that great! I did the same when I was asked by a family acquaintance. "The venue space is limited but we'd love to celebrate with you and hope we have room!'

    3. That one is a little tricky. Without a STD you're probably technically ok not to invite, but if there were extensive conversations about the wedding and you led them to believe they'd be there, I'd still invite. Or be prepared to explain as needed.

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  • A
    Dedicated May 2019
    Allana ·
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    I kind of have the same issue! However I've decided that this is still a big thing in my life and so I dont avoid talking about it. However I dotn bring it up every second or in every conversation. If someone asks me how the wedding is going then I start to elaborate! It does get really awkward and even more so when people say they hope they are invited! I do my best not to discuss who is or isnt invited. If they really push I just say we are trying to keep it really small and intimate. But do not feel bad for talking about it in front of them! this is a huge and important day and you should feel free to talk about it openly! If they dont understand that is thier loss. Smiley smile
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    You are not obligated to invite anyone, just because you talked about it. This happens to just about everyone, so you are not alone. I have these same three scenarios going on right now. I have pretty much stopped talking about it to anyone who isn't directly involved (my BMs/FH/FMIL).

    People still ask questions occasionally, but I do what you talked about. I keep it vague, and say that we're still finalizing our list, still researching vendors, styles, etc. Anything to change the subject!! lol

    Just remember that when it comes down to it, you will want to invite those closest to you and FH. But there are lots of others we interact with in our lives that don't really fall into that category. Everyone asks about weddings because it's a joyful thing, and people are happy for you. Some may expect an invitation--doesn't mean you are obligated to send one--even if they chatted with you about it. I would just keep the chat to a minimum, especially for those folks you know you won't be inviting.

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  • F
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    I only talked about my wedding if someone asked. However, I did regret it almost every-time afterwards, because I'd tell them one thing, and a few weeks later the answer would have changed because my FH and I changed our minds.

    I believe most people understand however that weddings constantly change...didn't make me feel any less crappy about it though.

    One thing I'd say though...don't invite someone because you feel obligated, only invite those you actually want to celebrate with. I personally believe its more meaningful when you can enjoy yourself around those who truly love and care for you and are with you everyday.

    Good luck!

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  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
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    Sometimes my coworkers ask me. I am not gonna ignore them but I sort of keep to myself so I don't over the moon discuss wedding plans with anyone really. I find the entire process really draining anyway, so I don't really feel excited to talk about budgets and everything that has been frustrating thus far.

    I don't hang out with anyone I wouldn't invite soooo I don't experience that one. Our circle is relatively small so we don't really have friends we hang out with regularly who wouldn't be invited.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I wouldn't bring it up at all if anyone is there you aren't inviting. I'm sure your coworkers will understand, it's good you only brought it up once. For your 2nd scenario, I'd just laugh & change the subject or pretend you didn't hear it. For the 3rd, I would just invite these people.

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  • Jenna
    Super October 2019
    Jenna ·
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    I haven't posted anything about our wedding other than a post when we got engaged, and I posted one picture from our engagement shoot but didn't mention that in the caption (so it was essentially just a photo of us but clearly a professional photo). A couple people still commented saying "can't wait for the wedding!" but luckily they were both family members who are definitely invited. My advice would be to limit posting on social media the best you can. I won't post anything else until probably my bach and showers and by that point, it'll be so close to the wedding that people will probably figure it out by not having an invite.


    I was out with two friends a few months back, one of them who is/was definitely invited, and the other who I don't know as well and at the time, I hadn't decided if we were including her at all. My closer friend started asking me detailed questions about the wedding and I was put on the spot to answer, but I really didn't want to discuss details in front of the friend I wasn't sure about. I tried to keep my answers as brief as possible and change the subject as soon as I had the opportunity. My friend didn't mean anything by it and I think she assumed the other person was invited, but we have since decided not to include her. The good news is I have only seen her once since that day and she hasn't brought anything up about it. I did have a conversation with my friend who is invited though and asked that she doesn't bring it up again in front of people who aren't definitely invited. Unfortunately there's not much more you can do!

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  • Kate
    Devoted November 2019
    Kate ·
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    It's so hard! In a perfect world, I would invite my not-as-close friends from high school (because we once were) and coworkers I've known for 5+ years. But my FH has a large family, so that's not going to work out. I don't bring up the wedding to anyone outside of my closest friends/wedding party/family unless someone explicitly asks, and have been really careful not to post any wedding details on social media. And if anyone does ask and I sense they're trying to gauge if they're invited, I am *sure* to mention that we have a ton of family.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Stay clear of inviting through word of mouth. If you invite them in person (whether it was casual or you were drinking or not), then you should invite them.

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  • Leigh
    Dedicated January 2020
    Leigh ·
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    I feel relatively comfortable talking to my coworkers because we’re definitely just coworkers and I don’t think they expect to be invited. Weddings are fun so they ask, but there’s no way they want to or would drive 2+ hours to my wedding.
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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    Yikes, I share the same fear as you and have not told anyone about the engagement except people who are invited to the wedding. I don't enjoy awkward wedding conversation with people who aren't invited to the wedding that I don't know, so imagine how much more awkward it would be with people who I actually do know. Luckily, it hasn't gotten out yet. I wear my ring out most of the times, but not around people who don't know I'm engaged because they're not invited. I'll probably announce my engagement right before my bachelorette (2-3 weeks before our wedding) haha.

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  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
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    Haha luckily I am veryyyy careful not to do this!

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