Disappointed in Family /Vent

He simply said "We wont be making it. Sorry." - if it was simply a no he could have RSVP'd but instead flat out ignored my invitation until I contacted him about it. He does not live in state but all of his children live here and him and his wife return to the state once every 1-2 months so I don't see why he can't plan a visit the week of my wedding. I've always know this family was a mess but it really hurts when I don't even merit a 'Can Not Attend' RSVP when I even wrote my address AND put a stamp on the envelope for it.. Or to be ignored for 2 days and a few messages because I could even get an answer. And with my grandparents - my grandmother had to be the one to tell me about grandfather choosing not to come, because he had also chosen the 'ignore it and it will go away' route with the invitation and rsvp. My grandmother is unhealthy and can not drive anywhere on her own, and she's very depressed about missing the wedding but I can't pay for her transport here and she lives too far away for someone else to swing by and pick up, and my grandfather thinks his grudge with my mother for something she did 15 years ago is enough to entirely skip my wedding.

It's all a mess and I'm really depressed and hurt that my family doesn't even want to try and be at my wedding. They've attended every other wedding in the family. It makes me feel like an outcast and that just hurts.

I'm thankful that FH's family is supportive and close and loving and his aunts that haven't even met me RSVP'd back immediately. It's helped, but it's not the same as my own family not even saying "We're sorry we can't make it, We'll miss you, Congratulations." All I get is a "Wont be there, sorry." or nothing at all.

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know that it's not your fault. This is on them. They are missing out on a good relationship with you because of some grudge. Let them go and focus on those who actually want a relationship with you. Family isn't always blood. Build your own family out of friends and FH family.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! My family it too dysfunctional and unfortunately my own siblings, who are my only living immediate family, will not be attending my wedding. It is hard. Some days it makes me want to stop planning all together but then I remind myself of the amazing life and incredible family I will have after I marry my FH. No his relatives do not replace those who share my bloodline but it is nice to feel a sense of family again. Good luck and know that I will be sending hugs and good wishes!

Sylphier, I'm sure you're hurt, and for that, I'm truly sorry.

Somebody once told me that some of us have to realize that, despite our best efforts and hopes, that big family reunions, the ones promoted on movies that have all misunderstandings solved and family members hugging and regretting the lost years, is not to be. The sooner you stop chasing it, the sooner your healing will start. These people are not nice, and you don't want people -- family or others -- attending your wedding unless they care about you. The lack of RSVPs, and punishing you for a grudge held against your mother, makes it clear that they are not only disinterested, but they don't respect you enough to even tell you that they're disinterested. They made you come to then for that lovely piece of information, and that's absolutely disgusting, immature behavior.

It's okay to feel hurt, but it isn't in your best interest to linger in your pain. Your wedding is going to be wonderful, and at least you can give yourself permission to cut ties and move on with your life.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Focus on the good relationships you have and build relationships with FH's family. My FH family is very distant and he doesn't have good relationships with many of them but he has accepted it and has already started building wonderful relationships with my family members.

@Erin Wood you are 100% right and I do know it's not my fault but it still stings a bit. I have great friends who are traveling from all over to come to my wedding and those are all people I consider my true family. They've been there for me and are closer to me than my family ever has been. I just really wish for one freaking day my blood family could suck it up and pretend they care.

@PerfectlyPolin 3 of my 4 half siblings will not be attending my wedding either, but that was a choice I made from the beginning because they have been terrible to me and terrible people in general and I knew they would only come to cause trouble for me. I'm sorry you have to deal with that as well, it's just so sad to think that people who were supposed to be there from you right from birth don't care enough to be adults for one day. Hugs!

@Centerpiece You are absolutely right, and I do know it deep down but they used to have family get togethers yearly even with being like this [and they still do... but they stopped inviting me] and they attended all the weddings of my siblings and cousins. I can't understand how they can be so petty over something I was too young to even have affected. I'll just keep repeating my mantra of 'Its their loss, I'm better without them' and hope that when the day comes I wont think of them because of all the love and support from those who do care.

@Nas it really is tough when you only have a handful of family and they don't seem to care. You are right, it is their loss. The day will end up being better without them if they can't even make the effort for one day, but yes, still sad.

Your family doesn't deserve you as you stick out the olive branch and they swat it away. At least your FH's family is welcoming. Stay strong.

@Megan Yes that is very good advice. I have been focusing a lot on building relationships with my new family. FH's mother treats me as if I'm her own and she's already said she refuses to say that she's welcoming me into the family at the wedding because I became a part of her family 3 years ago. Now more than ever I am so thankful for them because I am not sure I could handle my family not caring if I didn't have support from FH's side. I hope your FH can find happiness with your family also.

@J.Clo You are right. Thank you. I'm doing my best to shake it off.

I am so sorry. I am glad that FHs family welcomes you. Honestly, it is not your moms's fault that she has no family left, but if your dad has been married four times, that seems like someone who has burnt bridges. Maybe his family is taking that out on you, maybe they are all dysfunctional. Please try to go forward.

@Karen unfortunately they see nothing wrong with my fathers behavior. His father [my grandpa] and all his brothers have been through 2-3 wives each as well. And I don't speak to my father at all and he will not be attending my wedding. A lot of his family see my mom as in the wrong because she made some bad financial choices in my childhood, but those pale in comparison to what my father did - just not in the eyes of his family. So because my mother will be attending my wedding, my grandfather will not step foot there. I honestly have no idea why the other family members have declined, so I guess it's possible they are taking feelings towards my father out on this. I know a few of them are fed up with him. Regardless, I just want them to grow up for one evening, a few hours.

I am so sorry for you. I can understand people married twice, maybe even three times if they are older. But four? that is likely dysfunctional?

@Karen yes that whole side of the family is very dysfunctional

I have nothing to add that PP haven't already said. However I want to tell you my heart hurts for you and I am truly sorry you are going through this.