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Beginner July 2018

Disappointed in dw turnout. Wanting to cancel

Fiona, on June 17, 2018 at 12:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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Having a Dw technically since most guests have to fly in for it since we recently moved (military).

I wanted it to be small and intimate, but now it's literally like 10 people including FH and I, and that makes me feel crappy and unliked.

Only 2 of his friends are definitely coming, and 4 of mine. I understood that low turnout would be possible bc of finances etc, gettinh time off work, but now I feel like our few guests will have a terrible and boring time. The wedding is in less than 3 weeks and my anxiety is out of control right now. The hotel rooms are refundable with a minimal cancellation fee (which I would provide to people myself), I just don't know if their flights are.

Ive always been an introvert who liked small gatherings over large ones, but I feel like our day will be so minimal and my guests will regret coming. Should I just call everyone, offer to pay their cancellation and flight change fees, and just have FH & I, & our parents at the wedding?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Fiona, on June 19, 2018 at 11:28 AM

Super October 2018
Michelle · on June 17, 2018 at 12:13 PM
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Small can still be fun. I only invited 10 people, 9 are coming (my friend is getting deployed three days before the wedding so he couldn't come). I think you should honor the people who were able to make it and throw the party you invited them to. They wanted to see you get married. I don't think they will get bored as long as there are food and drinks. If you are worried, maybe think of some games that can be played at the reception. There can be a lot more options when there are less people to accomodate.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on June 17, 2018 at 12:17 PM
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I would honestly be pretty upset if I set up travel arrangements, took time off of work, and did everything else necessary to be at someone’s wedding and then they called me and told me never mind 3 weeks before. Unless they were actually not getting married anymore. If you do it with your 4 parents, you’re essentially calling 6 people to tell them having them there isn’t important since others said no.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on June 17, 2018 at 12:25 PM
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Push forward and if you can, make it lavish. Clearly you were planning to pay for what 50 guests or more? Spend the same amount and really treat these folks to wine pairing, chef table, brunch, an activity. What ever you can do to make this special for them as well. Once you see them all having a grand time you will realize these 8 guests and the way this all worked out was for the best.

due to some future in law drama our wedding dropped from 150 to 115. We have a huge band and all the makings of a larger wedding. Yeah I'm bummed and worried about if it will look silly (I know 115 isn't small). Anyways, our wedding was already lavishand black tie and I kicked it up a few notches to make sure our 115 have a true culinary experience that they will remember for hopefully years to come.
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Beginner July 2018
Fiona · on June 17, 2018 at 12:42 PM
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Yeah you're right. I just worry that those few guests will come and be like "I paid money to show up to this??" And then it's still a similar sentiment
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Beginner July 2018
Fiona · on June 17, 2018 at 12:43 PM
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I was hoping for 30 originally. So not big by any means, but also big enough where people can mingle and not feel awkward
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Devoted September 2018
Neens · on June 17, 2018 at 12:49 PM
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Honestly- don’t sweat this at all. It’s going to be great and you’ll get to really spend quality time with the people that care so much about you! As PP said, maybe you can take some of the money you would have spent on more guests and upgrade some stuff. Don’t cancel, it’s going to be just as fun, if not more!
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on June 17, 2018 at 1:18 PM
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The best wedding I ever attended was a small wedding where the reception was held in a private room in a restaurant. We had fabulous food with wine pairings that would not have been in the budget for a larger guest list. It was truly intimate with everyone having time to be with everyone else.
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Dedicated August 2018
Mary · on June 17, 2018 at 1:39 PM
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We are only have 7 at our DW. We are going out to a super fancy Restaurant on the ocean... and I’m super excited. 10 is no different than having a dinner party... those are just as fun just in a different way than 50 people. Move forward and celebrate!
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VIP December 2018
Casey · on June 17, 2018 at 2:45 PM
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I don't think 10 is a bad amount at all for a DW. You're not unliked, it's just that people are not obligated to spend hundreds/thousands of dollars and their limited vacation time on a destination they did not choose. People who do Destination Weddings are putting the destination first - which is totally fine! It's your wedding, go for it! But because of that, you have to sacrifice having all your invite-ees there.
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Dedicated August 2018
McD to McC · on June 17, 2018 at 4:00 PM
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I 100% agree with this post. I wouldn’t suggest cancelling. Your guests may be out hundreds of dollars, if not more for those plane tickets. If it’s at all possible, try to go big for the people who are there. I love the idea of an intimate family dinner. I think it’ll be so memorable for everyone.
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Dedicated August 2018
Ashley · on June 17, 2018 at 9:02 PM
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We are having a wedding with 14 people... I can't wait! They are all super close to us and that's what matters
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Super October 2018
Michelle · on June 17, 2018 at 9:04 PM
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I am glad to hear that. My FH and I have a private room reception planned and hoping people enjoy the premium food and alcohol we were able to afford having less guests.
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Beginner July 2018
Fiona · on June 19, 2018 at 11:28 AM
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We are still gonna go through with it. Definitely wasting some money like on the accommodation FH rented for a big group of his friends, and only 3 people will be staying in (including FH the night before). And our reception had a minimum spend of $1800 so ugh gonna get the best seafood possible I guess lol. It's almost 200/person now

I'm also a pretty anxious person by nature so I just worry that people will judge how small it is etc, even if they don't express their disappointment directly.
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