Disappointed by covid engagement / wedding

I absolutely feel this way. It’s been extremely stressful. We were always planned for 11-13 however it seems like everyone keeps asking questions like “what are you going to do?” Or “aren’t you afraid” and they are just causing more stress. We had a 1.5 year engagement and that was long enough to be stressed out. Postponing just seems like a waste to me, I can stand the idea of having to worry about the what if’s any longer than I already have to. I feel robbed of an actual engagement period. I feel it was filled with more worry and stress than it was fun. My friends don’t seem to understand. They all got married pre-Covid. They didn’t have to worry about things like this. I’m sure our guest list will dwindle as well which will be hurtful to me, since Imade every effort to attend everyone else’s weddings. I’m excited to marry someone I love so dearly, I’m just disappointed that I’m not excited for the actual wedding.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree, im sad at not being excited. Im 4 days out and 3 friends just cancelled- im excited for the 20 tbag are coming but i feel like a loser at this point and not at all how i dreamed it wohld be

Yup, I feel you. We've had to postpone for 6 months. We'll have been engaged for 2 years at the time of our wedding. If it hadn't have been for covid, we'd have planned and been married in 6 months. It's disappointing and not what we planned. I'm sorry you're so sad about it. All I can say, being in a similar boat is - we're the lucky ones - we've found someone worth all of this hassle and drama to marry! We get to spend the rest of our lives with someone who we know from first-hand experience will stick out the hard times and step up. That's something to feel lucky about, if nothing else. I hope your day, whatever form it takes and whatever disappointments you experience, is still a magical, joyous day.

It's definitely been difficult & hard to keep positive with all the ups & downs of the pandemic. I totally get where you are coming from. I think the older I have gotten, the more I have realized & been able to put into perspective that although I have dreamt of my wedding since I was little, what has become more important, is getting to marry & spend my life with the most wonderful man I've ever met. So while the wedding may not be everything I have dreamed of, I am grateful to continue this life with a loving & supportive partner by my side.

I know it sounds cheesy but that fact alone has made everything else & all the troubles seem so small in the large scheme of things.

Plus, just think forward to planning a vow renewal 10,20,40 years down the line! Hopefully you can plan something more epic/what you have dreamed of then! At least that will be something to look forward to!

I hope your day still turns out so special & that you gain some of the excitement that you deserve when the morning of your big day comes!

"people keep telling me to focus on the good"

Learn these words: toxic positivity.

Listen. I am not saying you shouldn't be happy. Of course you should. You're getting married.

But you are allowed to feel this way about your wedding. Things did not turn out the way you imagined them. You are allowed to be disappointed.

People turn to toxic positivity because they are uncomfortable. They don't actually know how to handle your disappointment. They are hoping to shut you down with "focus on the good!" I am not saying they're doing this maliciously - society has conditioned all of us toward this dismissiveness and it requires active thought to get away from it. Society has conditioned us that if you can't solve the problem (which they can't) you just tell someone to "look at the bright side." We haven't been taught to simply listen and say "I'm sorry you are disappointed. You can tell me about it."

To OP and all of you ladies who have had to postpone and this day isn't turning out how you pictured: You. Are. Allowed. To. Be. Disappointed. I am confident that you will be happy on the day, and you will all marry your beloveds and it will be joyous, but it is perfectly reasonable for you to be bummed that your wedding isn't exactly like you thought it would be. And you are allowed to be both! You can be happy you are getting married and disappointed about your wedding.

Now for my own bit of toxic positivity: do make an effort to replace bad memories with good ones. There are methods to this, where when a bad thought comes into your mind you immediately think of a good one to replace it with.

Best wishes to you.

Hi! So my husband and I got married last October in a very small ceremony with just immediate family and we postponed our reception to this October (fingers crossed it's still happening). I can say that the months, weeks, days leading up to it last year didn't feel like how I would anticipate my wedding. I wasn't really taking it that seriously because, to me, it didn't feel like a "real" wedding. Well, the day came, and let me tell you, I still had all the emotions of a wedding day. I cried, I laughed, I danced and most importantly, I was ELATED to marry my husband and I beamed the whole day. I can say that if my reception gets postponed again or even cancelled, I'm so content with how we got married. Disappointed, yes, I don't think that will ever go away, but I never expected to be so happy with how it all turned out. So, allow yourself to feel all of the emotions on your wedding day, they're overwhelming! And as many have said, it's perfectly ok to be disappointed, but don't let it overshadow the best part: marrying your partner! Congratulations and have the best day! Soak it all in!!!

Its all about you and him. It does feel wired when some family members don't except your wedding invitation but try to think about all of the things that you are blessed to have on your wedding day moving forward.