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ElucidBride215
Savvy May 2021

Disagreement about when to postpone covid wedding

ElucidBride215, on May 6, 2020 at 6:55 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 15
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Does anyone out there feel conflicted with their fiance about when to postpone their wedding? My fiance wants to move out only a few months, whereas I would feel so much better pushing it off to spring 2021. We are both older (I'm 35) and want children so this is a big issue; however, if I worry I will have a mental breakdown if I can't have the wedding and honeymoon I want (and everything that is supposed to be happy with being a bride).

I don't know what to here. I want to respect his wishes but I need him to see how important this is to me, and how this is going to inflict psychological damage when I'm already feeling broken.

Sometimes I worry that if we select the fall date, and it has to be cancelled, maybe he's hoping I'll just say screw it and move on. But i'm just not ok with that.

Is anyone out there in a similar situation? How did you two resolve it?

15 Comments

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Is there a middle ground between the spring 2021 and a few months? maybe something like an earlier 2021 wedding date? or a later 2020 date?

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  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    Here's my concern: flu season lasts from October through April. Our new tentative date is early October, so in theory that's not bad, maybe things will be ok and social distancing somewhat relaxed (hopefully no masks being required). I'm worried that a later fall 2020 date would really be pushing it in terms of safety.

    I don't want a cold weather wedding, and I'm worried my sister's airport will shut down in the event of a blizzard if say it was March. Pennsylvania doesn't really to me even begin to feel warm until like mid-May.

    But I'm open to March as a possibility. I feel like you can't win no matter what you do.

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  • C
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chris ·
    • Flag
    Would it be possible to pick a date in the next few months and then select a backup date for Spring 2021 Incase the 1st date ends up not working out?
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  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    That's my concern. I'm afraid I won't be allowed to have a "soft hold" on a spring date, esp. with so many other corona brides competing for those few dates in Spring 2021.

    My thing is, I'd rather just bite the bullet and postpone to next year which would ensure a Saturday date, and a bachelorette, etc. with hopefully more people feeling comfortable, businesses being open to get wedding tasks done, etc.

    So I'm at a point that if we had to postpone the would-be fall date I'd lose it because time is running out for us.


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  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    "Sometimes I worry that if we select the fall date, and it has to be cancelled, maybe he's hoping I'll just say screw it and move on. But i'm just not ok with that."

    Do you really think this is his motivation behind wanting to marry you in the fall? If you really believe this, then there are major red flags in your relationship and I would stop all wedding planning and attend couple's counseling. I am serious.

    Everything in your post seems about so much more than just how much to postpone the wedding due to the pandemic. Take care, please!

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  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    His motivation for wanting a fall wedding is that we can try to start a family earlier, as opposed to putting it off for an additional 8 months when we are both at an age that is quite frankly pushing it, esp. if we want a possibility of a second child.

    He wants to marry me, that's not the issue. I meant it more in terms of not having a big reception and/or honeymoon. I know he wants me to have this, he wants to make me happy, and he'll wait, and has vocalized this several times.

    But my question for this particular discussion board is where does one draw the line between what is a reasonable date (in terms of safety and biology) and what is not.

    but you're right, this post exposes so much more than just about postponement, feelings of which I have addressed in other discussion boards.


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  • Lisa
    Beginner August 2020
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    We are in a similar situation. I am 34 and we want to start a family ASAP. We moved our June wedding to August (only available 2020 date left). We decided that if August still has restrictions we will legally get married with immediate family present, officiant, and photographer. We will then move our reception to 2021 but we will be married so we can start trying to have babies! I know it might not be ideal to be pregnant at the reception but I figure there would be 2 things to celebrate then Smiley smile
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  • Tiara
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Tiara ·
    • Flag
    I specifically did not postpone to the fall because I was terrified of going through the anxiety and stress of whether or not it would need to be postponed again. We moved it from June of 2020 to summer of 2021.
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  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I would get legally married in a super small ceremony now, and have a big wedding/vow renewal with everything you wanted a year later. It doesn't make sense to postpone to fall when fall brides are postponing now. There will still be restrictions. We are not projected to have a vaccine until spring of next year.
    • Reply
  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    I'm fine with getting married on the original date. The issue is when a reception would be. I can't wait past spring 2021 because we want a baby and I don't want to be pregnant during a reception.

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  • Monica
    Super October 2020
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    Is your August date super important to you? You could get married sooner than August, then immediately try to get pregnant, and change your reception date until late May.
    Now what happens if you dont get pregnant right away and ur due date interferes with your reception date? Why cant you go past spring 2021? Would u consider asking ur venue about August 2021?

    Im so sorry to say but seriously either way you put it theres going to have to be some kind of compromise. It really sucks but theres too many what ifs. My wedding was supposed to be April 4th we want a 2nd child and no way was I going to get pregnant prior to getting married because i did NOT want to be pregnant at our wedding. My first pregnancy was horrible and I dont want to be miserable. So now our wedding is getting pushed back another 6months and where does that leave everything? I have a choice to wait another 6mo to be pregnant which Im not willing to do because my daughter is already 5 yrs old I dont want an even bigger age gap than what there already is. Originally My fh did not want to postpone the wedding, he wanted to fully cancel after the wedding got cancelled but I broke it down how much money we would lose so he agreed to it, and I did not want our anniversary to be in October so we might elope sooner than October.
    You are going to have to find a balance of what ur willing to do. It sucks, sorry.
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  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    The August date is not super important to me, I'd much rather prefer the October date if I knew we could have it, I wanted to push it back to spring because I couldn't take the anxiety of it getting postponed possibly a second time.

    The issue is again the timing of the reception. We have no idea how long it will take to conceive, and pushing back a reception past spring 2021 is going to be an issue to plan, and to be frank, not going to happen because our venue won't allow us to schedule that much further out without incurring additional fees.

    so my question on this forum was what would you guys do? October 2020 and hope for the best, or spring 2021?

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  • Monica
    Super October 2020
    Monica ·
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    Welll my wedding has already been postponed to October so I absolutely am hoping for the best! But this decision is up to you. If you hadn’t mentioned pregnancy into the mix I would say go for Spring 2021. But since you want to get pregnant sooner than later im not sure what to tell you. You have to decide what is your priority.


    For me I already had my bridal shower in January. Was not planning on having a bachelorette. My honeymoon was supposed to be last week & was obvi cancelled (I was really sad but maybe we will try again in a couple years for a bday trip or anniversary) but it would not been important to me to try to make those events happen. I am not wanting to pushback getting pregnant so I am willing to be pregnant while celebrating my church ceremony & reception in October. Whether that means im going to feel miserable and/or my dress is not going to fit anymore.
    For you October I think you should be able to have all the normal pre wedding events and pregnancy can happen sooner.
    For spring 2021 you should for sure have no problem having your pre wedding events + for sure no guest count restrictions but your pregnancy will be pushed back.
    • Reply
  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    I'm really trying to be hopeful that a late September bachelorette, and an early October wedding will be okay. I don't want to wait if I don't have to. I was just conflicted about getting my heart broken over and over again. The idea of postponing twice is just unimaginable.

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  • Monica
    Super October 2020
    Monica ·
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    Yes hope it works out for both of us I dont want to have to cancel a 2nd time.
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