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Just Said Yes September 2020

Dilemmas!

Britnie, on March 9, 2020 at 8:06 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I have a three major dilemmas!

#1 Do I invite my father who I have not spoken to in over two years to our wedding? I know my mom wants us to hash things out and to invite him but that is not going to happen. Long story short her really hasn't been a father to me and is very childish and abusive. I just feel like that is going to open up a can of worms if I do. Then I can see him or my mom wanting him to walk me down the aisle. Even before I stopped talking to him (which has made me less stressed) I was not going to ever have him walk me down the aisle. I was going to have my future FIL walk me down but he passed away five years ago. Now I am going to have my little ten year old brother walk me down the aisle. I just haven't asked. My future MIL and many family members have been chiming in on the topic and saying I will regret it, but I do not feel that way at all. What should I do because this keeps me up at night.

#2 Do I have my fiancé's sister-in-law as a bridesmaid? She has been overly rude through out the years, talked behind my back and much more. I have never said anything about her and I have never said anything mean to her. Her and my future BIL like to drink a lot to the point of being belligerent. One time I asked if they were going to get an Uber because I just wanted them to get home safely and she took this the wrong way I guess because she went off on me and all I said back was I just care about you and your husband and wanted to make sure you made it home safely. Same day not even five minutes later I walked in on her calling me a b**ch and bad mouthing me. I still did not stoop to that level and I did not say anything mean back (which I could have). She never apologized and her husband (my finances brother) told my future mother in law (his mom) that I needed to apologize. Anyways point is similar situations have been going on for the past ten years. I hate going to his family gatherings because I worry that the two will take something I said out of context because they were drunk. My fiancé wants me to have her in my bridesmaid party (she excluded me on their day and asked all of her bridesmaids to be bridesmaids right in front of me) because he thinks that will make her realize she and I will be family by marriage and start being nice. What are your thoughts on if I should ask her to be a bridesmaid. And if you agree I should have her how do I ask her "lets start over, will you be my bridesmaid" (just hate the thought of saying I did something wrong when I never have).

#3 Minor dilemma lol.......I want to have the attire be formal attire for the wedding for guest. My future MIL thinks no one will come if I say formal attire. She wants me to change it to semi formal. My fiancé is no help lol he says he could care less either way. Please help!

ps. Sorry for ranting lol I have been so stressed on these two (first two) thoughts and I have been losing sleep over it

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Haley, on March 12, 2020 at 12:54 PM

Champion June 2019
Gen · on March 9, 2020 at 8:13 PM
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1. Absolutely not. Regardless of whether or not you make up with your father someday, your wedding is not the time or place to do that.

2. Absolutely not. If she isn’t one of your nearest and dearest she shouldn’t be in your bridal party. If your FH wants her in it, she can be a groomswoman.

3. “Formal attire requested” is the best way to phrase if this is a concern. Then people will hopefully dress formal but if they can’t or don’t want to then it’s not “required”
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 9, 2020 at 8:15 PM
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My thoughts:
1 - No. If you will not feel bad or regret it and feel he has not been a good father to you do not feel obligated to invite him. If you do he can be a guest and not walk you down the aisle. Your decision.
2 - No! HARD NO! Regardless of what your fiance wants bridesmaids should be your closes friends/family and people you want by your side. Making her a bridesmaid won't guarantee make her like you. If you two want to build a relationship then I would do other ways. I feel if she is rude now she will be as your bridesmaid.
3 - People that care about you will come and if formal attire scares them off then they did not give two flying (insert expletive) about you two. Your wedding so if you two are paying and planning do how you want.
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on March 9, 2020 at 10:24 PM
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1) No. Don’t make yourself more stressed!
2) No. I made my sister a maid of honor (I have two) because I felt obligated and we don’t get along at all and I regret it
3) I think people look forward to dressing up for weddings, I know I do. I don’t think saying formal is bad!
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on March 9, 2020 at 10:31 PM
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All of this. Don’t invite people you don’t want there, don’t add a bridesmaid who treats you like dirt, and request whatever dress code your venue call for. And ignore the statements of anyone who isn’t your FH when it comes to wedding decisions.
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Super August 2020
Alex · on March 10, 2020 at 9:50 AM
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1. Yes invite your dad. Put that responsibility on him whether or not he decides to come.
2. Only have her as a bridesmaid if you really want her. Don't do it because of an obligation.
3. The attire won't change attendance. Have whatever you want!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 10, 2020 at 11:25 AM
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You don’t need your sister in law as a bridesmaid. And the attire you can specify formal if you want but not everyone will listen regardless of what is specified
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Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on March 12, 2020 at 5:42 AM
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Honey child, first things first! It is your wedding and what you want (and your FH want) are top priority! That being said:
1} Absolutly not! Don't invite him because it "should be done" and make yourself uncomfortable on your wedding day!
2} OH HELL NO!!! Not only are you not close to this person, but she's been a trainwreck dumpsterfire as long as you've known her!!
3} "Formal Attire Suggested" is a great way to word this without being"demanding" but if you want formal then make it formal!!
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on March 12, 2020 at 12:32 PM
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1. No.
2. No.
3. I think dress codes are rude unless you're saying "Black Tie," which is much more than a dress code. People can dress themselves should be able to tell your level of formality by the formality of your invitations, the nature of the venue, and so on. (Of course, people are often stupid, but those people aren't likely to follow a dress code.) "Formal" on an invitation would eliminate me as a guest--I'm not buying formal evening wear for two to attend one wedding.
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Expert October 2020
Haley · on March 12, 2020 at 12:54 PM
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1. 100% no
2. 100% no
3. Then those people don't need to come. I wouldn't NOT attend a wedding because it was a formal event.
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