Dilemma

I wouldn’t attend if my SO was excluded.

View Quoted Comment As a bride would you tell a guest who they can and cannot invite?! I think this is beyond rude & hurtful.

It is rude of her to do that. It seems you have a few choices, although you already expressed a disinterest in one of them: 1. Talk to her about how this has upset you and see if you can resolve the issue, 2. Go to the wedding alone, 3. Not go at all.

View Quoted Comment I mean, in a way. If one of our guests is in a relationship, their SO was invited. We wouldn’t allow them to bring anyone else besides their SO. If they were single and we gave them a plus one, they get to choose who they bring. Did she give you a plus one?

View Quoted Comment I left out that I already RSVP'd.

Yes to plus one.

Did the bride tell you directly that she does not want your SO to attend or did someone else pass on this message? (It's unclear to me from the wording of your post.) If she told you directly, did you have any conversation then about why she feels the way she does? If you heard it from someone else, can you talk directly with the bride about what her concerns about him are (e.g., why she "doesn't like him")? If you are close to her, I'd try to understand where she's coming from. Have they had a difficult/uncomfortable encounter? Has she witnessed behavior of his that is concerning (e.g., out of control drinking/outwardly rude or disrespectful behavior/etc.)? I'm not saying your SO has done any of those things, but I'd try to understand why she feels this way (after confirming SHE does, if you originally heard this secondhand). After you've talked with her, you can decide whether you want to attend or not. If she's just being rude/petty, then I would tell her you are no longer able to attend her wedding. But, if she has a legitimate concern about him, I think it's worth hearing her out before deciding what you want to do. (You never know, maybe there is a side of this man that you've never seen/acknowledged.) Good luck to you!

View Quoted Comment My sister told me straight out that he is not invited while she and my niece were doing the seating chart and they saw my RSVP card. I have tried contacting both my sister & niece and neither have responded. He is a friend of the family who is extremely outgoing and fun. He is not a jerk. Actually, the entire family likes him (besides the bride to be apparently) so I'm not sure what the issue is. There will be 200 people at the wedding and she's telling me he would be the only one there she doesn't like? Ridiculous. I'm 36 years old. He and I have been friends for 8 years. He has known the family for 30 years. That is another reason i invited him since the family knows him. I was completely unaware that the bride to be is "not a fan of him".

View Quoted Comment This story makes me wonder if the bride has had an uncomfortable interaction with him in the past. I’d tread lightly, but you’re absolutely owed an explanation here. I recommend asking what’s up but try to do so impartially — ex if they say “well he hit on me once in the past and I do not want him around” accept it— don’t try to come to his defense and say “he would never!” — here her out then go from there. If it’s no good reason other than “meh he’s annoying” then it’s up to you to decide if you still want to go without him— it’s perfectly within your right to rescind your rsvp if she’s rescinded your plus one, but, know that there may be irreparable damage to the relationship (though, there may already be, with her rejecting your guest)

Honestly, he's plus one. It's not like he is your spouse so she didn't break any etiquette rules. Considering you are thinking about not attending your niece's wedding due to you not getting your way, I think you're being the rude one.

If you don't want to go, don't. Or you could even attend a portion like the ceremony only.

If you were invited with a plus one, there shouldn’t be any rules as to whom you may bring. If this is more of a budget thing and the bride is cutting plus ones, that is more forgivable. I still wouldn’t believe that she simply doesn’t like him and you can’t bring him unless it comes from her mouth. At which point you could discuss it. However if you were not invited with a plus one stated on your invitation, she is correct in that you should not bring your date. I understand that you’re in a relationship with this person, and it may not be fair if that’s the case, but it is also rude to assume you have a plus one attached to your name if there’s not. I think you just need to prepare yourself for what to do if he’s not invited for whatever reason.

View Quoted Comment

With the details OP has provided, as much as I'd hope for all of your sake, but especially the bride's, that it isn't the case, I agree with McSkipper that perhaps there is something here that you're unaware of. As much as your impression is that he's a great, fun guy, with long-term connections to the family, that doesn't mean he may not have done something in the past that resulted in the bride not wanting him around. I agree with you that at a 200 person wedding, one slightly annoying person shouldn't be an issue. So WHY is he an issue for your niece? I'd probably assume she has a reason. If he's been around the family for 30 years, that means he might have potentially interacted with her back to the time she was a very young child.... Unfortunately, sometimes people we'd least suspect can violate their friends' and family's trust in horrible ways. I'm not saying he's done anything, but unless your niece has a history/reputation for just being a spoiled brat who does things arbitrarily to hurt people, I'd either gently ask why she doesn't want him at the wedding or trust her judgment/decisions about who she wants at her wedding, and either go alone or not attend. I'm sorry. (I'm sensitive to hints at red flags.... A very dear friend's world was completely thrown off kilter when her daughter finally confided in the mom when the girl was in her early teens (after years of difficult behavior the mom couldn't make sense of) that the girl's brother had repeatedly molested her when he was 13 and she was 5.... Neither of the parents had ANY idea. My friend, literally, had to choose between two children she loved, and it was the hardest things she's ever had to do, but she and her daughter moved out of the house where her now ex-husband and son lived, so that her daughter could feel safe and start to heal.) When someone acts in a way we don't expect, there might be a really good reason.... I hope nothing like that is true of your niece, but please try to understand why she might be taking the position she is. Good luck to you.

Something obviously had to have happened to make the bride go this way it’s not like she just decided one day she doesn’t like your boyfriend. There is a reason.

Whether or not it’s a reason that you are aware of or agree with is an entirely different story!

If I were in your situation I would not attend the wedding. I would think that it was up to the bride and tell me what her problem was with my boyfriend and even though I love my niece I would not go to her wedding.

View Quoted Comment She got back to me and said "I just dont know him well, nothing specifically happened"

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry. That is awful.

View Quoted Comment I don't think I'm being the rude one. Breaking etiquette would be getting invited to a wedding with a plus one and rsvping with a plus one then hearing that you can't bring that person. That's rude & breaking etiquette.

View Quoted Comment

If that's the case, then yes, I think she's being petty (unless your plus-one invitation indicated that you were required to choose a plus one the bride knows well...), and if you don't want to go, I'd just let her know that, unfortunately, you need to change your response and decline the invitation....

Sorry, in my previous posts I didn't mean to suggest anything bad about your SO, just raising a potential issue/explanation. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment She may be nervous/uncomfortable telling you. I was molested as a child and I didn't tell my mom for years because her friends boyfriend was the one who did it. You have a relationship with this guy so she might think you would believe him over her..

View Quoted Comment If you're so worried about the etiquette, I'm not sure why you asked the forum. You were clearly leaning towards not going from the start