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Beginner December 2020

Dilemma and i am stressed out!

Cassandra, on February 2, 2020 at 4:53 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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Okay, so my FI and I are getting married December 2020. My best friend of 8.5 years is also getting married March 2021. However, she is doing a DW in the Dominican Republic and we/I would have to decide and start paying for it February 2020 and then it has to be paid off my January 2021. Now she is one of my closest friends and I also now live 10 hrs away from her.

We still have a lot to pay for, plus we only know roughly what our final number will be, which we will pay up at our wedding to all our vendors and venue. I am struggling with this because I know she is disappointed but she also doesn’t think me having to pay for my wedding/finances is a good enough reason to have to decline on going. Especially if I have to decide basically right now, the trip alone is around 2k not counting passports and flight.
We also want to have a honeymoon after the holidays and I am not using her wedding as my honeymoon. I am torn between my situation and wanting to see my best friend get married. Our weddings are only 3 months apart.
Brides that are actively planning/paying for a wedding. Any words of advice???

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on February 3, 2020 at 5:01 AM

Expert November 2020
Shelby · on February 2, 2020 at 5:15 PM
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First, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! 😊
Second, she should not be thinking that her wedding is more important than yours. Every brides wedding is more important to themselves then it is to other people.
Third, I totally see where you are coming from. You still have so much to pay for your own wedding , let alone don’t want to think about what you need to pay for hers. I think you are just going to have to keep explaining to her that as much as you want to see her get married as well you have other priorities that take precedence. I wish you luck! 🍀
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Dedicated May 2022
Jenna · on February 2, 2020 at 5:39 PM
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Congratulations to you! As a soon-to-be bride, of course you’re worried about finances! We all are! That’s totally normal. My wedding isn’t for over a year and I’m already freaking out about payments.

I wish there was a black and white answer to your question, but it might be something you need to have an honest discussion about with your friend. When people choose destination weddings or even invite people from further away, they have to understand that the cost is substantial for those invitees! Given that it’s a best friend, I think having a mature conversation and being honest about your anxiety over finances would be the best way to maintain the relationship without going to the wedding.
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January 2014
Pam · on February 2, 2020 at 9:53 PM
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If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. She doesn't get to decide the validity of your reasons. She decided on a DW and should be expecting to run into this with a lot of her guests.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on February 3, 2020 at 3:45 AM
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She's the one who chose a destination wedding. She should expect declines for financial reasons. I agree she does not get to decide whether your reasons for not going are valid. (Paying for your wedding is VERY valid btw.)

Honestly, it sounds like she is being bratty and for her attitude alone, I would not want to go.
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Dedicated April 2020
Krista · on February 3, 2020 at 4:09 AM
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Apparently a controversial opinion, but I’d drop everything for my best friend. It wouldn’t be a question. A month before my wedding I’m flying to see her run a marathon and I know she would drop everything for me. For goodness sake I picked her to be my maid of honor over my sister! I get you don’t want to compromise your honeymoon, but...she is giving you a long to time plan and chip away. If you did the whole “round up” so safe the left over of ever dollar for all the small purchases you would probably be ok.
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Beginner April 2022
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 5:00 AM
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Well, it is a tough situation indeed. If you can make it happen though, I'd say do it. It's not every day that your friend is going to get married. It will probably mean a lot to her.
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Beginner April 2022
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 5:01 AM
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Good point.
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