Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Kaitlynn
Just Said Yes May 2023

Difficult time

Kaitlynn, on September 20, 2022 at 7:49 PM Posted in Planning 1 11
We recently got in engaged in July and I wanted his help to help me pick a date and he's like I don't care about the date but it's like I want his input on what he thinks we should get married but it just ends in arguments

11 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on September 22, 2022 at 1:22 PM
  • Hannah
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If this is his attitude towards the wedding as a whole, believe him now. It won't get better when you're on a timeline and the decisions pile up, and trust me, the details do pile up. It's the only thing my fiancé and I have argued over about the wedding is that I am trying to stick to a planning schedule and he's more laid back about it. He's been super helpful and I still feel really overwhelmed.

    You need to clarify your expectations about how much he is willing to help. Is it just the date that he doesn't care about or is it everything? Are you willing to plan this all by yourself or do you need help? Is he willing to meet you where you're at? I think a real conversation that doesn't devolve in to an argument is what is needed here. If you need help with that maybe start premarital counseling early! Let a third party help you sort these things out cause you're going to need to know how to resolve conflict without fighting to be married.

    Compromise is key! Good luck Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated January 2023
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I learned very quickly most men really don’t care about wedding details. It is frustrating but if that’s the case, just make the decision on your own and nice forward.
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated July 2017
    ti ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    What I found worked really well was choosing two or three options that I genuinely liked and then asking him to pick his favourite.

    That way we both felt like he had input and I knew it was something I was gonna like either way because I'd put the options forwards.

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Savvy October 2022
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    !!!!! Best advice ever!

    My Fiancé has a crazy work schedule so most of all the big stuff fell on me... Reaching out to vendors setting up appointments and tours. I actually created a binder for my fiancé and had it categorized; DJ, Photographer, Videographer, Venue etc. I then put 3-5 options per category including pricing and other details. I went through each with him showing him their work online and we both rated each vendor a 1-5. We also toured each venue and rated it a 1-5. We added up both of our ratings and the top rated in each category were the vendors we went with. Sadly more of the ground work falls on us ladies in most situations but try to make it fun.

    Maybe start off by asking him what season would he prefer to get married in and narrow it down to a date. When we started planning we just picked Fall not a date and we picked our date based on the Venue's availability.

    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    This is exactly what we did also. I think men are conditioned to the idea that the wedding is “all about the bride”, and they are just supposed to sit down, be quiet and let them make the decisions. So in order to make the day about us instead of just me, I would choose my top three choices of vendors, then show him their work/portfolio and let him give input on the final choice. It’s much less overwhelming to give them a few choices, than infinite ones.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar August 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't think you should extend the excuse that men don't care, because many do (mine did more than me). However, you don't have a wedding, until you have a date. If after presenting 2-3 options, he still doesn't care, then believe him. This is the time for teamwork not cop-outs. Good luck.

    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Guys don't care wedding planning unfortunately. I did the same as others have said, narrow down choices then ask his opinions. And honestly I didn't do that for everything. Things like flowers, centerpieces, color scheme, etc I just showed him a picture of what I liked and said "this is going to be our centerpieces, ok?" and he was happy with that.
    He definitely should be helping with the bigger things. like choosing the venue, etc but pick and choose your battles. The little details just don't register with them.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar August 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    People tend to care when the pay themselves, so . . .

    • Reply
  • H
    Savvy September 2024
    Holly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I have found this to work for us as well! Two to three choices for him to pick from. I will say he knows me all too well and seems to always pick what is my first choice of those options!
    • Reply
  • Nicolle
    Dedicated October 2022
    Nicolle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I have had both issues... not really focused on it, but then caring weirdly about very specific things. But I am the one in the thick of it planning and executing everything. It's like he thinks a month is a long time to get everything done. When I ask he's like ok that's great or he spends 45 minutes deciding on a treat bag. It's so weird and with everything that has to get done, I'm overwhelmed. He cares and is excited but I wish he understood that as close as we are, we are having death by 100 little details. So close! I'm both excited and freaked out. Men need to understand the process is daunting, if they don't already.

    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My fiancé hasn't been to many weddings, so he didn't really have much experience to go off of nor much understanding of what happened behind the scenes. I was basically on the other end of the spectrum since I worked for a wedding planner before. So I pretty much took the reigns with the planning. With the bigger things like picking a venue or dates, I think the idea above of picking a few dates/ venues you like and then asking your fiancé which he likes best is a great way to handle it. When we picked our date, we both agreed we wanted a fall wedding in October since it's the best time of the year weather-wise where we live. We reached out to our church and potential reception venues, and picked a date based on what was available.

    With things that were most important to me (photography and florals/ décor), I picked what I liked and asked my fiancé if he was ok with it. If there was something I didn't care much about, I'd narrow it down to a few options and let him pick. I also asked what parts he was interested in and let him take the reigns with those (picking tuxes, DJ, transportation, and the honeymoon).

    I think also just showing him the check list of things that needed to happen helped him to understand how much needed to get done and that I needed his help.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
ReCaptcha Verification failed. Please try again.

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics