A
Devoted May 2021

Difficult inlaws

Ally, on March 13, 2021 at 12:15 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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So my husband and I got legally married last year and our big wedding reception is coming out. We just made the decision that we are still not comfortable having our full guest list and need to cut. Well my inlaws have invited nearly 30 of their friends (which they decided would be invited to our original wedding, I had no say in this.) Theyre saying they cant cut anyone because it would put them in an awkward position, so if we cut our list theyre just gonna cut all their friends out. We made this decision due to the fact we dont feel our whole guest list will be vaccinated by next month and dont want to have to worry about anyone getting sick at our event. But I’m also annoyed because they arent paying for anything and they never help plan anything, but yet I have to have all their friends at my wedding. My MIL has been judging people all year for doing things she deems “not Covid safe” so I also cant help but see the hypocrisy there.


We’ve already made the decision to cut all these people since they’re refusing to be flexible but has anyone else had to deal with family members or anyone else who has just been obnoxious like this? Looking for stories so I dont feel like Im the only one

16 Comments

Latest activity by Ally, on April 12, 2021 at 1:11 AM
  • L
    Dedicated August 2021
    Lw ·
    • Flag
    You’ll find tons of stories in other posts! Most will say it’s your wedding and do what you want, especially since you are paying for it.


    My FILs also decided to invite over 30 people. We made them go through all of the invites they wanted to give out and if FH didn’t know/want that person at the wedding, he refused to send out an invitation. They were upset because “all parents get to invite as many people as they want” and their friends would be “so offended” by not being invited. We eventually didn’t budge and they gave it up (with lots of passive aggressive remarks.) Hang in there!
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    This appears to be a common problem, which makes no sense to me, because *it's not their wedding*.

    This may have been common in the 50s and 60s, but it hasn't been in quite some time.

    My best advice is that "no" is a complete sentence. You and your FH need to be united in this "no". But it is a complete sentence, particularly to people who aren't paying!

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  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Hi Ally, we were in the same situation last summer so I feel your pain! My dad actually contacted all parents and put it this way “our kids are in a rough spot and have to cut their list significantly. I have an idea that us parents will collectively cut our friends out in order to keep all family and let the couple keep their bridal party”. Dad called us and said “don’t worry we all agreed and are totally fine with it.” Good ole Dad!! ❤️
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    So many couples have been in this situation, me included. I wonder which bride hasn’t? We’re paying for everything so nobody gets a say except us. His mom tried to tell him that his aunt couldn’t come (bad blood between the 2) & he told her that’s not a decision for her to make. My stepson has a half sister that didn’t respond to our invitation & his mom told me she’ll reach out to her- I said NO you will not. This person has not responded & we’ve already given our final headcount.
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  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
    I'm not sure why you didn't have a say about the 30 parents-in-law friends since you're paying own your own. Both at your original wedding and at your big reception as you said.
    Are you both scared of them? Does he want to please them or to keep the peace?
    Sure you finally decided to cut them off but without covid , you would have let them invite this whole bunch of people ????That being said you didn't mention if he waw okay with them being on the list ...
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  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
    I meant: You didn't mention if he was ok with them being on the list , of course.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated March 2021
    Annika ·
    • Flag
    This is so odd to me, I see posts like this all the time on WW. Parents treating their children’s weddings as a friend reunion. Even cheekier when they don’t pay for the wedding. Especially during covid, it’s quite astonishing that parents seem to keep pushing for this.
    Please put your foot down and uninvite them all. Your wedding should be surrounded by people you want there and love, not random people (to you) that want to have a nice time.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    Its because he hardly has any family and I have a large one. So his parents friends are technically their family. But now that weve moved our plans around so many times, we have made cuts to my family and our friends and they are claiming they cant make any. So were cutting them all.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    Yep. For me, the most ridiculous parts of this are that theyre not paying or helping plan and yet they think theyre entitled to take up more than half our guest list. And also my MIL has been judging people all year for not being Covid safe so the hypocrisy on her part is just crazy
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
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    I get it. They are technically family, however I'm still shocked by the "I had no say" when they are not contributing. It would be another story if they asked in a kindly way.
    I know myself and ... 100% sure I would have cut everyone, period; if a parent dared to talk to me that way because it sounds like they treated you guys like kids on this one. I wouldn't be rude/disrepectful but would skip the whole list. However I would be undersranding if tell me you didn't want to start a fight about it or just think it wouldn't be a big deal.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. Put your foot down and maintain boundaries or cancel the reception until a later date.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    This seems to be one of the most frequent issues on the forums
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    My first mother in law and her husband were very wealthy, and very angry that their only son thought it important that we have the wedding we wanted, 80 guests and entirely paid for by us. They called it a pauper's wedding. They said rude things about my parents, who are incredible people their son preferred to them. And when she decided to make life a misery because she felt slighted, she was nasty. We had everything plan ed, part paid for will the balance in the bank, and they wanted us to delay a year and have their kind of wedding that they would pay for. And could not believe we did not want it and turned them down, for what we could pay for from my summer and schoolyear work earnings, and my FI from various relatives' gifts he saved, $8K each. The very first sticking point was that we allowed them 5 couple plus themselves, for the wedding. FI was an only child, his parents were only children. Yet they felt that because I had a huge family, 8 brothers and sisters, some older and married, and my parents had 15 couples of brothers and sisters alone, they should have that many friends. And we should have a handful of our own.
    When my husband died, they had not spoken to him since 2 weeks before our marriage, had missed his Dartmouth graduation, all because they did not get their way. Better to lose their 22 yo son forever, than accept his marrying without enough of a showy wedding. Sick people.
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  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
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    Completely agree!

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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated August 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    NO PAY, NO SAY.


    Tell them you can’t host their friends based on everything you told us.
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    Since I posted this, we’ve since “uninvited” all their friends to get to the count we were comfortable with, but it still infuriates me they had the nerve to do that without paying a dime. 😅 in a pandemic, no less. Truly takes all kinds I guess
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