My fiancé and I have a wedding date set for December 2021. We are planning on having our ceremony in a church, and then a reception at a venue to follow. Sounds like all the stress is gone and let the fun begin, right? Well, unfortunately not.
So, I come from a divorced family. I am very closed with my mom, but have completely cut off ties with my dad for good reason. I have 2 siblings who still communicate with my dad, but I choose not to.
When my mom and dad got divorced, my mom’s brother and sister took my dad’s “side”. I don’t understand why to be honest and it’s really messy, but basically my mom’s own brother and sister do not believe in divorce, and “pity” my dad because my mom wanted to divorce him. Anyways, long story short, when I got engaged this past September, my mom’s brother and sister found out and then told my dad. I was really upset, because it eats at me every day that I choose not to have a relationship with my dad. Before I got engaged, I always thought about who would walk me down the isle. Honestly, talking about my dad is a super touchy-emotional subject for me.
So, what’s really upsetting me is that the venue we booked, we have to pay for a total of “125 people” regardless of how many people we actually invite. We knew at the time being that that would be ok, since the price was fairly decent despite having the 125 people count.
I don’t have much family on my side. Since there is a lot of problems with my moms siblings, I was not going to invite them. I’d probably have 7 family members from my side total at the wedding. Now, my fiancé has a bigger family. He has 3 siblings, parents are still married, and he has a ton of cousins and aunts and uncles. It is really stressing me out that I will only have a handful on my side. I actually feel embarrassed even writing this. The other thing is that I barely have any friends. I am fortunate to be really close with my fiancé’s 2 sisters, and his brother’s fiancée, but aside from that, I truly only have 1 true good friend. I recently ended toxic friendships and while I am happier they ended, part of me feels like a loner that I don’t have friends. When I graduated nursing school, I moved about 2 hours from home last year to be withMy now fiancé, and then covid hit so I didn’t get a chance to make new friends and go out and do things.
I feel really pathetic that I don’t have more friends. I feel like I see other people that I’m friends with on social media post about all their bridesmaids and have this huge wedding. Now I’m second guessing just having a an immediate only wedding ceremony/celebration. I’m stressing out and sad about who I’ll have walk me down the isle. I wish I had a good dad and didn’t have trauma from my past relationship as a kid with my dad. I realize that I have a lot of trauma from my past, and I don’t want it to wreck my wedding day.
I am so happy and blessed to have a wonderful, supportive fiancé, who would literally support any decision I chose, but I don’t know what to do. Should I cancel my wedding ceremony and venue reception because I barely would have anyone on my side of the family? I don’t want to look back and regret it, but I also don’t know how to feel sad and stressed and embarrassed about my situation.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you in advance and best of luck to everyone!
