Different religions in the same household

Our first month of wedding planning was AWFUL - every time we talked about the actual ceremony we both lost it. He's Jewish, I'm Christian (grew up Methodist), and our families are both very important to us. Lie is usually pretty good - we get along, we enjoy sharing holidays and it's easy for our families because we don't have to fight over who goes where - all Jewish holidays we do things with his family, all Christian holidays we go to my family.

Planning the actual ceremony was really tough - but through a lot of time, and a lot of talking, and a lot of deciding we're not going to let either side of our family run our wedding or out lives, we found some compromise. We're having an officiant marry us who actually grew up with a Jewish mother and a Christian father. And we're doing it in a non-religious setting. We each picked things that are important to us for the ceremony, and we've combining them with a lot of guidance from our officiant.

See, I'm hoping to find the perfect officiant like you did. One that's helpful and understanding. I think that would help so much in our situation. He's religious, but not as strict as his family is. So he's going to want to do what pleases his side of the family because they are slightly judgmental and finger-pointy lol. He wanted to get married in the church in the neighborhood we grew up in and I was like noooo thanks. So we agreed on a non religious venue. I'm thankful we have agreed on most everything this far. Hopefully it stays that way

FH is catholic and I am Lutheran... I did not want to become catholic for our wedding so it was a struggle for the first few years discussing which religion after awhile of us both being stubborn we decided a non denomination wedding would be best but that's what worked for us... Good luck with all of your with planning

My FH is catholic and I am not. He is not very religious neither is his family, BUT being from Italy they make a big deal about religious events and rituals. So we just decided to avoid all of the hoopla because I was not converting AT ALL just for his family to keep up appearances. So we are getting married in a neutral zone...a golf course and we spun it as its his favorite place to be when he is not home. Which is true. I think you should do what makes you both happy and minimizes stress. You already have enough of that with all of the other planning.

I grew up Catholic and FH Jewish. (He now considers himself more Christian...not because of me...his own beliefs).

We are having a non religious ceremony. Neither of us are really religious, and its fair to our parents not to throw the opposite religion in their faces...

FH wants to step on a glass...which is fun, so I'm down for that...bit I don't think there's any other aspects that are being pulled in from either side.

Yea same with him. He already mentioned his grandma probably won't be happy he isn't getting married in a Catholic Church. I'm just like meh.. she'll be ok. I don't want to cut his religion out of my wedding at all. I respect his faith very much. But his church specifically will want me to convert or take catholic-based counseling. And I'm just not willing to do it.. so hopefully he will look at other options if his first choices won't just marry us.

I am catholic, my FH is atheist. We have constructive conversations about both sides. He is not being forced or even considering joining the church but they are allowing us to have a catholic ceremony. I appreciate that he knows it means alot to my family and is willing to make it happen. I will always support his beliefs just like he does for me. The classes arent that bad actually (at least for us).

You don't have to become Cathloic to be married in the Cathloic Church. I'm Cathloic & FH is Methodist. We are getting married in the Catholic Church but he is not converting.

What a great balance you guys have come up with!! I think that is the best idea you could have come up with!!

I'm a Democrat; my FH is a staunch Republican (like, he's voting for Trump). We have learned to respect the others' views even if we don't agree. It took time for us to be able to talk about politics at all, but we can wade into that water now. It still gets heated sometimes, but it doesn't end in a fight like it used to. I think keeping the peace through opposing political or religious views, like most things in relationships, boils down to clear, concise, and respectful communication.

Yes Rachel, you're right. Our life and parenting skills are very balanced and we are letting our daughter decide. She'll know both of our opinions and let her choose when she is ready. FH husband teaches me a lot, and he answers the many many many questions that I have- but maybe taking the class would benefit us. What could potentially be an issue, is the fact that he wants to "impress" way too many people. He's very easy going, but I think he's leaning more towards having more religion in the wedding for people to see. If that makes sense.. he doesn't have to validate his faith to himself, but it's almost like he wants to for his family

I can handle religious differences, but Drumpf? eh......no, lol...

Most of our ceremonies are uniting people who are different, religiously, ethnically, or culturally. Personally, I think it's fun for the guests to witness things they might not come across in everyday life....

There are definitely ways to incorporate readings and ritual elements in a gracious way, and I can tell you, more religion doesn't 'impress' anyone. Generally, it bores them. The general population is far less religious, in practice, than anyone thinks. A mention of God, a glass breaking, seven steps, cords and veils; singular elements that express your heritage.....much more effective.

And it's your wedding too. It needs to express YOU too.

The classes aren't bad at all. One is 8 hours one day and the second is like 4 hours then your done

I'm Catholic and FH is agnostic. I wanted to be married in the Catholic Church but with FH being divorced we had no desire to jump hoops. We agreed on a Presbyterian Church my dad is a member of.

Our minister is allowing us to not attend the retreat due to distance (we live 6 hours away) and the fact we have been living together for 7 years. We had the important talks (finances, children, religion, health etc) and have good communication.

He agreed that our children would be raised Catholic and he would attend church when "needed" but also that as they get older they can question their faith/beliefs and come to their own conclusion.

I think its great that you both have decided together to have the ceremony that works for you. I'm a little confused on your statement about finding his first choice officiant. He probably won't find a Catholic priest to marry you outside of the church. If the sacrament of Matrimony is important to his family that won't happen anywhere except in a church. He shouldn't focus on pleasing his family since it doesn't sound like your current plans will do that. You both need to focus on what works for you and your marriage.

I'm Christian and my FH is Muslim. We are having a Christian ceremony. We discussed it prior to setting a date and it didn't matter to him what type or ceremony we had. He stated none of that matters as long as we're married. Not that I would have a problem with having a Muslim ceremony. We have a child together and they both attend church with me (my daughter always go and he goes a few times out the year). So far it has not been a problem with us. So many people will have opinions regarding interfaith relationships. I say do whatever works for you and your household..

My FH is Catholic, I am not. I attend church with him on occasion but have NO desire to join. Thankfully he respects my views and vice versa, and also thankfully it's not important to him to be married in the church. I wouldn't want to and I especially wouldn't want to jump through all the Catholic hoops to do so, especially as a non-Catholic.

His mother has made some passive aggressive comments but I'm pretty good at ignoring them and he's had his entire life to ignore them. I'm pretty sure some of his other family members have raised eyebrows but we're not concerned. On the other hand, my mom is Christian and pretty religious, and early on expressed her concerns about not having the ceremony in a church. I shut her down quickly and she hasn't brought it up (to me) since.

Our lesson in all this which we know we will carry on into our marriage is that we will decide together what makes sense for us and our family. Our families and other outsiders may not agree, but it's solely up to us to decide what's best for us.

I'm totally with Celia on incorporating what's important to you into the ceremony - we're breaking a glass, and having the yichud ( seclusion) room immediately following the ceremony. We opted against any biblical verses being read, because it wasn't important to me. I made a list of all of the "traditionally Jewish" elements of a ceremony (chuppah, 7 circles, parents standing up there with us, Ketubah) and asked him what he "needed" to have to be happy, and what he "wanted" to have... and we worked it all out.

I don't practice any religion but my family is Catholic and different types of Christians. My FH family is Buddhist.

I am having a small Buddhist ceremony. Will invite my family as well. They can come if they want. We will also have an American non-religious ceremony followed by reception. Although it is non-religious we are asking a relative if he would read some scriptures.

Like someone mentioned above - you could try to incorporate whats important to each of you into the ceremony.

My FH is Hindu and I am Christian. We decided many years ago that we would be having both a Hindu ceremony and a Christian ceremony on separate days of the same weekend. This is not unheard of in our community and our families are completely ok with it. I believe if it came down to it where someone did have an issue, we would just forgo both and have one non religious wedding.