Different cultures/ Different Traditions

The main difference I see is in the hot topic of Cash Bars!! For example, I have been to somewhere between 25 and 30 weddings and only 2 have had an open bar (One was in England the other in Ireland. I have never been to a wedding in the US so I didn't know that cash bars were considered rude there before I started planning and lurking on forums. Because we are having a destination wedding and at least half of our guests are travelling we are planning on an open bar. This is being charged at €17 pps per hour. So in total for food and drink we are looking at €256 pps. We are inviting 100 people. My biggest gripe at the moment is probably when people comment that we must be saving a fortune by having a DW...I just grit my teeth, smile and nod!

Of the weddings in Ireland I have attended, the norm is to have a church wedding. Cocktail hour when you arrive at the venue. Free wine with dinner and then a cash bar will open after dinner. I have never seen a registry, honeyfund or a bridal shower. Every wedding I have attended has been fully catered and plate served. I have never been to a buffet wedding but the greedy guts in me sooo wants to!! Hen parties and stag parties are usually had a few months before the actual wedding (maybe to allow for recovery time!!)

Everything the bridal party need (Dress, suit, shoes, jewellery, hotel room) is paid for by the bride or groom plus a gift. All that is expected of the bridal party is to show up and have a good time. From what I can tell, speeches last a lot longer here, probably an hour in total! The day seems to be a bit longer as well, the last wedding I was at started at 12pm and about 50% of the guests were still in the resident's bar having a singsong at 5am!

My favourite wedding tradition was at one I attended in Germany. We were all asked to give a gift of a bottle of wine to the B&G. But we had to remove the label and make our own. The B&G then had a ready made cellar with personalised labels to read every time they had a special dinner. I loved this, my mother hated it - she doesn't think a couple should ever expect or ask for a gift.. I think she would have a heart attack if she was sent registry information or a honeyfund!!! As a couple attending a wedding, my FH and I usually give €200 in a card.

The worst experience I ever had at a wedding was in Scotland where the wedding started at 1pm and we didn't get anything to eat until 8pm that night. There were some very drunk people at that wedding.

I would love to hear some other nice traditions you have experienced at weddings?

I think most brides and grooms just want their guests to enjoy their day and would hate if they were secretly being side-eyed. I guess it's all relative to what the guests are used to also.

Sorry this turned out to be a wall of text!

Thanks for sharing! It's nice to hear about wedding traditions in other cultures

I went to an Irish wedding with wine served at the table and a cash bar just outside the room. I didn't mind/BOY did people drink a lot so I imagine it would not have been cheap. I'm having an open bar and think in general it's a nice thing to do to treat guests but if you're crowd always does cash bars I doubt people will be scandalized.

That's very interesting. Thank you for sharing I knew there were cultural differences. I'm always interested in learning how other cultures celebrate weddings

Hi Windowschick! A hen/stag is the same as bachelor/bachelorette party I think! Just a different name. Usually a weekend away in a hotel with a few activities and lots of boozing. Everyone pays for themselves. Is that the same? I never heard of a fundraiser aspect, do I even want to ask how that works!!?

I think @windowschick was thinking of a "stag-and-doe," which is a pre-wedding fundraiser common in some parts of Canada.

Yes, stag/hen-do is the same as a bachelor/bachelorette. (Some Americans call them stag parties as well.)

Thanks Polly, tbh the main reason we are having an open bar is because people are travelling to our DW! My friend is a bar manager in a popular wedding venue here and he told me they take in between 15 and 30k behind the bar at weddings. My liver hurts just thinking about it

Thanks Danielle, so the couple hosts a party and guests give cash gifts to help the couple before the wedding?

@Jenny, this is secondhand but I believe people buy tickets to a simple party as a way to give money to the soon-to-be-married couple.

It's apparently a massive faux pas to invite someone to the stag-and-doe and not invite them to the wedding--and I can see why.

Thank you for sharing! I find the cultural differences very interesting and I think it's important to note that different cultures celebrate weddings in different ways. There is no one right way to have a wedding!

Thanks for sharing I really appreciated this.

I loved reading this post! I love hearing about different cultures and traditions. Thanks for sharing!

No worries guys, I could tell you about the typical Irish funeral but I don't think ye would believe me )

I'm from South Africa - we have 11 official languages and probably twice as many ethnic groups / cultural groups.

The cash bar topic has also been interesting to me. In SA, you provide roaming drinks during canapé hour (usually champagne). At the reception, you place a bottle of red wine, white wine and champagne on the table. Any other drinks, the guests pay for themselves. Sometimes there will be a bar tab for x amount, and once that is reached, guests pay for themselves. I have never heard of an open bar at a wedding.

Something I've not seen brought up on WW, is the MC for the wedding. In SA, you'll traditionally ask a friend or family member to make announcements throughout the day.

Hi Jennifer, it's pretty similar in Ireland - the best man is usually the MC! A lot to ask of one person if you ask me!

For speeches here, its's usually best man, father of the bride, father of the groom and the groom. There is rarely a female voice which drives my inner feminist mad. For my wedding we are having BM, FOG and groom. Then MOH, my mother (my father is decd) and me! So half and half!

The MC is usually not in the wedding party, so it's definitely a whole other thing here.

For speeches, usually the FOB speaks for the bride, Best Man speaks for the Groom, and Groom speaks for the couple. So it's antiquated. But more recently, the MOH speaks for the bride and the bride also gives a speech.

I don't really know what we're doing with speeches yet, cos FH informed me last night that Best Man isn't making one, his father definitely won't be either (family issues) and I think it will be weird if it's just my side giving a speech. But I got some time to figure it out still.

I'm from Asia and getting married in the US. The biggest shock to me...is how elaborated and overwhelming the whole wedding planning is (start from the engagement). From where I grew up, as a bride you don't have much expectation to your wedding party or your guest other than showing up on time for the ceremony, as a guest all you want is the honor to share the special day with the newly-wed. Anything more than that (food, drink, entertainment, attire, gifts etc) is just some nice addition.

And ... wedding registry. I was so shocked when I first heard about the idea of "registry". In my home country, ask your guest (other than your family or your very close friend) to spend time and effort to buy you something specific is ridiculous, and having a wish list for gift, is really, beyond rude or tacky. An envelope with money is the standard gift for any special occasion, for guest's convenience.

I know it's a tradition but I still don't understand....so apparently it's NOT OK to expect gifts (which I understand), but it's OK to show your guest a list of gifts you want including super expensive plates and towels. And if you want cash for gift it's rude because everyone know cash is obviously the best gift and you're rude if you tell people to bring the best gift. Again I respect it as tradition. But....It's just.....soooo twisted.

@bearpenguin (love your avatar btw) - traditions and etiquette are so hard to explain and/or understand if they aren't your own - especially when it comes to cash and gifts, which are very touchy subjects.

In my country, we have a patchwork of cultures and traditions, and trying to work out what is etiquette and what is tacky is a nightmare. I haven't seen such a nice forum as this for South African brides, which is why I am here, and it's been a big help.

I think the bottom line is that, registries aren't asking for gifts. They are gift suggestions for guests who would like to contribute to the couples new home. Because of the "tackiness" element of asking for gifts, you'll see from other posts that they are excluded from the invite and are usually shared word-of-mouth. Asking for money as a gift is not good etiquette.

But then again, etiquette depends on a person's culture, country and traditions.

In my country, we don't do a rehearsal dinner. I had only heard of them in American movies, and I never really understood them before coming onto WW. Here, the bridal party shows up for the wedding rehearsal, and then you go home.

Love it. I know im the same way what everyone are saying is rude like the honey funds in our tradition is expected to give cash gift. Lol n our tradition wedding is a family thing so immediate family kids expected. And family is always invited far to close blood no question. I noticed on here a lot of people don't invite all relatives. But I understand is different culture. And our wedding is plate serve with 7 plus courses. Also our wedding is 2 days so we're all super tired by the last night lol