Did your Maid of Honor not come to shower or girls weekend/bach?

Four of daughter's five BMs live all over the country; she knew from the very beginning that for them to agree to be in/attend the wedding was a HUGE commitment of time and money for each of them. We held her shower on a weekend when one of her two MOH's was going to be in town visiting her family anyway, but daughter knew the other MOH and the other two BMs who live out of state would not be able to attend. All that mattered to her was that five young women who have had a huge influence on her life were willing to take time (and, spend the $$&dollar to be here for her wedding; that was more than enough for her.

Since three of her five BMs could not attend the shower, I asked them each to send me a letter that daughter could open at the shower, so they could "be here with her" that day. Those letters were so sweet and meaningful to daughter -- she cried when reading each one. Also, we played the "how old was the bride in these pictures" game, but since her BMs had been in her life practically forever, I only used photos that included at least one of the BMs, so they were "part of" that game. Good luck!

Honestly I just feel like nowadays as adults we have so much going on that sometimes going out of town for an important event can be a challenge. Or sometimes it could just be due to finances. You have every right to be upset but I think we need to do is keep telling yourself exactly what you wrote and that this is for her career. It's not as if she just decided she didn't want to go. That I think would hurt more. Your wedding is important but tell her her job is more important and she's got to make that a priority. Just like if the situation were reversed your job would be higher priority than her wedding celebrations. Maybe before the wedding day just you two could have a brunch out or a glass of wine together and just have some you time. Sometimes it's nice to be just with your best friend and not a group of people too. I hope you feel better in the future about this but you are still going to have so much fun at your shower and last fling before the ring.

My Matron of Honor was in Greenland my entire engagement, til 2 weeks before my wedding. She was at the group shower from my quilting group, she and my cousins in Greenland mailed them the quilt top, pieces assembled, and they quilted it in a couple meetings. Once home, she did airport pickups in Montreal, Boston, and Albany. Put up people coming from Europe, inc Husband's brothers. And made 6 large commercial size trays of baklava , for the wedding. People who knew her asked what her plans were, next subject ...my Two BM and MOH were invited as guests to my FMIL family shower in NYC, since they were nearby in CT, NJ, PN. Not hostesses. None at my women's weekend. A friend not in my wedding threw a small shower in N.NH, another in Boston area, another in WA ( near old army and Navy friends.) Nobody said a word about my BM or 2 MOH, except about one's new baby, one's new job, another's recent adoption of two kids. Same at my women's weekend. I have several distict and separate groups of friends, home, school and work, army. And people asked about WP friends . Except on WW and the knot, I have never heard of anyone driving more than 2 hours for a shower, and neither has anyone I know. So people assumed, they are far away, and offered to do showers. They thought it completely normal that no one travel to give or attend a shower or bach. And that 2 new mother's and one married 3 months before me and in a new job, would have been too busy, even if they were close. ... 🙂 Why are you worrying about what other people will think of your BM? BM often don't do or participate in showers or bachelorette parties. Some can only take off time and spend enough money to do the wedding. And it is silly to travel more time than a 3-4 hour party lasts . Are your other friends and family the judgement committee? It is not up to them to mind other people's business. Don't worry about it.

I have one bridesmaid in town, three out of state. I know two bridesmaids are throwing my shower and I’m hoping three will be there for my bachelorette but I know it’s a real strain for them. My MOH recently relocated to the East Coast and she’ll be at the wedding, but there’s no way she can come back for any of the parties. I’ll miss her, but I don’t feel bad about it or question her decision at all. I think agreeing to be in the wedding is amazing and I want her to do what’s best for her.

Not all of my bridesmaids could come to my shower or bachelorette. And when I’m a bridesmaid or maid of honor I can’t always make it. One year I was in 5 weddings and maid of honor for 3 of them all in different states, there’s no way I could’ve gone to all the events. As long as they’re at the wedding that’s the most important part!

You have every right to be upset, but that doesn't mean you have to be angry. I think it's great you're understanding and supportive of her bettering her future. Sounds cheesy, but can you facetime her during part of the shower?

View Quoted Comment

Hi Jessie, yeah I was just a little upset cause she is like my sister and it would be more fun with her, she's one of my bestest friends. I am not angry at all. Hope I didn't give that impression. I understand! And I hope she understands if the role was reversed down the road if she gets married if I couldn't attend everything. I just worry about other people being judgy. I'm an INFJ so I worry about stuff like that, although I know I shouldn't.

I could facetime her, that's a great idea but she will be out of the country and living in a hut! not sure but will try!

Kelly I agree, the wedding is the most important! Thanks

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for sharing you info. That's great Samantha, agreeing on the wedding is the most amazing thing And always friends doing what is best for them is the best!

View Quoted Comment

Hi Judith, thank you for all the info! I learned a lot from you!

Yes agree it asks a lot when people live far! Best for them to do what is best for them. That's why also we made our shower/girls weekend all in one.

Yeah I am an INFJ so I just tend to worry about what other people think. Honestly the few guests I know would make a comment, might not even come to the shower, so I should just relax about it. My one BM might bring it up since she had a falling out with my MH a while ago, and after I asked my MH she had made it known how she felt about it and her. But they are friends again so I just hope for positivity!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Kristen!

I love your idea about some alone best friend time with her! We will have to figure out how to do that.

View Quoted Comment

Great idea about the letter, that is so sweet!

Great to here others stories.

I have only experienced one wedding shower and every BM came from far away to that and the girls bach, so I didn't know others stories. Now I know!

My MoH is coming to mine, that is for sure, but there's a couple of bridesmaids that may not make it. Look, it is what it is. Their lives don't revolve around my wedding, and my party is two weeks before the wedding anyway. I've been in bridal parties where not all the bridesmaids have made the bachelorette. It happens.

My only expectations for them before the wedding is that that they turn up for the rehearsal dinner, and for a dress fitting.