Did your (future) spouse's physical appearance matter?

Anyone who says physical appearance doesn’t matter is lying. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. That doesn’t mean that someone has to look like a model, but physical appearance does matter.

Lol! Most definitely physical appearance is what attracted me to him. Even now, 20 years later, my heart still skips a beat when I look at him. He’s a firefighter so it’s mandatory they work out every day they’re on shift. Off shift, he goes for a run almost every day. Nothing like a man in uniform to make you weak in the knees! 20 more days till we’re husband & wife!

Absolutely! My fiancé is very physically attractive to me, and his wonderful personality and qualities make him that much more so. If he were a bad person, he would be less attractive overall to me. I think that's more what the saying is about, rather than that someone you find unattractive to begin with can become so by being a good person.

So, I was attracted to my FH humor and personality when I first met him. I’m 5’6” and he is 5’. I absolutely love his eyes and the way he looks up at me 😂 there is A LOT of humor in our relationship

Oh absolutely! I was immediately attracted to my fiancé the moment I saw him. Luckily his insides are just as beautiful as his outsides. But I’d be lying if I said my initial attraction to him wasn’t physical. I think most times physical attraction opens the door to learning more about the person and finding their non-physical attributes you are attracted to.

Physical attraction is really important - in the sense that I can’t love someone I find repulsive. It’s more than conventional beauty standards, cleanliness, the way he carries himself, the way he dresses. All those things gave me a sense of what he valued in life.
If we had talked and he wasn’t good natured, intelligent and kind none of the physical stuff would have mattered, though. But it’s the first hurdle to get through.
We’ve built a foundation of love and commitment, and will get older together and will obviously our bodies will change. If I didn’t find him attractive at first - and vice versa! - we wouldn’t have moved beyond “hi.”

I don’t think so at all!


Although we didn’t date in high school, we met and knew each other and to be honest I tried to date/pine after a lot of guys who were really “hot,” haha, and really, really boring. One of the worst dates of my life was with a 6 foot, buff blonde quarterback with so much money that their family gave away iPad minis at their smaller kid’s Halloween parties. Everyone thought he was so cute. But gosh, was he a creep! And then I also really liked this artsy guy who ended up going to NYU and we’re mutual friends but all he wanted to talk about was car design and was like talking to a wall about any thing else.Every guy I’ve dated long-term, I did because I was impressed or enamored with them. I saw my first boyfriend in a school play and was like “yup. That’s passion.” My second boyfriend had an amazing family and was really nice- and I was attracted to him, but he seemed to gaslight me all the time and it ended badly.
Like I said, my FH and I knew each other a long time before we started dating, but when we met again and he kind of “reintroduced” himself, he gave me a book and it was by one of my favorite authors.
I think I really just love people for who they are. A lot of my friends are the same way, too. I think that we come to be more grateful and loving of the way our significant others look because of who they are. For example, a guy could be your “ideal,” fantasy man, but also be rude or a total slob or have murdered cats as a kid and that would obviously put anyone off, I think!
Anyways, interesting post. I do think that looks matter, but I don’t think that anyone spots someone from across the room and murmurs to themselves, “I’ll never love anyone else ever again,” just because they’re so handsome🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yes it matters! I mean, c’mon... you see a person before you meet and speak with them. After that, their personality and other characteristics either draw you in or push you away.

DH was a cute guy with that dark, curly hair sitting outside a theatre in NYC wearing a Phillies shirt.

I mean, I was done before he opened his mouth.

(I also knew that if he was there, he was already vetted by a friend, but... yeah, I was a goner within seconds.)

Didn't take long to realize he's also a really amazing man.

I believe it plays an important role but i mean c’mon physical appearance is the first image you get. If they didn’t attract you, then how would you feel drawn to get to know them? I love personality, but I cant know a person’s personality by looking at him. That’s the magnet. I honestly wasn’t that much attracted to mine at first😂 BUT he stood out to me!! I never dated anyone until I met him. I don’t know why but it was something about him where I had to find out. It was a instant connection. My attraction for him built daily. The deeper the connection, the more sexier he got! I mean now he’s pretty up there I would say haha, he got that charm! I’m marrying him in 4 days!!! My first and last❤️

My fiancé has a heart of gold and treats me like royalty - but I would have never learned that had I not found him attractive from the beginning.

Not only does appearance matter before you start up the relationship, it matters throughout, IMO! If my fiancé were to stop working out, grooming or taking care of himself, I would definitely have some thoughts on that - same with him to me. Appearance isn't everything, but it is extremely important. I hope my FH and I are always attracted to each other, physically.

Depends what is meant by "matter".

It was what made me first notice him. Specifically, his long, thick, shiny, slightly curly brown hair. Then his blue-green eyes. Then his arms (don't ask, I have a thing for arms, and he has perfect arms. Not just muscular but shapely.) So yes, it certainly played a large role in my initial attraction to him.

Now, it isn't the largest part of my attraction to him. That is his laugh, his kindness, his compassion, how he carries our cats around like babies, how literally everyone loves to be around him because he's just that guy you want to be around. But he also still has those majestic blue-green eyes (and now the cutest wrinkles beside them that crinkle up when he laughs), and that beautiful hair has a few little strands of silver (that I won't tell him about then because he'll pluck them and I think they're dashing), and still has those perfect arms.

If he were to become physically unattractive, I would still love him. And I'd still be attracted to him as a person. But certainly, I wouldn't be able to pretend that the physical attraction remained.

That said, I also think our ideas of physical attraction change as we get older. He doesn't look like he did when we met when he was 16, and he won't look like he does now in his mid-thirties when he's sixty. But I have found him attractive throughout this time all the same, because my idea of attractive has changed.

Definitely matters! My hubby is muscular, tattooed, and has baby blue eyes. Very attractive 😍 so it mattered to me lol

Yes, it definitely matters! My FH is a very handsome guy to me, and he has been in my eyes since high school when we first met/became friends! I just love his bright green eyes, the fact that he's taller than me and he has very broad shoulders. His personality makes him the wonderful person he is, but I definitely find him attractive and it's important that I find him attractive!

Story time!

FH and I met when I was working at Cycle Gear and he was just starting to ride street bikes so he came in to get gear. I helped him out then and we went our separate ways. I stopped working there for 2.5 years and by the time I went back to that job he had become a regular. A "regular" at that place is basically someone who's made friends with the staff and will stop by if they're just in the area to say hi, so I ended up seeing him quite a lot. Every dang time he walked in the door my brain would go, "Oooooh, he CUTE! But it's never gonna happen, so be cool."

I'm so glad my brain was wrong and that it DID happen! That being said... uh, YEAH, physical attraction matters. I just think "physical attraction" means different things to different people. My guy has a little bit of a beer belly, which isn't something I personally consider attractive but also isn't a deal breaker. But that's also not what I was looking at. I was looking at his face and how his mouth is pretty small when it's closed but then he smiles and BOOM it takes up his entire face. I saw how his eyes lit up whenever he was talking about motorcycles or surfing or movies. I saw his hair that is JUST SO FLOOFY AND AMAZING AND I CAN LITERALLY LOSE SIGHT OF MY HANDS WHEN RUNNING THEM THROUGH IT AND JUST KA;DFHA;OSIFGHEJA;FAIOHFE.

I do think that personality can "alter" a person's attractiveness though. I've known a few guys who are, at first glance, more physically attractive than FH. But then I got to know them and they're jerks and soon enough I didn't even think they're attractive at all. On the other side, FH has an amazing personality with a heart of gold and I literally can't think of anyone on this planet who is more attractive than he is to me.

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So much YES to the carrying of the cats and the silver strands of hair! That's honestly the exact same for my FH. I think the little silver bits make him look distinguished and even more attractive. He (at 32 years old) thinks they make him look old. Whenever I see one he tells me to pull it. I refuse.

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These men and their grey hair! For real! I said "why do you want to pluck them?!" "Because it means I'm getting old." OMG you clearly have never listened to women talk about attractive older men with their salt and pepper hair! His are all right in his temple area, too - swoon!

Yes, it matters lol. My friends like to tell me that I have a *type* lol. My FH is tall and lanky, a handsome face and dreads. He looks like a combination of Donald Glover (Childish Gambino) and Miguel to me. I stare at him often lol.

Honestly yes. If he wasn’t handsome I couldn’t have even gone on a first date with him lol. That sounds terrible but it’s true