Did You Or Your Future Spouse Get Your Parents' Blessings Before The Engagement?

My FH asked my 2 adult sons for permission. ~sigh~ FYI, I am an older bride, and both parents are deceased. My ex texted my 2 sons "LOL we eloped" to inform them he and his new, much younger heart throb (sorry not sorry) tied the knot. @@ So, it was absolutely a heart squisher when FH told me (after the initial proposal) that he asked my boys for their blessings. That just meant the world to me - and to hear both the boys not only gave him their blessings, but asked if they could finally start calling him their step-dad..... yeah, a real Hallmark moment for me.

I think if my FH has asked my parents before asking me, I wouldn't have married him. I'm not a cow that changes its owner, I make my own decisions. My dad knows this and he would never expect be asked permission. This isn't the 19th century...

Hi!


My fiancé got my parents blessing. I am actually adopted and know my biological family so he made it a point to ask both adopted and biological parents. It was important to both of us.
He drove to their houses and sat down with them and asked for their blessing. He then set up the proposal to Have both of our families there. It made it more special and meaningful… We are both very family oriented and it was important to have our families on board.

I had always wanted whoever was going to marry me for my parents blessing. It’s old fashioned but I think the world of my parents and if they for some reason couldn’t give their blessing that would be a big red flag for me.


My fiancé ended up just asking my dad for his blessing (in the spirit of being covert I think 😂) it was very sweet because my dad had actually been unexpectedly hospitalized for over 5 months and had kinda been out of the loop. (There were days when we weren’t sure he was going to make it.) My fiancé had wanted to propose sooner but knew how important asking my dad’s blessing in person was. He knew it would mean a lot to me and he wanted to respect my dad because he missed out on so much. I think that it increased the love and respect my parents had for my fiancé a lot. It also blessed me.
My fiancé wasn’t always planning to do it that way (in fact he often joked the song Rude was his biggest nightmare) and his dad didn’t ask for a blessing when proposing to his mom so he wouldn’t have gotten in trouble from them! But he knew it would bless me and my parents and he did it joyously!

View Quoted Comment That's super sweet that he asked your sons for their blessings! And that they asked him if they could call him their step-dad... ❤️😭 definitely a Hallmark moment!

I specifically told my husband not to ask, but he did let them know ahead of time. He needed no one's permission except mine to marry him.

View Quoted Comment I have a similar feeling! That is why my fiance and I decided that he and I will walk down the aisle together, rather than my dad "giving me away" to him. I was shocked that my fiance asked my dad for his blessing before he proposed, but actually super grateful he did, since it was important to my dad that my now fiance asks for his blessing first (not as permission, but more of a respectful heads up about it).

View Quoted Comment This all sounds so sweet! How awesome that he asked for blessings from both your biological family and your adopted family, and that's super meaningful for him to arrange for all families be present for the proposal!

My FH asked for my father’s permission. It wasn’t something that was important to me, but my fiancé is old-school and really big on respect, so it was very important to him. He sneakily did it while we were visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. And apparently he told my dad not to tell my mom, because he knew she would be excited and want to tell me. But I know my dad tells my mom everything, so I’m betting he hadn’t even pulled out of the driveway before my dad told my mom 😂 She did a great job of keeping it secret though, and I had no idea it was coming!

We didn't ask or anything. when they responded to the engagement it was mixed. my parents were happy but his didn't seem to be...? we have a great relationship now but we started off kinda rocky

My husband so much ask as he told them he planned on asking. As others have said were adults and didn’t need “permission” but just out of respect and tradition. I was very important to him to have that conversation before hand and I think my parents would have been upset had he not had the conversation. And I mean I wanted him to “ask” too 😊

Edit: it was important to him

View Quoted Comment I love that you fiance made a point to ask your dad for his blessing! I'm sorry to hear that your dad was hospitalized, though glad to hear he made it through it all! I definitely see how that increased the respect your parents have for your fiance.

View Quoted Comment My thinking was similar! My fiance didn't need my dad's permission to marry me, only my permission (though he asked both my parents for their blessing anyway, because it was important to my dad, which I thought it was sweet of him to ask).

View Quoted Comment Haha, that's funny that your dad likely told your mom right away! And awesome that she was able to keep the surprise! Did your fiance tell any of your friends ahead of time?

View Quoted Comment Nope, he didn’t tell anyone else. Not even his own parents or child!

View Quoted Comment Sorry to hear that the relationship started off kind of rocky! Maybe the engagement took them by surprise? Awesome to hear that you have a good relationship with them now though! Did any of your friends know about the engagement ahead of time?

*Before you officially got engaged, did you or your partner get your parents' blessing? No.

*If so, how did they ask for the blessing? N/A

*Was this something that was important to you or your future spouse? Not asking parents' permission (blessings aren't a thing in my culture or upbringing so I don't understand how this is different from permission) was very important to both of us.

*If you didn't ask for your parents' blessing first, how did they respond to the engagement? Did they expect to be asked/notified ahead of time? All seven of our parents appeared to be excited/happy for us. I honestly have no idea if any of them expected to be asked/notified ahead of time, but I am very thankful no one told us if that was the case.

View Quoted Comment I agree that "permission" isn't needed, but it's still super sweet to ask out of respect! Even if it's just a, "heads up, I'm planning on proposing soon", I think it is very respectful.

View Quoted Comment Wow, very cool! It sounds like he excels at keeping a secret!