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Devoted July 2018

Did you ever ask a bridesmaid to step down?

A, on April 22, 2018 at 12:49 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Just curious if anyone has ever had to ask a bridesmaid to step down and if so, why? I think I need some advice.

I’m going through some pretty bad moments with one of my bridesmaids right now and our friendship feels so broken. I keep trying to figure out why, but she won’t be straightforward with me. One moment she seems excited about my wedding and the next tells me I am making poor life decisions. I keep trying to set lunch dates and more to try and talk to her in person, but she cancels all the time and avoids me. She hasn’t invited me anywhere in..... a very long time. I have spent two hours total with her so far this year always with a group of people (never just the two of us) and she lives 20 minutes away. I don’t know what to do, but she keeps sending me text messages that make me feel like a horrible person. Just really mean. My life is so stressful right now and I just can’t take it with the harsh judgement and strange comments. She used to be my closest friend here, but now I end up crying after most every text message conversation we have (I am probably way too sensitive but have always been an emotional person). Things didn’t used to be like this.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Mim, on April 22, 2018 at 6:01 PM

Just Said Yes June 2018
Haley · on April 22, 2018 at 1:27 AM
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I'm interested in the answer to your questions too. My MOH is my sister, and we were so close when I got engaged, and even when she moved a few hours away she still called me at least once a week. But 6 months later we argued about the guy she was dating (he was terrible and abusive), and we haven't been the same since. My wedding is in 2 months and she acts annoyed when I want to talk about wedding stuff and gets angry when my other bridesmaids try to talk to her. I don't know what to do. Everyone says asking a wedding party member to step down is to permanently end the friendship...
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Beginner September 2018
Susan · on April 22, 2018 at 2:52 AM
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My thing is it’s your wedding day one of the most special days of your life if your bridesmaids can’t even take the time to be there for you on your day then she doesn’t deserve to be there. We only plan on getting married once in our lives and to ask someone to be apart of your day should be an honor especially if roles were reversed
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VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on April 22, 2018 at 5:30 AM
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Do you think she will even show up to the wedding if she's acting like this towards you?
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VIP October 2018
Sara P. · on April 22, 2018 at 8:00 AM
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I agree with you that trying to talk to her in person is the best but if that's not working, I would at least try to get a phone call in. Tell her you have something important you want to talk with her about and work out a time that is good for both of you to talk. Don't just kick her out.
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Devoted July 2018
A · on April 22, 2018 at 8:01 AM
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I’m pretty sure she’d come, but I have no idea how she would act the day of. Though at this point if she didn’t show up I’d feel kind of relieved.
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Master March 2018
FME · on April 22, 2018 at 8:02 AM
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Honestly, this is going to be huge UO but speak to her as a friend to see what the deal is, if it doesn’t get better then have her step down. I went through this with one bridesmaid but stomached it and kept her in the party because of how rude it is to have a BM step down, but hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I would have had this girl step down. We haven’t talked but twice after the wedding and it’s obviously forced and so I consider the friendship over and now all of my bridesmaid pictures are going to have her in it.
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Devoted July 2018
A · on April 22, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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I’m going to keep trying because she’s one of my only friends in the area and I’m one of her only friends as well. But I just have no idea how long I should keep trying before giving up. 😔 At this point without having talked in person, I would prefer if she wasn’t one of my bridesmaids, but I hope things change.
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VIP September 2017
MrsMcK · on April 22, 2018 at 1:14 PM
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She’s your friend first, then a bridesmaid. Try talking to her as a friend and try to find out what’s wrong, without mentioning the wedding or being a bridesmaid. Kicking her out guarantees the end of your friendship.
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Devoted July 2018
A · on April 22, 2018 at 3:13 PM
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I have been trying to talk to her as a friend. I don’t ask anything of my bridesmaids because I want to have a wedding my FH and I plan. Not one my bridesmaids and I plan. And I don’t want to accidentally turn bridezilla, so I find it better to not talk wedding stuff with anyone else.
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VIP June 2018
Marcellab · on April 22, 2018 at 5:56 PM
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I would keep trying to see if you can get to the bottom of it before you ask her to step down.

I finally got the nerve, after months of knowing I was not going to have one of my BM in the wedding, of telling her. She invited herself to be a bridesmaid and was so excited to get to wear a pretty dress and stand up in front of people. Not be there for me. She just wanted to be able to say she was a bridesmaid. Went around telling everyone. But didn't talk to me. Barely responded to messages or calls from me for the last year. She got into drugs pretty heavily. I've known her since she was 15 and I was 19 though so I was trying to make the friendship work for far longer then I should have.
Ran into her last night at another friends Bachelorette party. She showed up uninvited. Complained to me about the bride not inviting her and made passive aggressive comments about my telling her she's not going to be in my wedding. Then informed me she was bringing her drug dealer 'best friend' to my wedding as her date. If she's even invited she's not getting a plus one...but she will bring one no matter what I say. Even told one of my BM she's going to show up drunk as revenge. It's a nightmare situation for me.
I don't know your friend or how she acts when she gets her feelings hurt but be prepared for it to not go over so well if you do ask her to step down. It's a friendship ruiner.
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Mim · on April 22, 2018 at 6:01 PM
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If you are willing to sever the friendship permanently then fine, but I'd encourage you to do the mature thing and have an honest conversation and decide if you want the maintain the friendship. If not then simply let her know that you can no longer be friends. That will remove her from your wedding party all together
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