Did i make my mom hate my Fh?

You need to stand up for your FH. If your mother insults him, tell her you won’t tolerate that and leave/hang up the phone. Or do you live with her?

Def talk to your mom and maybe find out why she can be so critical of him. I wouldn't tolerate it, and would express to her that even if she doesn't like him, to tolerate him since he will be part of your family. I can understand how u feel, my FMIL is rude to me on occasion and I tend to redirect her myself and usually she will back off, or I have even limited my contact with her/around her.

Yeah, your mom needs to stop. It seems like your mom may have narcissistic personality disorder but then again, I'm not a psychologist. She needs to stop calling him "little boy"... it's very disrespectful and insulting. My FMIL used to treat me like crap and tell my fiance "I don't want to talk to that girl, I don't want to see that girl." Ahh, no. I have a name, hun. She used to be verbally abusive to me and I had enough. I told myself I wouldn't do it, but I started keeping our children away from her and her toxicity which she was extremely upset about. But it was the only way to shelter them from the abuse and the narcissism. She's died down quite a but, I guess because she knows she's losing privileges, I'm going to be marrying her son and I'm not going anywhere. You really need to stand up to your mom and not take the abuse, because she IS abusing both you and your fiance. Talking about him in public in Spanish! How foul! It isn't right and you and your fiance do not deserve it! Do you have kids? If not but you plan to, imagine how she's going to behave then!? All of this needs to stop. She doesn't have to love your fiance but you are her daughter and that's gonna be your husband. She is going to have to learn to respect him. Be cordial. If she can't do even that, she needs to stay the heck away from you guys! It would probably be for the best. I know it seems hard, and I know your guilt-stricken. But I can almost guarantee this will continue on in your married life and it will potentially cause severe issues. Think about it a little. And go from there. All the best!!

I would definitely stand up to your mom. My former best friend hated my husband and she was badmouthing him to my family behind my back. Needless to say that's one reason I'm no longer friends with her. If she doesn't like him that's her problem because you obviously love him so she just needs to deal with it.

It sounds like you and FH have a great relationship and are willing to stand up for each other, which is great! It can definitely be tough with your own parents and your mom sounds especially difficult. I agree with PPs that if you don't stand up to her now, it will continue into your marriage and potentially into any future plans for kids or anything else. That could really strain your relationship later on. Also, if she thinks he's "a little boy," does that mean she thinks you are an immature "little girl?" It sounds like you might need to remind her you're not a kid either. Best of luck!

I'm sorry you feel guilty, but you did the right thing standing up to your mother. Your mother sounds very manipulative & toxic, and her behavior will not improve when you get married & move out & start a family (if you choose to) so you have to set huge boundaries now with your family especially your mother. It may hurt, and she may throw a fit, but don't respond to her tantrums because that is how people like that thrive, when they get reactions from their insane responses. I would consider seeing a counselor to help deal with your moms toxic behavior.

Your mom sounds like she is a narcissist. It is completely your job to set the boundaries now with her and take your Future husbands side. If not, this will destroy your marriage! Think about how it will be if you have children. If she cannot respect him, as hard as it is, she should not be a part of your life.
I have a mother that sounds just like this. Through lots of counseling i have learned to place boundaries but it has been a very painful process. Good luck.

Respect is a two-way street. If she expects FH to treat her with respect, then she has to do the same for him. I hate it when parents act like this!! They think because they are the older generation that fact automatically makes them deserving of respect. Sorry. Nope. That's not how it works.

If she can't treat him respectfully, then maybe it's time for you to cut that negativity out of your life. He's going to be your husband, potentially the father of your children (if that's what you choose), so you should be standing with him 100%, and letting your mom know that you will not tolerate her behavior.

And remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. Just because they are our parents, doesn't mean they know everything, or are right. Sometimes they need a reality check.

I think our moms share the same mentality.. my mom was being a jerk and i told her she needed to stop (cuz it was a every time we talked thing) and that if she didnt she didnt need to come to my wedding she says she wasnt planning to anyway. i would deff give ur fh a heads up

My mother's mom was this way. She made it seem like it was Papa that hated my dad for over 30 years. My mother made her choice and dealt with the guilt of losing her mom for the love of her life. It wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination but she stood by her husband.

If he is what you want and he doesn't make you feel like she does, then you need to stand your ground and accept the facts.

1. You can love you mom.

2. She has no right to have a foothold on your life anymore.

3. You and your FH are the ones who you need to worry about the most.

4. Be honest with FH and tell him everything. The more he knows, the more he should understand and can help you heal.

5. Leave the choice to be a part of your life up to her. BUT make the ground rules very clear to her.

If your mother makes the choice to not attend and be childish then that is HER choice and doing, do not accept blame for someone else's choices.

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Thank you for this message. It means a lot to me. But I do believe my fh is worth fighting for. If he wasn't worth it, i wouldn't have done it. Just sad my mom has to be this way. Things have calmed down but its cause we have not brought it up. All I want her to do is be nice to him, not make him a parade. But she can't even do that. I'm scared to tell my fh this. I do tell him other things but i fell this will insult him. He wont hate her cause he knows how she is. But in a way i feel like i do cause i want him to know i have and will continue to defend him. Thanks again for your advice.