Devestated

Rant and long, but I am soooooo hurt:

As some of you all know I have been having an issue with my MOH. For some time.
She has been super critical, negative and demanding things are Her way. As if this were Her wedding and not Mine!
This has been compounded by the fact she went from being local, and supposedly willing to help do the DIY stuff, to 900 miles away. And married to a controlling asshat.

Fast forward to a week or so ago when 3 of the 4 Bridesmaids were able to come- she wasn’t- and pick their dresses out. This was a Huge Fest as all 3 that came are in different states and happened to be in VA at same time!
I went with the second colour choice( one FH liked a lot, btw!) and went back on the “no strapless” as the gowns were all extremely elegant and looked better strapless than any with straps on my girls!!

Needless to say MOH had a fit. Like a genuine temper tantrum about the following:
Especially when I told her the plum, or any deep purple won’t work with the colour picked. There were two lighter options( all girls have similar hair/skin colour) and they would work on her & with new colour. Or she could be in same colour but with straps/sleeves( as per her request).

She informed me, rudely, that the options laid out were UNacceptable and that navy, dark green or IVORY( hello! MY dress Is ivory!) would work for her- especially since she’s the MOH and should be distinguished as such.
“Nope. These are the 3 choices: Wine like all other girls, Quartz( a dusty lilac) Or Chianti( a softer side of the wine). And I’m sorry in order to get MOH stats ya kinda need to Act like one” was my reply... And wouldn’t her in straps/sleeves and standing next to me, maybe a different coloured bouquet, be enough to stand out? Especially since the wedding website and programs had her listed as such?!

Her, vicious, reply was hurtful, heartbreaking and left me furious. It was sent at 12:15am and 3 text blocks worth, when she knew we were on vacation Saturday.
She basically told me I was a horrible person for asking her to come to me to do wedding stuff( even tho I had offered to PAY FOR HER PLANE TICKET), not okaying the venue with her, not FaceTiming her to let her tell 3 of the girls “NO! You can’t have That colour, you have to take the other!” Even tho 2 of the 3 had picked Special Occasion gowns that Only came in the Wine colour, and I was HAPPY with how elegant they looked on them!!, .... and on and on the message went.

But the one that hurt the most was her telling me that because I refused to let HER dictate My wedding colours( or any choices!) she was going to buy the cheapest dress she could, regardless of how it looked and “wear it because I required it of her”!!! I replied to her “that was childish, petty and extremely hurtful that she’d even consider actively trying to sabotage my wedding, didn’t I have other people I had to worry about doing that? Why did I have to worry about my MOH(?!!) for God’s sake?!”

Her reply to mine was beyond nasty and I don’t know if I should let it go, reply in email to it or call her. I hate to let her think she “won” or got the last word, especially when she twisted my words soooooo much!

Needless to say she is NOT my MOH, or in the wedding at all.
I don’t think she is even a guest at this point( her choice at end of last message)...

I feel fine for her NOT to be in the wedding, but the loss of the friendship hurts- a lot. I don’t have many, close, female friends. Even as “all about me” as she was it was nice to have her there to vent to, or get her opinion on something( not wedding related lol!)....

FH is just baffled by it all.
And is dealing with drama Princess 22yo daughter who has to break up with her( poor) boyfriend EVERY SINGLE time he and I go away on a vacation- and that is Not that often, like last time was February!- even if it’s a weekend! And currently we are in FL( she’s home in VA) for a week. So she’s texting him, constantly, about how awful she feels that She broke up with Him.
And meanwhile FH is like Wtfever about my hurt and loss( and I am devastated by her hateful words and actions- over the last 6mo- especially these last few) and I would appreciate his “ohh poor baby” sympathy, but I guess I don’t need it?

Sorry ladies. Just hurt, don’t know how to let her last message go- or if I should. And I guess wanted to get ya’lls opinions......