Devastated - Ex husband won't let kids come to wedding

Just out of curiosity, why did you change weekends?

Ugh I would be heartbroken if my ex tried to pull that. It's technically his weekend with our 9 year old but thankfully he works with me really well and is fine with us taking my son for the week we'll be gone. I'm sorry your ex is such a tool I don't get why people have to be like that. It's not fair at all to the kids.

I'm so sorry. Are things usually difficult with you and your ex? If so, I probably would have scheduled the wedding on the weekend you were set to have them, but hind sight is 20/20.


Sad the children are being put in this situation. I would try and minimize it to them so they dont feel so guilty (being they have no control) and say you'll do something special just to celebrate with the 4 of you (and any of FHs kids, if he has any).

Would you be opposed to getting married at the courthouse prior to your scheduled ceremony so your children could be there with you? Or doing a symbolic ceremony with them present prior to your wedding?

My dad and stepmom got married without us present and it was extremely hurtful, even though I know that wasn't their intention.

I am so sorry. I can’t imagine going through this, especially so close to the wedding. I also can’t imagine doing this to the other parent. ExH and I share our oldest and we’re actually flying down to the DR from MA so she can participate in his DW and not miss as much school as he’ll be there for.

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We switched so that he could go out of town with his girlfriend.

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My Dad and stepmom got married without me and swore I'd never even think about doing that to my kids. I was heartbroken.

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He is always difficult. I am the more level-headed one. He was supposed to re-finance or sell our marital home according to court order earlier this year but, I allowed him to stay while he got his credit together as long as the mortgage was paid on time. I am always (and I mean always) the one who would rather do right by my kids and he is always the one who would rather do right by himself...hence our divorce.

It was originally my weekend. We switched weekends over the summer so that he could go out of town with his girlfriend. I honestly didn't think about it until this morning and now all of a sudden he has plans that weekend that my children have no idea about.

I'm so so sorry he's making you go through this. I don't have kids so it's hard for me to give advice, but maybe just talk to him again and remind him that you switched weekends so he could do something he wanted to do, and this is something you want to do with your kids. It's not fair for him to pull them away from the celebration. Parents should want their kids to grow up and participate in family settings.

I am so sorry to hear this! How terrible. I don't know what I would do if I was in that situation. Especially since you switched with him for his benefit! I am fortunate that my ex and I do what is best for the boys and have never had an issue. FH is not so lucky. I learned a long time ago to get everything in writing from his ex so she could not pull this kind of crap. It was a nightmare and I feel for anyone having to go through it. Luckily his youngest is 16 now. She has lived only with us for the last 2 1/2 years (by her choice, only sees mom on her terms, not the courts) and life has been SO much easier without the exes BS.

As hard as it is, just keep doing the right thing. Your kids will see that and love you for it. As far as this goes, are you sure he is not going to budge? I can't imagine any plans he would have with them that would trump your wedding. What a jerk.

He really can't just switch weekends with you? For an important event? Especially when they are voicing their excitement to be there with you on your wedding day? That's a new level of petty. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

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Why did you agree to the switch, if it was your wedding weekend?

Ugh that's really terrible of him. I wish people would stop using their children as pawns it's despicable.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Maybe he may change his mind :/

View Quoted Comment The switch was over the summer not the wedding weekend. I have even taken extra weekends since our divorce whenever he asks so he could have alone time with his girlfriend because I love my boys and at my house we are one big crazy blended family. We have 50/50 custody and switch on Fridays. The boys would be leaving my custody the day of the rehearsal dinner. The wedding is the next day.

I'm so sorry this is happening. This is infuriating. I truly hope he comes to his senses because you deserve to be with your children on your wedding day

Wow after reading through these I feel so bad that he is doing this to you. Especially since you have accommodated him so many times. As a pp said I would try to minimizing discussing with the kids. Can you try to talk to him about about how you have and will continue to work with him when he needs some extra time. If not (and this would be petty angry me speaking) explain how you would have to start the sale of the house, not switching weekends, etc if it came down to it. I know that is not the most pleasant road but I fear my frustration would take me to that level.

I also like PP idea of have a courthouse wedding and the a symbolic ceremony at the actual wedding.

This is absolutely horrible. I would honestly consider getting married at the courthouse before, even if it's the weekend before your original wedding date so your kids can be there. I know that not ideal but if he's not going to change his mind then you have to weigh your options and choose what means more to you........ being married on your actual wedding day or having yours kids witness your marriage.....since he won't allow you to have both.

I'm so sorry. I'd use every guilt trip on him I could think of, I'd go to the girlfriend if there's a chance she'd be sympathetic, his mom, since you'd think she'd have grandkids interests in mind. U hope he comes to his senses. It's so unfair that he's punishing you for doing him a favor.

Your lawyer can file for an exparte hearing. Otherwise sadly, your ex is just doing this to be mean. I’d live by your court order to a T from here on out.

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It isn't an emergency situation so she will not get a hearing in time.