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Expert October 2021

Destressing with fiancé help

Sarah, on January 24, 2020 at 11:20 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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So I have been super stressed lately (stuck at a job I don’t like that is super stressful and mentally draining). I have been taking all of my stress and frustration out on my fiancé. I am also jealous that his job gives him so much time off while mine does not. I feel like I am pushing my fiancé away because of all of this stress. He is still my best friend, we just are not lovey dovey towards each other really anymore. I need advice on what I can do to bring back the romance to the relationship. Because I don’t want to lose my fiancé, he is my best friend and I love him. Lately I am either, way to stressed out and irritable or I am depressed. I need ideas for inexpensive dates my fiancé and I can have to bring back the romance. Because right now it is on days I see him, I am stressed out from work, we have dinner, talk about our day, watch tv, and go to bed. Plus we argue a lot (usually about money), lately it has been about money and me being jealous of him. I know these are red flags. It literally just became like this a few weeks ago though. I need any advice I can get.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on January 25, 2020 at 10:57 AM

Super October 2021
Suzie · on January 24, 2020 at 11:52 PM
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First off, you need to stop projecting all of your stress and frustration onto your fiancé, that isn’t fair to him. You shouldn’t fault him for having a better work situation than you. That isn’t his fault, and you should be glad he doesn’t have to deal with the things you do. Therapy can be really helpful if you’re struggling with your work, and can help you sort through your jealousy.

As for dates, try doing some low key, relaxing nights together. Maybe make something new for dinner together, and instead of eating and watching tv, sit at the table and communicate - not about money or issues. Talk about your wedding and what you’re both excited about. Honeymoon ideas, registry ideas... something light and hopeful. Remember that he is your best friend and you two are a team, and should support each other no matter what.

If you’re that unhappy at work, maybe you need to start looking for a new job as well.
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Desirae · on January 25, 2020 at 12:50 AM
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We have an inside axe throwing place near us that we enjoy going to. It’s fun, slightly frustrating at first when you’re trying to get the axe to stick, but once you get the hang of it you’ll enjoy it, and let some frustration out. Sometimes even just going for a walk or drive together can be helpful.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on January 25, 2020 at 12:57 AM
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First, it really helps when someone has awareness that they share that (and an apology) with their partner. Just apologizing helps the other person put down their guard too.

Suggest that you really want to help bring some fun back into the relationship because you’ve been stressed. A morning walk and enjoying a coffee date? Renting bikes at a park or beach? Maybe catching a matinee movie?
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on January 25, 2020 at 7:28 AM
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Based on this, along with your previous post about not being able to see yourself with your significant other for a lifetime, I’d highly suggest speaking with a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot going on internally, and a professional could help you to figure everything out.
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Expert October 2021
Sarah · on January 25, 2020 at 9:54 AM
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The funny part about this post is there is an axe throwing place by my house my fiancé and I both want to try. I will definitely have to recommend that to him. I know in February we are going to a wedding in California, so I am sure that weekend trip being away from home and work, will help as well.
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Expert October 2021
Sarah · on January 25, 2020 at 10:32 AM
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I have a apologized so many times already. My fiancé knows how my job is. We talk about work all the time after we get off of work, I love that we get to talk about our day. I just feel like I am so badly strained and stressed after work to do anything. Sometimes when he knows it has been a really bad day, he will take me out on a date or make dinner, which I love. Now that the weather is warming up, we will probably start taking the dogs for walks again.
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Expert October 2021
Sarah · on January 25, 2020 at 10:36 AM
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I have talked with several therapists, all they ever want to do is put me on medication. They never suggest anything I can do that does not require medication. Which every time they put me on medicine, it just makes everything worse, whenever I tell them that they always just up the dosage which makes it worse. I have been in therapy since I was 5 (parents divorce, so court mandated). I have yet to find someone who will listen to me and suggest an alternative to medicine.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on January 25, 2020 at 10:43 AM
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Walking the dogs will be nice.

It looks like your wedding is far enough off you can look for a start a new one. I don’t know if most of your issues stem from your job, but if so, would that help?
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Expert October 2021
Sarah · on January 25, 2020 at 10:49 AM
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Pretty much all of my issues come from my job. Since we have been so short staffed everyone at my job, even my bosses have been so stressed out (they are normally never stressed). Plus I don’t love what I am doing or the company I am at either. So next month after I hit my five year mark with my company, I am really going to try hard on getting a new job.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on January 25, 2020 at 10:55 AM
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That seems like an important plan for your health and you relationship! 👏
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on January 25, 2020 at 10:57 AM
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When we were super stressed or most when I was stressed with the planning I just made a date for us to relax and not talk about the wedding. You could give each other couple massages! Or get couple massages.
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