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Savvy August 2020

Destination wedding/etiquette

Emma, on November 17, 2019 at 5:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hi everyone! I recently (6 months out) have decided to say forget all the wedding stuff, and invite our closest 40 people to a destination wedding in St. Lucia.
Since were having a destination wedding, I wonder if the bridal showers we have planned by a close friend who isn’t able to attend the destination wedding will get canceled? Selfishly I still want to feel “bridal” it’s not necessarily about the gifts so much as just the celebrations and getting dressed up for the parties.
Who’s had a destination wedding? I’ve read you can’t expect the guests who come to the DW to give gifts because they are paying for their travel. Which is totally understandable. Im wondering if it would be appropriate for our church or older relatives to host a “sea the couple on their way” shower before we leave? Am I being selfish? ❤️

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on November 18, 2019 at 8:40 PM

Super February 2020
Jeanie · on November 17, 2019 at 6:16 PM
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That’s totally up to whomever is planning those events. You can’t, or shouldn’t, ask for these things as it will cost your guests a significant amount more to attend your destination wedding. Just let everyone know what you plan is, especially if they were already told via save the date or otherwise that they were invited to the wedding. Anything past that is up to them to choose if they want to host for you. That’s just part of having a destination wedding. You don’t always get all the traditional hoopla as with a local event.
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Savvy August 2020
Emma · on November 17, 2019 at 6:28 PM
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Thank you!!
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on November 17, 2019 at 7:19 PM
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You can't ask someone to throw you a shower, and it would be totally fair for your friend who is suddenly now in effect uninvited from your wedding since you decided to change it to a destination wedding in St. Lucia to withdraw her offer of hosting a shower for you. One of the things you often give up when you decide to have a destination wedding is pre-wedding events. Also, only people invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding events (*with the exception of work and church showers), so even if your friend still wants to host a shower for you the guest list might need to be changed.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on November 18, 2019 at 3:46 PM
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We are! We are moving and getting married on the way to our new home. Three people at this point have come forward to give me a farewell/bridal shower. Despite there being "etiquette" that warns against having a shower and inviting people who aren't on the wedding list..most people are super excited for us and our small wedding. They say that it is easier and will be elegant and are expressing no anger for not receiving an invite. The invites haven't even went out yet and people are buying off a registry. I say go for it ONLY IF someone offers to throw it.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on November 18, 2019 at 3:50 PM
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I thought I'd add, people know the guest list is maxed at 30 and the hosts have been letting people know our intention. This way there is no surprise when an invite doesn't show up. Be clear and people shouldn't get too crabby.

Also, did you know that showers were once used for brides that had a family who didn't approve or for a bride who couldn't afford a wedding? Interesting tidbit of info for you.
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Savvy August 2020
Emma · on November 18, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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Thank you for your reply Jennifer! It was very helpful. I can assume our church would still want to host a farewell shower for us considering it’s and older crowd and I think most of them didn’t plan to come to wedding that was only 15 minutes away.
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Savvy August 2020
Emma · on November 18, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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Of course I would NEVER ask someone for a shower!!
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Savvy August 2020
Emma · on November 18, 2019 at 3:56 PM
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I would NEVER ask anyone to throw a shower for us. I guess I’m wondering if some one offers, what should I say, and it seems the consensus is that I should say yes. As long as I’m straight forward about the attendance which is maxed at 40
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Dedicated May 2022
Laura · on November 18, 2019 at 8:40 PM
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I had a destination wedding for my first marriage at a Sandals resort. I loved it! It was a wonderful decision. It was just us but after we cane back we had a small reception and shower our video and pictures. Our church did a bridal shower prior to the wedding and it was a great help. I dint think it is selfish. There is no difference in wedding at home or wedding away, those that love you will want to celebrate in your joy whether they are able to be present at your wedding or not. People understand you can only invite so many and do not expect to always be invited. Good luck on your wedding! You’ll be happy with your choice
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