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August 2020

Destination Wedding Stress

Diann, on October 25, 2019 at 3:35 AM Posted in Planning 0 11

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Help! My son and his fiancee are about to change there mind on a local wedding ( non refundable deposits have been made) to a destination wedding 8/8/20 is the date.
All of her side will be able to attend including her two young sisters that are in the wedfing because they are financially well off
My side is not. My son has offered to pay for myself and my husband. However his two sister & spouses (our daughters) could not afford to spend that kind of money plus what to do with 4 kids from one and 1 child from the other.
My heartache is I wont enjoy myself without my girls and there families being able to be there also when all of her family will be there. I just dont feel right about going and the girls cant. My sons attitude is well if they can go,ok. if they cant, fine. I feel he is being uncaring to his sisters and is also not taking our feelings about the girls into consideration. Am I being unreasonable?...We have always done things as a family and he was included in both of there weddings as a best man an groomsman, his sisters were not asked to be in his. I feel like I will betray my girls if I go and disapoint my son if I dont. And I know the girls will be hurt. I just dont know what to do!!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Yoice, on October 31, 2019 at 2:55 PM

Expert September 2020
Marcia · on October 25, 2019 at 6:35 AM
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I feel that it’s your son’s wedding and he should celebrate it however he prefers. In my opinion, you should go. If you don’t, your son will likely be very hurt. He offered to pay for your trip to insure your attendance so it’s obviously important to him.

talk to your girls and see what they think. Good luck!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on October 25, 2019 at 7:49 AM
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I agree with you that it doesn’t sound as if this is the fairest decision to your family. While there’s always family things that go on, the fact that he really doesn’t seem to care if his sisters are there I’m sure is pretty disappointing. I don’t think it’s unusual for the grooms sisters to not be bridesmaids, that’s usually a role for the brides besties. But is this lackadaisical attitude about his sisters new, or has he always been distant?

I would ask why the sudden change in plans? Deposit aside, I would be surprised if they don’t have more than just the venue planned, and this would mean they are starting from scratch. If they don’t want the whole, big traditional wedding, you could suggest having something small but closer to home where your family could all attend. Unfortunately at the end of the day it is his wedding and he can plan whatever he chooses. Whether you decide to go if his sisters cannot is something you need to think about and live with the decision. I would also get your daughters opinion about this, because maybe he has already discussed it with them.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 25, 2019 at 8:29 AM
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I understand why you feel the way you do but you have to remember it’s his day and they should get to do what they want for their special day. Personally as a mother I would not miss that day for anything in the world regardless of who could come but that’s a decision you need to make. I would not try to change their mind if this is what they want.
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Dedicated April 2020
Lyndsey · on October 25, 2019 at 9:01 AM
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At the end of the day, it is their wedding and they should be able to have the wedding they want. It's not like they are pressuring your daughters to attend when they know they can't afford it, that would be wrong of them. I understand your disappointment that your daughters and their families won't be able to attend, but your son obviously wants you there if he is willing to pay for you and your husband to attend, which I think is really nice of him. If you don't attend your son's wedding I think you will probably come to regret it and without any financial excuse it would be a bit of a slap in the face to him in my opinion. I also wouldn't expect the groom's sisters to be included in the wedding party unless they are close to the bride and she wants them as bridesmaids. It's nice that your daughters included their brother when they got married but that doesn't create any obligation, everyone has their own way doing weddings. I would hope your daughters will understand that their mother doesn't want to miss out on her son's wedding just because they can't attend and not put you in the position of making a choice between them and your son.
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Super April 2021
Izzykern · on October 25, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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I have to agree with your son and his fiancé on this because it is their wedding and they should be able to choose to celebrate how they want. It is hard to spare feelings and make everyone happy, especially for destination weddings. We are having one, knowing that some may not be able to come. In my opinion, it’s extremely stressful for the bride and groom to make these decisions so i would try to support them as much as possible.
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Devoted January 2020
Ellie · on October 25, 2019 at 10:19 AM
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I think it's completely your son's and his fiancee's choice to celebrate their wedding in the way that they choose. I think it also shows that he definitely wants you and your husband to be there since he's offering to pay for you guys to be there and as his parents you guys should definitely be there to support him on his big day. Even if it does hurt his sisters' feelings.
With that said I have to agree that unless there's some drama between him and his sisters I think it's pretty messed up that he doesn't care if they make it or not especially considering that his bride's family will be there. It's not like they are distant 4th cousins or something. If I were one of the sisters I'd just take it as a note of my level of relevance. However, you never know if there's some reason why he specifically doesn't care if they are there or not that you may not be aware of.
I just don't think as a mother you want to choose a side. You can sympathize with your daughters, express your feelings to your son but at the end of the day you need to be there for him and your daughters need to understand that you have to be there as a mother.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on October 25, 2019 at 7:38 PM
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I agree with everyone above, it's your son and his fiance's wedding. However, maybe you could speak to him to see if he's willing to at least pay for his sister's in addition to yours. We decided to pay for all of our immediate family members plane tickets and hotel rooms and even then my own little sister might not be able to go. I have booked her room and flights knowing that she may need to cancel depending on whether or not she's on call that week. I can only hope she can make it work and come.
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Devoted January 2021
CatMom0715 · on October 25, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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This sounds like my situation with my FH's family, but more of the having a destination wedding & some of his family won't be able to attend part. Long story short, we don't really care if some people can't make it. We're paying for the wedding ourselves & it's our day, so it's going to be the wedding we want. If people want us to have a local wedding, then they can pay for it, but that's not what I want. I understand it may be frustrating, but at the end of the day there's not much you can do except go & enjoy yourself and watch your son get married.
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Savvy December 2020
Delaney · on October 25, 2019 at 10:40 PM
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I think that if that's the wedding your son wants to have, then you should honor that... Additionally, I think that you should go to the wedding even if your daughters can't... I'm sure they will understand and I think you would regret missing your son's wedding more than anything else you are currently worried about.
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Savvy March 2021
MontelongoMagic** · on October 31, 2019 at 2:42 PM
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I agreed with some of the other comments, it's your son's wedding and he should have what he wants. I'm curious to the reasons for the change? Did they just want something different or was the cost of hosting something local getting out of hand, my thought is maybe the latter because I'm in the same position. We decided to do destination because while we love our family, it's huge and having it in a different local automatically limits who can attend. While not ideal for your side of the family I get it, maybe understanding why they made the change would help everyone come to terms with their decision. Obviously he wants you there, and as his mother you should definitely attend.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on October 31, 2019 at 2:55 PM
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I don't think you are being unreasonable but I think is his decision at the end of the day. When I decided to have a destination wedding my dad told me if I was aware not everyone would be able to attend and I come from a very tight/unite family and I told him I understood but is what I wanted so he was all in for it. If this is what your son decides and he wants to pay for you and your husband you should be there for him however you can. As much as you want your daughters to go if they can't then he and his fiance shouldn't change their plans for them. I'm sure they can have a local dinner to celebrate with everyone.
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