Destination wedding for sister

That's a tough one. It is a lot for them to ask of you. You should talk to your sister one on one about this and address your concerns. If they haven't decided on the Mexico wedding yet show them the benefits of their original plan.

No, you are not in the wrong. Your sister has made a choice for her wedding that makes it not practical for many people. I wouldn't go into debt to attend someone else's wedding either.
I would not budge on your decision.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the reply!
I know she is really excited, and probably thought I would be very on board because 7 years ago we actually had a destination wedding. We also had a small church ceremony with wine and cheese after in our city that people attended who could not make it. I'm a bit shocked, because when we decided to do a destination wedding, we knew family and friends would not be able to attend and accepted that as part of our decision. 2 girls I asked to be my bridesmaids could not come, My brother and father couldn't come and although I was sad about it, I understood and never was angry with them for not being able to come. Now 7 years later, we have a house and all the costs that come with it, a baby, vehicle payments and insurance etc and it's likely just not possible for us.

I think telling someone to put it on a credit card and basically suck it up is incredibly rude. She should understand that because it is out of the country and you just had a baby, there is a chance you can't make it. I don't think you are in the wrong at all

I think you're being reasonable. I understand that she wants her sister there- I would be the same way - but she can't have a fancy destination wedding and expect everybody to produce the money to come. You should stand by your finances and take care of yourselves. There's no reason for you guys to go into debt. If she does decide to go ahead with destination, you could suggest that she have a small reception back home for everyone, at least family who can't make it. Gives her a reason to dress up again too.

You are being smart by putting your family's financial security first. That is the risk your sister runs by choosing a wedding that far away and that expensive! I agree with PPs, talk to your sister one on one!

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This makes it even crazier to me that your sister isn't being more understanding of your situation. You didn't force your friends who could not be bridesmaids/come into coming anyways and even your brother and father missed the wedding? Your wedding 7 years ago should have been a lesson to her - not everyone is able to make a destination wedding so plan accordingly.

You also have very real reasons for not being able to attend. Its not like you said no to going to her wedding and then booked a personal vacation for the same cost instead.

Also, if it is so easy to put debt on a credit card and pay it off later, why doesn't she cover your expenses with her own credit card? NOT a real suggestion!! But you see what I mean, she has to know that just putting the expense on a credit card is not a viable solution to not having the money.

I think since its your sister, if she decides on Mexico you should try to save money if you can, so you don't have to feel sad about missing the wedding. But trying is all you should do, you can't be made to feel bad if you try and still can't come up with the money.

You're not unreasonable at all! You need to talk to your sister!

I'm having a DW and know that both my sisters don't make as much as me. I wasn't going to let them get into more debt after medical school just because I wanted a DW. I brought it up with my FH about paying for their flights and accommodations, and then we thought to include his brother, then my parents, and his mom+her bf. We even decided to include my sister's fiance (at the time bf) because we knew he was already family.

We eventually decided that it should just be an intimate wedding of just immediate family. I didn't want to pay for more people and 10 people including ourselves seemed perfect.

Don't let her feel like you need to go, you have your own responsibilities too. If she wants a DW she needs to consider your finances. If she wants you in the wedding party then she should pay for you and your family to go. It's just easy as that. You shouldn't go into debt just because she wants a DW.

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This, exactly. And this is why I am not a fan of destination-for-destination's-sake weddings, in general. There is so much extra social familial pressure when it comes to weddings that it's not always just a case of saying you can't afford it and just not going. Family guilt is a hell of a drug. And people say here all the time, "The people who really want to be there/really care about you, will be there!" Um, nope, that's not how real life works.

I wasn't able to afford to go to my brother's wedding in Spain, and even though I DID make it to his first wedding (two weddings to the same person, a Spaniard) in the US (also a DW for everyone by the bride and groom), my Dad never let up with the guilt trip. Well, he did stop mentioning it after my brother got divorced, but...those years of him shaming me for not going into debt to attend another wedding of the same two people hurt me.

So, all of that said, you are not being unreasonable and I think you are going to just have to accept that some people will be unhappy with your decision. You can't change their minds, so just live your life in the way that makes the most sense for your family unit. The family relationship angle is a bit complicated since you yourself had a destination wedding, but there's nothing that can be done about that.

Good luck sticking to your guns!

You are doing the right thing. You need to be responsible about finances , for your security. Most often the kind of insurance most people have can be a problem in Mexico, and you have a young baby. You could end up with a huge bill, or simply not get needed care, at the destination site. And when ever you travel far from home you have a fresh set of germs you and your baby are not resistant to. My daughter had a strep infection at age two, after we left relatives in Europe, while going place to place. We we're not allowed on a plane home. We spent an extra 12,000 on extra food, lodgings, Dr and lab bills because we were not covered by their country's insurance, and we had to get money wired and pay up front. An expensive 6 day addition to our trip. Luckily the other kids were not an issue. We did it for a 3 month stay. Worth it. But 6 days extra in what should have been a long flight with a single stop, was a nightmare. And we each missed a week of pay/work. Traveling abroad with babies is always risky. Because fevers pop up quickly, and the look and act sick, cry and fuss, any airline, hotel, or restaurant knows. But the cost of all room service ... I would not do it for a simple wedding, that could happen in the US, even if family paid for everything.
Your sister could marry here, then honeymoon anywhere they want. It is not that this is where the other family lives. She would still get the trip. But she would rather have the ceremony there, and it matters more than whether or not you can be there. Skip the wedding. Tell her flat out no, very early on, don't let her think there is a possibility you might. If enough people do that, they may reconsider. If everyone says they will try, she will go on with plans. Then be furious at anyone who does not make it. Especially if few do. And she is on the hook , money paid. Be fair, and give a hard No, not possible.

That is a lot to ask of you with your circumstances. Maybe see if they can help with some of the costs if they insist on you be there, otherwise, I would just let her know that it wont be possible for you to make it.