Destination wedding etiquette

Honestly? I'd let it go. Even though you may not know the boyfriends, they should have been included in the invitations in the first place since they are part of the social unit. What's done is done, but I would understand that the friend would want him on this destination trip with her. I personally would never go to an out of state wedding without my husband (and still would not have gone when we were dating) so I feel like your friend turning the trip into a vacation that he can join in on is her way of respecting your wishes of him not attending the wedding but also making sure she's got someone to experience the trip with.

There isn’t a situation to handle. Like you said, you can’t control people’s travel and vacation plans. Etiquette-wise, he honestly should have been included as they are a social unit, but so long as she respects your wishes and doesn’t bring him to the wedding, what they do outside of that window of time is not your domain.

I'm trying to understand why this bothers you. If she has RSVP'd for herself, than you have what you need. Whether she's bringing her boyfriend on her travels to your wedding is really none of your business and she doesn't need your permission.
I think with destination weddings in particular it's kinda rude to expect your single guests to travel solo. And in this case, you're expecting a couple to be apart while the other travels to an event about a couple's love. To be honest, I think you should include your friends' boyfriends in the invitation. You still have 6 months to plan for the additions. If you're worried about not having meet them, you have plenty of time to meet them before the wedding so you'll feel more comfortable with them there.

I would never, ever bring my SO to an event where he is clearly not invited. Tacky. If I took issue with him not being invited, I would simply not go.


That being said, I agree with PP
A boyfriend should be invited as part of the social unit.
It is rude to make guests travel solo for a destination, or put them in a situation where they have to find a travel/accommodation partner in other guests. Traveling with a friend or an acquaintance out of convenience is different from traveling with your SO.
I am presuming you are hosting these additional activities. Let the bf feel awkward. Not your problem. Most people make a vacation out of a destination wedding anyway.
If you're not picking up the tab for these activities, then you truly have nothing to complain about. If you're just asking people to meet up with you, and everyone is paying their own way, that's more of an organized vacation than a wedding event.

Your invitations went out way too early, usually it's 6-8 weeks ahead of the event.

You need to invite the partner of people invited to the wedding. You can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs by making a partner stay home. x 1000 for a destination wedding.

Well whether Boyfriend comes or not for the trip isn’t really your business…
But it was pretty rude to omit them in the first place, especially for a destination wedding. Couples should ALWAYS be invited together unless there are some very serious reasons in which you would not invite one of them. (And I’m talking like they’re dangerous or would cause problems) You should honestly consider inviting the significant others especially if these are good friends of yours. I have two good friends coming to my wedding and I’ve met one boyfriend one time as she lives across the country and the other I’ve met only a handful of times but I would never ask them to come to my wedding, which is also a destination wedding, without them. I would currently not travel to a wedding without my fiancé or attend one if I felt he was being excluded regardless if I knew other people there. And if I did decide to attend your wedding still without him I would definitely make a trip out of your wedding and have him travel with me

Thanks for everyone's response! I'll definitely take that into consideration. I guess I should've added that I don't really like her boyfriend because the one time I did meet him he was very rude and drunk during a daytime event so I don't want any issues over the weekend. Also as for the "social unit", in my culture and religion, we consider this to be when a couple is engaged or married so I wasn't aware this is such a thing for newly dating couples.

If he's not abusive or throwing punches he gets invited. Otherwise realistically how do you see this going? He sits in the hotel room while she's celebrating with you?

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Right, which is why i feel like I’m forced to invite someone i didn’t want there in the first place now. Also how can you guarantee a drunk wouldn’t throw punches at an open bar?

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Also Jackson hole is a hot destination because of the surrounding national parks so things get booked out a year in advance like lodging and stuff. Most people who plan to go there plan at least a year out for accommodation so that’s why i had to send them out very early

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You hire security.

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You hire a bartender that knows when to cut people off and you have security at your venue. I've been to dozens of open bar weddings with plenty of people who have gotten drunk and I've never seen anyone get in a fight at a wedding.

Backing up the other posters here. I understand that you don't really care for the boyfriend, and you want an intimate affair...but that doesn't mean that you can be rude to your guests. Both members of a couple should be invited, particularly if travel is involved. I would urge you to reconsider inviting the partners of your guests.

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You have a bartender serving and watching guests.

I wouldn't have gone to an event if my SO was explicitly excluded. I think you should be happy she's coming at all. The boyfriend being there shouldn't matter.

Yikes, sometimes people responding on here can come off super harsh/rude... There are certainly nicer ways to communicate your opinions, guys!

I think it's okay that you were under a different interpretation of when to view a couple as a social unit (thus being included in invitations), that you didn't like the impression you got of this boyfriend, and that you wanted to keep your wedding intimate. I do still think that the considerate thing to do is include the significant others in your wedding, especially because it's a destination wedding. For our destination wedding, we've even extended open +1's for our single friends because we know it might not be fun for them to travel all alone. It certainly expands the guest list, and by result the overall cost if that's a factor for you here, but I think it's the right thing to do and would make the experience more enjoyable for your guests. Also if headcount becomes any sort of concern for you, with a destination wedding a lotttt of people end up not being able to attend (even those who initially seem all in, speaking from experience lol).

My thoughts about your negative impression of this friend's boyfriend is that maybe it was just a fluke and I don't know that we could really anticipate the worst from him (i.e., he'll get drunk and throw a punch at the wedding), unless he really has a proven track record (which maybe he does). Anyway, if you choose to leave it as is, I don't think it's any problem that he's coming along for the vacation part of it! Like some others said, it sounds like this was a compromise they were able to make together! I get the sense that you feel weird about it because he'll be around for other activities, in which case I'd encourage considering changing your strategy about not inviting these boyfriends.