Destination Wedding Engagement Party Etiquette

I had a DW and my parents (who hosted the event) only invited people to the engagement party who are invited to the wedding. To invite people who aren't invited to the wedding is just too rude for me. My family and I would never even thing to do that.

Has someone offered to throw the engagement party for you? Maybe just keep it small immediate family and a few close friends.

Yep my mom and bridesmaids are throwing the engagement party! We're just trying to keep the wedding small, but still want to be able to celebrate with those here, which is why I was thinking we might be able to invite others.

Technically you shouldn't invite people to pre-wedding events who aren't invited to the wedding. Could you do a celebration after the fact? That way, none of those people will be expecting invitations and you can avoid any possibility of hurt feelings.

I second this.

My FMIL is throwing a celebration two weeks after the wedding for us and inviting their family friends and extended family that we didn't invite to the actual wedding because we wanted to keep it intimate.

Everyone who wants to break the standards of good etiquette has a reason that what they are proposing is a unique situation. It's not.

If you want these people at your engagement party, invite them to the wedding. It's that simple. They can be the ones to decide if they attend whether event, both events, or neither event.

If you want a small wedding, all pre-wedding event guest lists be be correspondingly small.

Agree with people here. Only invite wedding guests to your engagement party/shower.

However, if you'd like to throw a local reception party after your wedding, then it's fine to invite anyone to that and continue your wedding celebration. We did that. We kept our DW small and mostly family (and it would have been too expensive for some guests to travel), so we threw a local reception 3 months later.

The standard rule of etiquette seems to be that you shouldn't invite family and friends to an engagement party that aren't invited to the wedding. And, generally speaking, it seems like a reasonable rule that helps safeguard the feelings of others. However, I think there are exceptions to this rule but you have to be very careful you actually fit the exception. If the engagement party is more like an extension of the wedding reception and you make it clear that all you ask is the pleasure of your invitees' company (i.e. you provide food/drinks and say "no gifts") AND there are legitimate reasons why you couldn't extend them a wedding invite in the first place (i.e. DW and too expensive to have a big wedding, massive family, etc.), then it is okay.