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Just Said Yes August 2018

Destination wedding disaster

Bride, on May 13, 2018 at 1:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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I am feeling at my wits end! We are 3 months away and the closer we get the more the problems. My fiancé’s aunt and cousins cancelled costing us $1100. We didn’t say anything to her, she couldn’t afford it we understood. One of the rooms booked the friends aren’t getting along. Convinced them to just try and make it work. They are a little weird around each other but fine. Now one of his friends sent a rude drunk text last night. Saying some very hurtful stuff, and it was out of left field. We haven’t done or said anything to this guy, he won’t answer calls or texts. Now he’s cancelling costing us and his roommate we paired him with money. We feel desperate to try finding more people to come to help save us discounts. We are paying for the wedding on our own with a mortgage. Not enough time to save more money or convince more people to come. We are feeling unsupported and like this destination wedding was a bad idea. I’m trying to stay positive and not overreact. Do we throw it out on fb to see if anyone can come, does that look desperate? We are sending announcements with a wedding bank account for gifts. We aren’t expecting many will actually give us wedding money. We have 22 people booked so we can’t cancel. What would you do, I need advice.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Will & Tiara, on May 13, 2018 at 4:45 PM

Master June 2016
Sarah · on May 13, 2018 at 1:08 PM
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This is a lot to unpack. Why did you pair people in rooms together instead of letting people figure that out on their own? Also, why are you out $1100 for the aunt and cousin cancelling. I definitely wouldn’t post if dacebook and I think it’s rude to include any kind of bank info (or anything about gifts at all) ESPECIALLY when guests are spending good money to even be able to attend your wedding.
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Just Said Yes August 2018
Bride · on May 13, 2018 at 1:26 PM
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The wedding booking agent we used recommended 2 people to a room since they are suites and cost more. They were the two guy friends that are single and needed someone to book with. For every 12rooms booked the hotel discounts your wedding package $990. She was also the head count for the dinner reception I have to pay for their dinners now because you pay for 25 no matter what. A lot of friends recommended opening a wedding account fund through a bank (that is a thing here in Utah where I live) We have a house and things so we aren’t registering.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on May 13, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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Why couldn’t they book regular rooms instead of the suites? All of this sounds very wrong to me. I’ve never heard of single people sharing rooms, unless they were friends and decided to do it on their own. It honestly sounds like you picked a destination and a package you couldn’t really afford.

As far as the wedding fund goes, whether it’s a thing where you live or not, it’s super inappropriate to include it in any invitation/announcement.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on May 13, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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Dont post anything on FB. And do not pst anything about a bank account. These are the unfortunate realities with weddings and destination weddings, people cancel and will leave you holding the bag. I will say that you shouldn't have signed up for any discounts that were not guaranteed and your guests shouldn't be essentially paying for your wedding by providing a discount.
When is your wedding it sats April 2018 in your profile?
Whats done is done, enjoy your wedding and don't worry about this other stuff.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on May 13, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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I agree with the PPs. You should never plan a wedding expecting your guests to subsidize it either through discounts offered by the venue or money they give you directly. Not only is it rude to your guests but as you're finding out, you can't rely on it. Definitely do not put this on Facebook and do not put any sort of bank account on your wedding announcements. It's generally frowned upon to put anything about gifts on your invitations, but it is very rude to put it on your announcements because these are sent to people you didn't even invite to the wedding yet you're expecting a gift from them? Hard no.
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Just Said Yes August 2018
Bride · on May 13, 2018 at 2:16 PM
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They are friends, the hotel only has suites it’s all inclusive. I just planned everything based on the wedding planner agents advice. Who maybe now I’m questioning how they helped me plan. I know people cancel and we are very understanding as destination weddings are asking a lot. I guess I just feel like a helpless bride looking to see how others have handled these situations happening to them. I feel like we made a bad choice and I’m just trying to figure out what to do. Payments are due next month and all guests are committed except this one guy. So do we just add his portion of the room to our bill at this point?
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on May 13, 2018 at 3:33 PM
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I don't understand why people cancelling is costing you money. It sounds like you went about this all the wrong way. Generally people coming to a destination wedding are responsible for all their own travel costs and it shouldn't involve you whatsoever. Even if you have a block at a certain place with a special rate, it's still up to them. You should definitely not have assumed that you'd get discounts from your guests' attendance, so you should have enough money budgeted to cover it all.
This got really complicated when you inveigled yourselves into their planning. It's normal to expect some cancellations because travel is so expensive and people may want to come and realize they can't afford it.
Yes, it will look incredibly tacky to open it up on Facebook for whoever wants to come just so you can save a few bucks. And I certainly would not be pushing the wedding bank account for gifts. People attending your destination wedding IS their gift to you.
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on May 13, 2018 at 3:34 PM
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Well generally your guests would book their own rooms, which would’ve saved you all these issues. I’m not even really sure I’m understanding this right, did you book and prepay for everyone’s rooms? Regardless, that ship has sailed. Please do not open your wedding to additional guests on fb. And please please don’t ask people to help fund your wedding. That is not a good look. I think you’re going to have to just eat the extra costs.
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on May 13, 2018 at 3:36 PM
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One more thing - where does the $1100 come in? Are your guests expected to pay $1100 for lodging?
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Master May 2017
Mrs.Whooooo · on May 13, 2018 at 3:43 PM
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There’s a lot going on here.

Like PP’s said, usually with destination weddings people cover their own travel costs. DW’s are known to be more expensive, why chose that option if you have to take mortgage out on your house? And to expect them to book so you can save money, and ask them to give you even more as a gift seems pretty selfish to me.

either way, don’t b-list people. Take what you can and make it work.
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Super September 2019
Will & Tiara · on May 13, 2018 at 4:45 PM
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I think 3 months in advance is okay to invite others. Just be honest and tell your potential new guests (call before sending invite) that there was an emergency and 4 people can't show and you would absolutely love them to attend and "so sorry I didn't include you in the first run of invites, but you know how it is -- family has to come first." As far as your negative folks, send them to hel# and move on. You don't need to babysit grown adults who are behaving badly. Better off without them. Your new invitees will hopefully attend. If not, to fill in the space, see if your parents have a good friend or two they would like to invite.
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