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Savvy September 2020

Destination Wedding Dinner

Gnomi28, on May 28, 2020 at 8:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Hello! I need some advice. My fiance and I are having a destination wedding with about 30 people attending. We are having a reception back home with those 30 people, along with everyone else that can't make it to the wedding. We originally thought of just having everyone meet at a restaurant after the wedding and pay their own way, since we will be having an actual reception at a later date. The few family members who I have mentioned this to said it would be totally fine and that we don't have to pay for everyone to eat afterwards. However, reading some other forums on here and the Knot, people are saying that having guests pay for their own dinner after the wedding is very rude. So now I am tossed. I don't want to be considered rude, but my fiance and I can't really afford to pay for a dinner for everyone the day of the wedding, and then again for the reception. Is there another option we have? I have read about doing appetizers and cake, but then we'd need to rent a room somewhere to do that, and that can get expensive too. Any advice is much appreciated, but please be gentle lol.

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Latest activity by Kelsey, on May 28, 2020 at 9:51 PM

Savvy September 2020
Gnomi28 · on May 28, 2020 at 8:22 PM
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On a side note, we didn't "invite" 30 people. We invited about 10 of our immediate family members and once word got out, 20 other people invited themselves and we didn't know how to say no. Our venue can hold up to 30 people, so we had to cut it. Buying dinner for the 10 original people would be no problem, but for 30, that's a different story.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on May 28, 2020 at 8:26 PM
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Hi Naomi, one thought would be a cake and champagne mini-reception afterwards. Then you could meet up for dinner with everyone as planned. It is more affordable and if you are having an outdoor ceremony it can take place nearby. My fiancé and I are considering this because if our venue is still affected by COVID, we are actually not allowed to dine inside. We will do a short “cake and punch” reception as they call it. With wedding plans so crazy this year, no rules apply!! Hope this helps!! 🍰🍾🥂
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on May 28, 2020 at 8:43 PM
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Especially since it’s a destination wedding I would consider hosting (/paying) for some sort of reception. Maybe you could do a reception with light refreshments right after the ceremony and then make dinner plans and ask if your guests would like to join, implying this is a separate event that won’t be hosted. Not sure where you’re getting married but a hotel or event space should be able to accommodate this. It is extra money to spend but it could be cheaper than paying for a meal for everyone. Maybe price it out? Renting a space+refreshments vs ~$40 per dinner. If it’s a small and close group I don’t think you have to go over the top, especially when they know a full reception is to come, but it would be nice to provide a thank you for your loved ones that attended the ceremony.
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Beginner May 2022
Kalenga · on May 28, 2020 at 9:16 PM
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Lol that is the story of my life. I feel you on the additional guests being added.
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Dedicated June 2020
Kelsey · on May 28, 2020 at 9:51 PM
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This may not be helpful, but I feel for you! We are postponing our wedding by a couple of months, but still having a small ceremony with about 20 guests on our original date in June. At first my plan was to get a private room at a restaurant and have everyone pay for their meal (tell everyone we will be at a restaurant after the ceremony and they are free to join us), but with COVID that is not even possible. So we are getting catering from a nice, but inexpensive BBQ place. We are lucky because the ceremony/small reception will be at a family member's house, so that is free. I was going to get a sheet cake to save money, but decided to splurge on a wedding cake.
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