Destination plus ones

Destination weddings by definition are in an inconvenient location for everyone, including your guests and the families. They can be an imposition and a burden on loved ones, who will often sacrifice unreasonable amounts of time, vacation days and money to attend because it’s your special day.


Your mother is correct. The very least you can do in that case is allow a travel companion for every single guest and invite that person by name. Partners should always be invited by name regardless. Knowing others at the wedding is not a justification for asking people to take your idea of a vacation.
Bottom line, if you aren’t comfortable with having strangers to you there, then you probably shouldn’t have chosen a DW. It’s the very least you can do.

Honey, it sounds like you know your guests pretty well. Who, from your guest list, does your mother feels needs a "plus one"? Is your mother right? If she's not, explain that to her.


I'm having a destination wedding as well. I did provide my single guests with the "plus one" option. My one friend took me up on the offer as she plans on staying in the destination area a little longer and wants someone to travel with. With a group size of 50-60, will one or two people that you don't know amp up your anxieties? It's ok if the answer is Yes, I'm simply posing the question.
Ultimately this event is for you and your FH. Talk it over. Decide what is best for the two of you.

Lol that is not the definition of a destination wedding, so you can ignore all that.


Anyway, it sounds like you’ve invited everyone’s partners already (and as a named guest themselves, which is appropriate). So are you just talking about your single friends? Or are you also talking about any friends who have partners you haven’t met yet? If it’s the former, I don’t think you need to give plus ones to your single friends. It sounds like they know others at the wedding, and if they prefer to travel with others, they can always use this as an opportunity to go on vacation and have other friends travel with them and then they can just spend an evening at your wedding. And just be prepared for people to decline if they’re not comfortable with the travel situation, including traveling solo. If you do have any friends with partners you just haven’t met, then you should definitely still invite their partner as a named guest. I would not stress about there being a stranger in attendance. Even at 50 people, you’re going to be focused on your fiancé and the moment (and not even facing out to the audience), so you won’t even have a chance to be concerned about who the guy in row 5 sitting next to your college roommate is.

View Quoted Comment I’m thinking yes, because the length of the list is already giving me anxiety! I’ve already added many family members/family friends that my mother wished to be included. I don’t do well in large gatherings (but I still want my wedding haha). BUT 1-2 may not be as big a deal on day of as my brain will make it seem leading up to it (silly anxieties 🫠).


My mother’s only example is what if my sister wanted to bring a friend, would I not allow her to bring a friend? However, my sister is not actively dating and very reserved with her dating life so I doubt she’s dating by the time of the wedding (which I would make an exception for, splitting a couple is not my intention at all) but for my sister to just bring a friend at my wedding just seems unnecessary considering I’m not having a bridal party, just my sister as my maid of honor so she’ll be with me/helping out the entire 3 days. So I’m not even sure we’ll need any plus ones… my mom just wants me to keep the option open which is what I’m opposed to. I’m not *too* opposed if someone were to reach and discuss but I want to pre-eliminate the need if possible… like you said I’m thinking I know my guest pretty well, which was my hope for as intimate of a wedding as possible. 😅

View Quoted Comment To my knowledge I don’t think I have any single guest other than like my younger cousin haha. I’m fortunate to know all of our friends partners! My intent is not to separate any couples, if I’m mistaken in my invites I’ll definitely correct that! My concerns is more so for extra friends as complete strangers. But you made a realllly great point… I’m sure I’d barely notice the presence of one or two extras.

Well, then give your sister the option of bringing a friend to talk to/ dance with/ laugh with at your wedding. Plus, give her a nice gift for being your helper for 3 days. Being kind and thoughtful will refocus any anxieties.


If it was more than your sister, I'd say never assume your loved ones' relationships, friendships, and comfortability and so therefore provide plus 1s. This is a good measure of a responsible host.

So it sounds like your mom is really just worried about your sister. Is it possible that your sister didn’t want to ask you directly or just offhandedly mentioned to your mom that she wishes she could bring a friend? Since it’s just one person (and especially since she’s MOH so distinguishable from other single guests), I would let her bring someone. Or maybe your mom just thinks she would like to and if you ask your sister, she’s actually totally fine with going alone.

View Quoted Comment Well no my mom just wants me to invite any and everyone, childhood friends I don’t speak to anymore etc. or her old friends that new me when I was younger haha. I’m her first married child so she wants a big celebration! 🤣 I’m not opposed to my sister bringing a guest because I do trust her judgement!


I think I’m leaning towards no plus ones on the invite, and use discretion on an as needed/requested bases. I’m not even convinced I’ll have many guest asking for a plus one — but I don’t want it allowed on the invite so then every guest shows up with a plus one and then a 50 person guest list doubles in size 🤣 I’m also aware that may be an irrational fear haha!

View Quoted Comment I don’t think we have any single friends on the invite list, our friends are all in committed relationships so they’re SOs are already accounted for on the guest list.


Thank you for the last bit as well, it brought me back to reality with some of my irrational anxieties. Day of, I’ll likely be too excited and ready to celebrate to actually care who all is in attendance.

View Quoted Comment Good idea/advice on refocusing anxieties! I think that’s my biggest concern is just overstimulating myself so refocusing will help me control my own thoughts and actions that way everyone can enjoy themselves!

View Quoted Comment Other than your sister, who would need a +1 if you have no single friends on the list?


While you may not have put it exactly that way, yes it is. A destination wedding is defined as one that is not local to the couple or either of their families. A wedding that is not local is certainly less convenient for people to get to. My opinion on the nature of DWs aside, there’s not much to disagree on there.

View Quoted Comment My sister doesn’t need a plus one, she’s just an example my mom used in defense of plus ones. To my knowledge, I don’t think anyone would *need* a plus one. But to your point, maybe others would *like* one, which I’m seeing is more of a comfort thing especially when traveling, so it’s understandable.


Another example my mom used was my grandmother (accompanied by my grandpa ofc) wanting to bring one of her friends because she would give a nice gift and loves traveling and weddings. I don’t think that’s enough reason to extend a plus one considering neither my FH or I know her, I don’t like the idea of inviting guests with the idea they’ll give gifts. My mom’s argument is that people just love celebrating weddings, but my argument is that I would love to celebrate with the people closest to me.

View Quoted Comment Oh sorry, I TOTALLY forgot the part where everyone still lives in their hometown where their whole family and entire friend circle resides in a conveniently located metropolitan area that the few adventurous friends who temporarily left (because who actually moves away) can easily access, so having the wedding elsewhere is simply unthinkable.


Seriously, I don’t understand your need to respond to every single post on this website judging others for their choice of wedding location just because you don’t like it. This OP did not say she is trying to decide whether or not to have a destination wedding, she did not ask for people’s thoughts on them, she simply asked whether people think she should give her single guests plus ones. You implied that she was rudely burdening each of her guests and that “the least she can do” to make up for being such a rude host is let them bring a buddy. Just answer the question or move on if you don’t feel like helping.
OP, you are fine. If any of your guests cannot attend, whether it’s because of the distance, cost, discomfort traveling alone, etc. We haven’t had any guests so far who wanted to bring a travel buddy, but we’ve had several families opt to bring their in-laws with them so they can do a longer family vacation and the grandparents can stay with the kids while our friends attend the wedding (which isn’t even child free, but that’s what the parents opted to do). If any of your single guests are anxious about bringing a friend, you can deal with it on a case by case basis. All those extras that you haven’t spoken to in years that your mom wants to invite are unnecessary lol.

View Quoted Comment Yes!! I’m a military brat and my FH is active duty military so we don’t currently live near friends or family, and we’re from two opposite coasts of the country — so regardless it would be a destination. We chose Jamaica because the resort is all inclusive! If we decided something local to us or one of our hometowns then it would still be a destination for most guests and they’d need food, transportation & lodging. We thought this was a *little* less inconvenient for everyone.


Oh! I would understand the longer vacation! We are planning to move resorts the morning after the wedding for this reason, so guests can stay longer and enjoy themselves while we still enjoy our honeymoon. So if they bring guests for that reason that’s completely fine! I’d just want them to know that it couldn’t be for the wedding bc we will have some intimate moments, such as a family game night where his family can get to know mine.

A plus one is for truly single guests, and they are optional. All guests in relationships are invited as a couple with both names. It sounds like your mom is trying to have you give a plus one to those who are also in a relationship (such as grandma?). That has never been a custom, unless grandma and grandpa need an aid to help them in their travel. It would be nice to give your sister a plus one since she is single, but also technically not mandatory. I only had like 5 single guests, so I gave them all plus ones (local wedding), and honestly only 1 of them took it, and that was someone who didn’t know too many people, so she brought her sister.

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While normally that is true, multiple etiquette guides say that it is generous/considerate/obligatory depending on source to provide a +1 for all guests in a DW situation.

View Quoted Comment I’m finding that it’s only etiquette if someone doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding, a plus one would make them more comfortable. But in my case even my friends know my family, so it’s like one big family reunion!

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I've never heard this. A host should be even more accomodating if asking their loved ones to give more time (incl taking PTO) and spend $$ in travel costs. The reception is a thank-you to the guests for coming to witness the ceremony. Please don't make any travel companions sit in the hotel room in a spirit of exclusion.