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Destination Bachelorette Party Help

Belle, on February 2, 2019 at 5:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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Hi everyone, hoping for some guidance.

I'm the MOH for my best friend's wedding. There are two other bridesmaids, and a handful of other attendees that will likely be coming to the bachelorette party. The entire guest list lives across the country, and both the bachelorette party and the wedding are destination, per the bride's design/request.

My main focus is giving my BFF everything she wants and more, of course. However this is my first destination bachelorette, and I am unsure of what I am responsible for solely, what the other bridesmaids may chip in for, and what the other attendees may contribute. Keeping in mind we all will be traveling again for the wedding, I don't want to ask too much of anyone, or disappoint the bride. She has picked the location, and asked to be surprised, she wants me to plan and take care of everything else.

I had planned to cover her lodging costs, and was hoping some of the attendees might want to contribute to some drinks and food a night or two. If we are supposed to cover airfare, is it too much to ask the other bridesmaids to help me with that? We will also likely be doing some tours, museums, etc. that have ticket costs to cover. Does this sound normal? Not enough?

I appreciate anyone that has experience with destination bachelorettes offering some advice!

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7 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on February 4, 2019 at 1:49 PM

Devoted July 2021
shannon.sv · on February 2, 2019 at 6:01 PM
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I'm the bride and have been openly talking with my bridal party about my bachelorette. We planned on going away as well and I told them that I would totally cover my share (airfare/hotel/tickets), but they told me that they would take care of some of that. I think you should have a conversation with the biridal party and the bride to see what everyone is comfortable with paying!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 2, 2019 at 6:14 PM
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It sounds like your friend is really demanding a lot here. Are you comfortable paying for and planning a destination bachelorette? Just because it's what she wants, doesn't mean that you're responsible for giving it to her. Plan what you can afford. Getting married doesn't entitle you to an all expenses paid preplanned vacation.
If this is what you want, I would start by getting in touch with the other bridesmaids and letting them know the plan. Ask who else wants to participate and what their budget is as far as travel and lodging so that you can find something that works for everyone. Pick a date that everyone is available. I've found that typically an airbnb is cheaper than booking multiple hotel rooms.
Based on your budget and what others can contribute, decide what you can afford to pay for, for the bride. She should be prepared to pay for her own trip, so anything that you offer to cover is a bonus. If that means just the place you're staying in, great. If you can cover airfare, that's also great. Please don't feel like you have to pay for every single thing she does.
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Super May 2019
Megan · on February 2, 2019 at 6:39 PM
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For my friends bachelorette we traveled to Nashville (drove) and stayed in an Airbnb. We split that amongst everyone except the bride, so we all essentially split her way. I'm not really sure how it's "supposed" to work if you all are flying somewhere. I would say everyone pays their own way (if it's in their budget to go) and then maybe talk to see if you guys can split the bride's airfare/hotel??
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Devoted September 2019
Kimberly · on February 2, 2019 at 9:58 PM
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As I have seen with bachelorette parties and even bachelor parties.. typically lodging is split among the bridesmaids for the bride, but everything else is on her.. now if someone had the money and wanted to gift her by paying for her way into places and whatnot.. that's fine. But not expected.
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Super April 2019
Valerie · on February 2, 2019 at 11:30 PM
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My MOH offered to pay for my plane ticket and I flat out told her no. That is ridiculous. I'm doing a destination bachelorette because no matter what, at least 4 of the 6 people invited would have to travel by plane. We ended up going near one girl in the cheaper COL area so lodging and food/beverages will be lower. They are covering my hotel and stuff while we are there - though I have offered a million times to do so.
My FH has been to a ton of destination bachelor parties and the grooms plane ticket is always paid for by the groom.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 3, 2019 at 3:22 PM
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If the bride picked the destination, she should be paying her own airfare!!!

for the rest of expenses, I think it’s totally fair to have open conversations with the other girls, asking their idea of budgets etc, and I do think paying for the bride for tours and such is the right move. And all the girls paying a little extra into lodging expenses to cover the bride too is fairly normal. I’ve never heard for the MOH having to shoulder that whole expense on her own.

It is important to talk to the other girls though. The biggest bach- issues I’ve seen come up have been when the host plans everything and suddenly it’s like “okay you all owe me $xx for this and $xx for that and $xx in total”— in my mind, it’s never fair to demand money from everyone (I mean, I think it happens! And often! I just don’t think it’s super fair) but I do think it’s fair to have an open chat from the get go to establish what everyone is comfortable with!
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 4, 2019 at 1:49 PM
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For the ones I've been invited to (and mine), the bridesmaids all split the lodging for them & the bride. Then they usually buy a shirt for the weekend so everyone matches. They usually come with the expectation of paying for their own food or drinks. I'm flying to CA for mine and so is my fiance (different location & weekend) and we are both paying for our flights. To both of us, it was a little insane to expect our friends to pay for our lodging AND flight, especially since we both work full time and can afford it. I plan on paying for an entire dinner for my bridesmaids, but I haven't told them. I think my fiance is doing something similar, or paying for a round of drinks or something at least. If I were a MOH, I'd ask all the girls attending what they feel comfortable spending and go from there.
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