Destination bachelorette - how to decline?

No just let them know exactly what you said, that unfortunately it's out of your budget and as much as you would love to attend that you have expenses of your own that take priority.

You're definitely not out of line. It's just not something you can afford right now. I think you just have to be honest and say something along the lines of "I'm so sorry, but due to other commitments this year, I will not be able to afford the trip. I hope you all have a wonderful time and can't wait to celebrate at the wedding!"

Not at all. It’s rude for them to assume everyone would be able to afford a destination bachelorette!

No, it's not weird to decline. While the hope with a bachlorette is that everyone can make it, that just isn't always the case. One of my bridesmaid isn't going, but the weekend we are going is the only one my MOH and I have free at the same time. It sucks, but that is life as busy adults, I'm not mad and I'll just hang out with her another time.

Literally say what you said here. You have a crazy year and your budget is stretched thin. You don’t think you can swing that. Super legit

Its it $500-$600 split 6 ways? Or that is what they expect you to pay?

That is completely fine to decline and explain that is not financially doable right now. I would email whoever is doing the major planning separately and then speak to the bride individually as well. If you’re feeling bad about missing it then treat the bride to a special dinner before the wedding or something small instead. I have multiple bridesmaids that are missing my bachelorette party for that same reason and I completely understand.

It does not matter how much it costs, if it is too much, or you have too much on your schedule, it is fine to say, I cannot take a trip for a bachelorette party at this time, but have fun! Bach parties are a new thing, and usually just an evening out, until recent wedding shows have made them seem a big event. But you should not feel an obligation for any of the lesser parties associated with the wedding. And should not be embarrassed to say, you people have planned something too expensive, so I will not participate. People's expectations of what close friends should do and pay for has really spiraled up and out of control in the last few years. And at the same time, so many couples who ask people from out of area to be in their wedding, are not offering to pay for the cost of BM or GM travel and lodgings for the wedding ( especially destination weddings) as is traditionally done. This has made being in a wedding a burden, for many. Just say no , I cannot do it. Not a big deal.

It’s a shame that all of the bridesmaids financial situations were not considered when making the decision for the desolation party. To be honest, I think it’s a bit rude to not consider this, and make people feel awkward because they haven’t enough money to get involved. I plan to find o it’s a shame that all of the bridesmaids financial situations were not considered when making the decision for the desolation party. To be honest, I think it’s a bit rude to not consider this, and make people feel awkward because they haven’t enough money to get involved. I plan to do something that’s affordable for my bridesmaids, as I’m having to ceremonies (but just so many and symbolic ceremony on the beach in Jamaica with family). What’s more important is having that personal time with each of the women in my bridal party, more than having an event that stands out. Intimacy over flashiness any day!

It’s a shame that all of the bridesmaids financial situations were not considered when making the decision for the desolation party. To be honest, I think it’s a bit rude to not consider this, and make people feel awkward because they haven’t enough money to get involved.

I plan to do something that’s affordable for my bridesmaids, as I’m having to ceremonies (A Buddhist one and symbolic ceremony on the beach in Jamaica with family). So will have something more simple here in the UK, and then something small and intimate in Jamaica. What’s more important is having that personal time with each of the women in my bridal party, more than having an event that stands out. Intimacy over flashiness any day!

Yeah but how many people to a room and is that the price with flights? That seems high, maybe they picked a pricey place? I am looking into flight/hotel packages for our group bridal party trip to Vegas and we are from PA. It's around $400 they'd be paying each after WE pay a portion of their stay. I would not expect my guests to pay close to 1,000 while we're there then. I plan to pick a hotel with breakfast included. We are not doing shows. Will pick a hotel with a decent pool too so we don't have to pay that. We plan to do a club and ziplining and one group dinner. I am a bargain hunter so I am always looking for the most affordable options even dinner. Soooo I think you can easily decline. Idk why you were not consulted beforehand on options and pricing. We are going to be upfront with everyone AND if not everyone wants to participate in certain activities and just go site seeing I am fine with that.

Aside from the bachelorette issue, the couple should be offering to pay transportation and hotel for any out of town wedding party, as is traditional. But it sounds like they are shirking their responsibility if you are paying $1500 for hotel, transportation and your dress, hair and makeup. Why would you feel bad about not spending more on Bach party, when the couple is defaulting on their basic responsibility?

I didn't go to my sister's bach for the same reason. Her SIL planned it WITHOUT ME then sent out this email to everyone invited saying, "this is what we are doing. this is what you each owe." As girls started backing out because of cost, the cost for those still going obviously got higher. I was in the process of trying to make my budget work to still go when we got an email that said, "oh and also, we are going to wear neon wigs! Here's a link, you need to buy your wig from this brand so we all match!" One, eww. Two, the wigs were like $75 for some neon colored hair. Three, her bach was in NOLA, down Bourbon St, in June. No way in hell I was wearing a sweaty wig,

My sister found out that I declined and came at me with this pity party nonsense. However, she had no idea what the plans were. When I started telling her why I couldn't afford to go, she tried to get her SIL to change the plans. SIL said that she couldn't because things were already booked.

I didn't go. My sister told me afterwards that everyone had a miserable time because SIL had every minute planned out and got upset and testy when the girls wanted to divate. However, this was just a long-winded way of me saying, don't do something outside of your means just to please someone else. I still talk to my sister. She got over it. Your FSIL will get over it, or not. But at least you won't be struggling because of a weekend party.

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It's $500-600 each just for the hotel.

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It would be 6 people in a suite and the price is just for the hotel, nothing else included. Thank you for being thoughtful in your planning! It sounds like you're going to have a wonderful bachelorette

I've had to decline a destination bachelorette in the past and was honest with them that the money was just too much for me. I wasn't the only bridesmaid that had to decline for that reason. The other bridesmaid and I planned a much more low-key bachelorette with just us and the bride. It was perfect and true to our friendship! The only downside was feeling left out from the conversations, stories, and reminiscing that everyone else did with each other after the destination bachelorette (this was especially uncomfortable on the day of the wedding while we were all getting ready because the other bridesmaid and I felt very out of place with not being able to participate in those conversations). No shame in having to decline due to finances, though!

The bride should understand. I'm having a destination wedding and bachelorette just because I have moved around so much that my friends are literally all over the country. When I decided on bachelorette i told all my bridesmaid I would love for them all to make it, but I understood if for WHATEVER reason some could not and they would still be involved in all other wedding festivities etc. Just today, one of my bridesmaids that had initially agreed to come told me she can't make it and provided no explanation, and she doesnt need to. I'm sure they will understand and not be upset

I just recently had to decline my soon to be sister - in - laws bachelorette as it’s out of my budget as well. I felt horrible however wanted her to know before she really dove into planning and I screwed up pricing for everyone . I did offer to contribute to some of her portion of events such as drinks , maybe one event they are doing in town etc & will prob send something to the Airbnb for when she arrives .