Katy
Dedicated February 2019

Destination bachelorette anxiety help

Katy, on November 20, 2019 at 10:01 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
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So I’m in a dilemma, not as a bride but as a bridesmaid. I was recently married and now have the honor of being one of the bridesmaids at my BEST friend’s wedding. Unlike me ( I chose to stay local) she has been talking about going away for her bachelorette since the day she got engaged. Now the planning for it has finally come. Her MOH has informed us of expected expenses $550 flight & board(renting a home) a nice dinner $100.. a club night (TBD&dollarSmiley winking and a private yacht $300. All of this per person.
I want to be the same good bridesmaid my friend was for my wedding and participate in all things without issue but I feel like the $300 yacht is PUSHING it budget wise because we all know many other unmentioned expenses will arise.
What should I do? The other girls with the exception of 2 are her family and I’ve already seen them respond in agreement. I don’t want to disappoint my best friend by not participating but I also don’t want to have to charge up a card I’ve worked hard paying off. What would you do? 😩

14 Comments

  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber Online ·
    • Flag

    The bride and MOH should have consulted everyone about their budgets before planning such an extravagant trip. I definitely would not put yourself in a bad position financially just for this. You are NOT a bad friend for not being able to afford the trip, your friend is a bad friend for not considering everyone else's capabilities. I would just be honest and say that this is out of your price range and that you'll have to sit this one out unless they can reconsider the plans.

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  • Christine
    Expert September 2020
    Christine ·
    • Flag

    Yikes, private yacht is overkill in my opinion. Reach out to the MOH right away and say, "I'm really excited for [bride's] bachelorette party! Money is a little tight right now and I definitely can't afford $300 for a night on a private yacht if we're factoring in all of the other expenses for the party. Could we do something at the house instead that night?"

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  • Dierdra
    Dedicated November 2020
    Dierdra ·
    • Flag
    Personally I think it's a new fad to do these travelling bachelorette parties. My FH is having the same issue. His bill is up to 1000$ without the added drinks and food and it's frustrating (personal opinion) now they've informed us that they wanted to extend so he has to take 2 days off work. I'm sorry you're in this predicament!
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  • M
    Savvy October 2021
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    Despite some people's belief, the bach party should never be planned in a vacuum (by just the MOH or just the MOH and one bridesmaid, etc.) Everyone in the bridal party (and anyone else being invited) needs to have a say before anything is decided. I'd reach out the to MOH and tell her everyone should have been consulted and that you can't afford what she's planned out.

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  • J
    Devoted July 2020
    Jaime ·
    • Flag

    Frankly, this is just an obscene amount of money to spend on a bachelorette. I would be embarrassed to have my dear friends to fork over that much money for a bachelorette. Does the bride realize how much this is costing? Is it a case of the MOH going overboard without the brides knowledge? The others could possibly afford it, or are just going along and saying yes because it is extremely uncomfortable to have to say you cannot afford something. I would bring it up with the MOH and let her know that this is not in your budget. Others might be happy you spoke up.

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  • Emily
    Expert April 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else here, every bridesmaid should've been consulted privately on budget before any decisions were made. I wouldn't put yourself in debt for a weekend because you know it'll be a lot more than what's quoted especially when it comes to drinks etc... I would speak up to the MOH and be honest about your budget. It's possible the other two BMs who have spoken up already did so because they felt like they had to and might be in the same predicament you are.

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    You just need to tell them that you can’t spend that kind of money. Let them know that they’re welcome to go without you, but your budget absolutely will not allow for that type of expense. If you have some other ideas you can suggest them too. I’ve found that most of the time when things this pricey get thrown out there, it’s usually driven by one person and you’re not the only one who feels it’s way too much money. I wouldn’t be surprised if after you put your foot down, others do as well.
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  • Alejandra
    Expert November 2020
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    Wow, that is an insane amount! It would not make you a bad friend for bridesmaid to speak up for your budget. They are expecting a lot. They should have asked you what you were okay with spending.
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  • Catherine
    Super November 2019
    Catherine Online ·
    • Flag

    Do NOT put yourself in a bad financial position for this. I would talk to the MOH and tell her that might be overstepping boundaries for others.. family or not. the bride is your best friend, she should understand if you can't afford it financially. she would want what is best for you i hope!

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  • Hannah
    VIP July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I think asking people to pay upwards of $1000 on a bachelorette party is ridiculous. Honestly, if the bride doesn't understand why people can't just fork over that kind of money (unless you happen to be Jeff Bezos), then she needs a reality check.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD Online ·
    • Flag

    If you can't afford it, don't go & don't feel bad. It's totally fine! 3 of my bridesmaids couldn't afford to go to my destination bachelorette and I was 100% okay with it, and had my bridal shower near them so they could attend that (for free since my mother hosted).

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  • Anna
    Expert August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    If you can't afford it I would back out. My bachelorette is in Vegas (I am in Canada) and i fully expected many people wouldn't be able to come. I made it clear that I wouldn't be upset with anyone if they said no as I completely understood it's a pretty extravagant trip. I invited 13 and there will be 6 of us going. No hard feelings against my bridesmaids/friends who declined.


    I just want to add: a lot of responses are suggesting it's pretty rude for a bride to have an extravagant bachelorette. I disagree. I just think they need to be OK with lots of declines.... but if the bride has the time/money to travel and that's how she wants to spend her party then I also don't think she should be judged for that... or have to downscale the bachelorette to accommodate everyone.

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  • M
    Savvy October 2021
    Megan ·
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    But brides shouldn't throw their own bachelorette party... that's etiquette 101. If someone offers to throw you a bachelorette (often a bridesmaid or MOH) and asks for suggestions from the bride, that's one thing, but as a bride, deciding on a bach party of any kind and informing bridesmaids of the plan is rude.

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  • Anna
    Expert August 2020
    Anna ·
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    That's fair- totally agree. I should have worded it differently: If whoever is planning the Bach consults with the bride and they decide to do a destination party then I don't see anything wrong with that. My MOH asked me If I'd be down for Vegas, I said yes, and then she planned it. My point still stands: if that's what people want to do then have at it.

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