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Devoted October 2020

Desperate

Ashley, on August 15, 2019 at 9:32 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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Venting post.... I got engaged on Christmas 2018. We had already been discussing marriage, so while it was a surprise, I knew it was coming. My FH and I have been together for almost 4 years. We are very happy! We met in college over 10 years ago. We reconnected back in 2015 and decided to date and have been together since. The problems didn't come until after he proposed. And, the problem is not with my FH or his family, it's with my family! They have been sooo unsupportive during this time. First, my FH and I wanted an all inclusive venue so that we wouldn't have to deal with all these different vendors. We found one for around $10k. It wasn't bad! Once my parents found out, they hit the roof! They don't believe in spending lots of money for a wedding. My dad even threatened to not come to the wedding if I spent too much. Mind you, we are paying, not them. We managed to find a venue that everyone agreed on, but it is not all inclusive. Whatever, I have worked on other weddings before, I can plan my own. Anyway, fast forward, I feel alone. My best friend of 6 years ghosted me last month with no explanation. I have 8 other BMs, but they are all so busy with their own lives. My family doesn't even like when I bring up the wedding. I am just now prepared to make a down payment for my wedding dress and no one wants to come to my appointment with me. The biggest issue of all is finances. My FH and I live together. We do ok with Bill's and splurging here and there, but a wedding is soooo expensive! Even with me cutting deals with catering and photography, we still are at about $13k. FH agreed to get a second job, but our wedding is less than 8 months away and he still hasn't gotten one. I have tried to cancel this wedding COUNTLESS times, but my FH gets soooo disappointed when I try, I don't want to hurt him. This wedding has not brought me anything but grief, loneliness, and frustration.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on August 16, 2019 at 8:10 AM

Master June 2019
Danielle · on August 15, 2019 at 9:41 AM
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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Wedding planning can really be lonely for brides, especially when reality doesn't match up with expectations. I think that is ridiculous of your parents to react in that way. Since you and your FH are self sufficient, and they aren't paying, they really have no right. I know that my mom gave that big wide mouthed shocked face every time I told her how much something was (and we are self sufficient and paid for everything too). I just had to roll my eyes and let it go. We don't have a lot of money, and we spent roughly $13,000 on our wedding too. Honestly, that is a pretty standard amount for budget brides. Although, it does sound like y'all might of over extended what you can actually afford? In that case, it might be worth re-evaluating the wedding plan. I am not saying cancel by no means, but have a different type of wedding: small guest list, free venue, up & coming vendors, etc. There are ways to cut costs, and still have a nice wedding. Anyways, I hope things look up for you, good luck!
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Devoted October 2020
Ashley · on August 15, 2019 at 9:47 AM
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Thank you! I wanted to have a small wedding in the park and have a sit down reception at a local restaurant for immediate family only (around 30 people) but he does not want to do it. Hopefully, things turn around.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 15, 2019 at 10:48 AM
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Aw I'm sorry it doesn't feel like you're getting support from those closest to you. Weddings cost a lot. My parents were the opposite - they thought we were being too cheap aha. They felt it would reflect badly on them if we planned too economical of a wedding rather than it appearing luxurious so that it saves face. So I can understand how frustrating families can be. Anyway, with wedding costs everything just costs so much and for no darn good reason aha so cut costs by simplifying things. For instance, don't do favors, keep your centerpieces at a minimal maybe even just a mason jar and a candle or something.
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
Sinéad · on August 16, 2019 at 7:42 AM
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Hey Ashley! I’m so sorry that you are feeling unsupported by your family.
To me, it seems that if you are paying for your entire wedding by yourselves, it was not your family's place to dictate how you should spend your money.
As you know, weddings are expensive so it’s important that you and your FH are on the same page with how far your budget can stretch.
Have you set your guest list in stone yet? As you can imagine, having a smaller guest list is the number one way to keep the cost of your wedding down. You may need to compromise with your FH here if you genuinely feel that you cannot afford the big wedding that he wants.
What have you already booked for your wedding?
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Devoted October 2020
Ashley · on August 16, 2019 at 8:10 AM
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I am hopeful for the future. So far, we have booked our venue and photographer. I have a few pieces of custom decor ( gift box, table numbers) we are doing our engagement photoshoot on Sunday and ordering my FH tux tomorrow. Its moving, albeit slow. Hopefully, I am ordering my dress next week.
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