Desperate! Bridesmaid/family advice

Are you close to your brother? I guess my first piece of advice would be to reach out to him and make sure he’s ok. Don’t bring your wedding up at all. Just be there for him. Even if their divorce is super amicable, it’s still a really hard thing to get divorced, especially when you have to then share custody of your children.

I agree with Sarah. I would talk to your brother and see how he's doing. Later you can ask him if he would prefer if your sister-in-law was not in the wedding, but definitely not now. Hopefully there are as little hard feelings as possible in a situation like this, but I would just look after your brother right now and respect his wishes on the subject if at all possible.

I agree with the other ladies. How far away is your wedding because if it's not soon then you have time to figure all that out. As for right now just make sure that he is okay but at some point when everything is not fresh then maybe you could talk to him about that. In my opinion if your wedding is still months away then I would not stress about that right now as what they are both going through is a huge issue. Not trying to take away Shine from your wedding as that is also big butt I think I may need to take a seat on the back burner in regards to the bridal party. I will say either way if things are not cool with them she is giving herself and out so if you did need to remove her she would not cause a problem so basically it would just be up to you to decide if you want to keep her or not depending on how things are.

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Oh I'm definitely going to reach out to my brother. We're close but not CLOSE. Our other brothers live in different states than us so it's just the 2 of us for family stuff and we do hang out and talk but it's not like an every day or even every week thing. But when we do hang out or text it's always fun and great times.

I asked my SIL to talk in person cause that's a lot to process through a text message. I figured I could talk to her and let her know my decision is on hold while I think it all over.

The wedding is February 24th so I have time of course but I don't want her to have to keep searching for shoes and buying stuff for the wedding if my brother says he doesn't want her there. So I guess I wait and defer to what he decides? I'm also starting to send out invites this week so now I'm holding off on theirs I guess? Man this is all really emotional and confusing.

View Quoted Comment Maybe others would disagree but like you said she is the mother of your niece and nephew. It is not as if they were just dating and broke up it sounds to me like she's been involved in the family for a while now. Ask other bridesmaids or friends what they think but you could hold off on sending her invitation but at the end of the day she knows when the wedding is but even if she's not a bridesmaid you could maybe have her attend as a guest. Although on her end it might be awkward for her. Invitations are nice but to me I feel like they know when the wedding is so if you hold off on giving them their invitation or at least hers I don't think it would be a big to-do.

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Yeah that makes sense. She knows so the invite is just a formality in her case. But I can always do the invite later, depending on decisions of course. Thank you for the advice! Really helped talking it out.

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No problem. Hope everything works out.

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Oh I'm definitely going to reach out to my brother. We're close but not CLOSE. Our other brothers live in different states than us so it's just the 2 of us for family stuff and we do hang out and talk but it's not like an every day or even every week thing. But when we do hang out or text it's always fun and great times.

I asked my SIL to talk in person cause that's a lot to process through a text message. I figured I could talk to her and let her know my decision is on hold while I think it all over.

Thank you for the advice. You and the other girls definitely did help to slow me down and figure out what to do next.

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Oh I'm definitely going to reach out to my brother. I'll bring it up but not force anything and talk to him about the wedding whenever he feels the time is right to talk about it. Since it's soon I do need to know but I have a little bit of wiggle room so I'm not stressed about it now.

I asked my SIL to talk in person cause that's a lot to process through a text message. I figured I could talk to her and let her know my decision is on hold while I think it all over.

Thank you for the advice. You and the other girls definitely did help to slow me down and figure out what to do next.

I would reach out to your brother to make sure he is okay and talk to him about what the best step is.

Definitely talk to your brother to see how he's doing. Then when things settle down and him how he feels about it.

You raised the issue in your post, of not knowing who else in the family would be offended or upset if she were to stay in the WP . Do talk with your brother, and your sister in law. Then make your decision based on how they feel, and how you feel. No one else has any standing. In this matter, it does not matter how other people feel. If folks are offended, that is their problem, not yours. Someone feels to offended to be in the presence of someone did orci g, they can stay away. It is not up to others to pass judgement on any other guest, or on your wedding party. If Bro and SIL are not happy, but not becoming enemies, and want to set an example for their children, that though they do not wish to be married still, they will always be civil to one another , and never play tug of war with the kids, then that is important. If the message is that right now, bro and SIL are too emotional to be together, but down the road, they will get on, that is okay too. But you are right that your niece and nephew matter very much in this. And whichever way your brother wants it, only they ( bro, sil, kids) matter. Just cut off anyone enraged on someone else's behalf, or who finds any divorce an issue, before a discussion starts. " I don't want to discuss this with you. It is not your issue .". We had one familial divorce that affected a big family occasion, and another in my hubby's family near a wedding and a different family Christening. And it was ridiculous, other people making it their issue, like they are the center of the universe. No. Your brother's family, and you, ate the only ones in tis. Everyone else can get over themselves. You are planning to go about this as a compassionate sister and aunt. The best thing .

Definitely talk to him first! And take a few weeks to decide once everything calms down.