Depression, anxiety, and what-ifs

Sometimes it helps me to flip the script on myself. When I start worrying for a long time about things that could go wrong, I try and imagine what would happen if things all go smoothly. And then sometimes I can see what to do to help it turn out that way.

Also, conscious breathing always helps me. Just pause, try to look at things objectively, and just breathe.

And, if nothing else helps, sometimes a good cry and something sweet can help.

It's awesome that you are going to marry someone supportive. I wish you the best.

It really helped me to read the Power of Now, it’s also on audiobook. It’s about living in the present. It helped me get through one of the most difficult times of my life.

I’ve found it helps me quite a bit to be completely open with my FH when I’m anxious or depressed. Then I feel less anxious about trying to hide the depression from him, and he says he feels better knowing I’m in a rough place and it’s not his fault if I snap at him or seem down. When I’m depressed it’s hard to see a way out of it, so I explained to him a long time ago (when I felt great and could actually express it logically) what happens when I’m anxious and/or depressed and some ways to help me when it happens (i.e. NOT telling me to stop worrying - that absolutely does not work, hugging me, or taking me to the store to get one quick thing even if we don’t need it - it’s my weird anxiety thing that I need to do to realize leaving the house isn’t so scary). He still doesn’t fully understand it because he’s never been through it, but it makes me feel super loved that he tries to help and that helps pull me out of it a little.

Anyway, it sounds a bit like your anxious that the depression won’t go away by your wedding day. May is quite a ways away. I completely understand it’s hard to see it now, but it will get better! You will likely have a new job by then, and you and FH will have healed from the fight. I agree with Cadence that it might help to imagine everything working out that way, and then working to make it happen.

Also, I’m guessing you feel you have to stay at your current job for financial reasons, but if it’s causing you health issues it’s not worth it to stay!

Thank you 💕 this helped

View Quoted Comment This is great advice. I appreciate it 💕

View Quoted Comment I will definitely check it out, thank you 💕

The more we try to control our anxiety, the tighter a grip it has on us! You are allowed to feel whatever emotion comes up, even on your wedding day! Just think of your what if’s and anxiety as background noise on a radio, you don’t have to pay it much attention, even if you can’t turn it off. Our brain will always come up with terrifying what if scenarios, it’s just what brains do- they come up with stories! And if those stories are not helpful to us and our goals or values, then you don’t have to pay them any mind.

I would highly recommend reading The Happiness Trap, it really helped change my life after being horribly crippled with severe anxiety and OCD.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with the background noise thing! My best friend told me a similar really helpful analogy that her therapist used, of thinking of your anxiety like an annoying backseat driver... you hear it, you acknowledge it, and then you move on and don’t listen to what it’s telling you. That has been really helpful to me!

Also agreed that telling your brain to NOT do something will cause it to just do that thing more. If you tell your brain “don’t think about zebras” I bet you’re thinking about zebras now, right? Instead, replace negative affirmations with positive ones. Like instead of telling yourself “don’t allow my anxiety to ruin my wedding,” instead tell yourself “I am calm on my wedding day.” The way you speak to yourself in your own head can make a huge difference. It will take a long time to think like this automatically, but in the mean time try to work on flipping negative thoughts. If you tell yourself something enough, your brain will eventually believe it.

I have anxiety and depression and I frequently imagine worst case scenarios. I've found that exercising 4-5 times per week helps tremendously. When I'm particularly anxious or sad I tell myself "I am safe", and that helps too. It's hard to just stop when you're used to thinking a certain way. I recently started taking Prozac to see if it could help me with the "what ifs", jury's still out. Sending love your way!

I’ve been really stressed about my wedding and I’ve been digging around on wedding wire for advice. This thread is super old but I just want to say thank you to the advice that’s posted on here. It really helps.

I have been in you position job wise.
once you leave the job your life will improve so much. I took a job thinking it was perfect I was miserable for 6 months finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. It was not very rational as i was a single mom with 3 kids but it was so much better for my health and family. I contacted the department of labor and was able to get unemployment due to the working conditions. It turns out others who had worked there before me had filed complaints.

Look i I know every situation is different but for me it was the best thing I could do. I was physically sick from the stress of going to work every day. My own kids would pray I got a new job because I was so unhappy and depressed.

Good luck i hope hope you find something soon.

Work stress is the worst stress ever since we spend so much time there.