Cassie
Just Said Yes June 2020

Depressed “she was suppose to be in my wedding”

Cassie , on November 12, 2019 at 9:44 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
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Sidenote* I have terrible anxiety and depression... So in high school I pushed my best friend away. We had our future weddings all planned out and always planned to be in each other’s. Having depression so bad every day I seen her I started to ignore her more and more; not because of her but because of my own struggle. After getting help I realized I had lost someone so important to me but it was too late. A year after I tried to make up but she said we could never go back to how we were. That completely shut me down. Fast forward to now We’re both getting married at the same venue a month apart. Mine in June and hers in July. We don’t take anymore just say hi in public. I am so happy and happy for her too, but every time I see her around town or on Facebook I can’t help but get so depressed because she was suppose to be the one in my wedding standing by my side! I see her all the time, How do I get past this?!

8 Comments

Latest activity by Jo, on November 13, 2019 at 11:55 AM
  • Danielle
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    If she's in good spirits and she was really your friend I'd speak to her. I'd really tell her I messed up our friendship and why that happened. Afterwards tell her how happy you are for her. Leave it at that
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  • Kasyah
    Devoted July 2020
    Kasyah ·
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    Have you tried reaching out and talking to her here lately? I would maybe suggest that. Hit her up on FB- tell her congrats and you're so happy she's getting married. See if y'all can meet up for drinks? Maybe she just said that in the heat of the moment. Ya never know what could happen.
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  • Shelby
    Expert November 2020
    Shelby ·
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    I agree with PP’s, if you think the relationship can be mended reach out to her 😊 maybe this season of life will really show a reflection that you both have changed.
    Good luck! 🍀
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  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    I'm sorry Cassie, that's so hard. Have you reached out to try to talk to her about the place you were in emotionally at the time, to try to give some context to her? If you pushed her away she may be feeling that she needs to keep her distance to respect your wishes and may not know you miss having her in your life. I've been on the other side of that situation, a friend pushed me away when she was struggling with a difficult family situation. It was only months and months later that she told me she was mad at me for not trying harder to force my way back into her life - I had thought I was respecting what she was asking for and being the best friend I could be, even though I missed her. If she had told me what she wanted from me I would have been so appreciative and willing to help.

    How is your anxiety and depression being managed now? Are you seeing a doctor and/or therapist to help you manage things? Would you like some resources? Most important to me is making sure you're safe and happy, and secondarily a therapist may be able to help you find language to use if your friend will hear you out that may help her understand your past history together.

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Unfortunately this is part of growing up. Friendships don’t always last forever, and sometimes it may not be what we want but is what we need. It’s always sad when things don’t work out how we planned, but don’t focus on what could have been. Look at all the progress you’ve made and where you are right now. You did it all without her around.

    It sounds like it’s been years since you were friends with this girl, and while I totally get why you want to reconnect, remember that she may have changed also and is probably not the same girl you were friends with before. If you want to reach out to her I wouldn’t do it with the intent of jumping back into being besties. Do it for the right reasons, not because you want the wedding you envisioned as a child. You are no longer that person. You are now a young woman who has taken control of her mental health and her happiness. Enjoy all the changes that that gives you, and continue on to find new experiences and people in a life you hadn’t been able to consider in the past.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    I think you should talk to a professional about this. Counselors and therapists really do help you take it one day at a time. I think you could also reach out to her and tell her you want to rekindle your friendship, even if it is different from before. Keep in mind, she may not want to, and that is valid. I have been in her shoes before and a friend with mental health issues completely cut me out. While I may know what is going on, I am not willing to go through any of that again. It triggered many of my own issues and it’s very hard to be open to being friends ever again.
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  • Cassie
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Cassie ·
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    Thank you. So yes she knows everything I went through and I made it clear afterwards I wanted to be her friend but she said we couldn’t go back to how we used to be. I am on medication and doing counseling for my anxiety and depression and am still feeling this way every time I see her.
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  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear that she isn't ready for a friendship right now. It was brave of you to reach out to her and start that dialogue. I hope in time she comes back into your life Smiley heart

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