Demoting maid of honor to bridesmaid?

Unless you're willing to harm this friendship, or potentially end it, I wouldn't bother "demoting" her. At this point the wedding is 11 days away and she has been referred to as your MOH through the entire planning process. Assuming she is listed as your MOH on anything that you have with the wedding party on it (website, programs, etc) it would be more of a hassle than it seems to be worth. Her only job as your MOH is to show up on the wedding day and stand next to you at the altar. There's no polite way to tell her that she was good enough to be your MOH when you chose your bridal party, but now that she hasn't met your expectations she is being demoted to BM less than 2 weeks before the wedding.

You MOH's only role is to buy the dress and show up at the wedding. If you demote her, you will cause problems and possibly destroy this friendship. If she's acting distant and weird, it could be that she is trying to end this friendship herself, or she could be going through something in her personal life. I think the best course of action would be to have an honest, open discussion with her about how you both feel (without mentioning your wedding).

You have less than two weeks.. will the title she has really matter at this point? This is not a "job", so you cannot "demote" her without loosing the relationship in the process.

I wouldn't bother changing her title at this point, it'll only make things more complicated.

Have you thought about asking your sister to be your MOH anyway? You can have more than one MOH.

I would just let it go, rather than rock the boat so close to your wedding. It’s not the solely the MOH’s responsibility to host, plan, and book a bachelorette party. If they want to take on that task, great, but I’ve always seen friends and other BMs helping. Planning a trip for 14 girls (you, her, and the 12 other girls) can be exhausting. Perhaps, it was too hard for her and she felt like no one was helping her. Did any of the other 12 girls offer any assistance in the beginning stages when she probably needed help? Or did they just not say anything and wait to take over? Literally, the only thing demoting her from MOH to BM is going to say is, “I am upset with you because of my bachelorette party and I see this as a punishment.”

Also, for the record, I feel like someone’s friends always act odd at bachelorette parties. I see a PP mentioned her friends acted odd too. My friend invited two guys only she knew to my bachelorette party and told everyone they just happened to be at the bar. We knew it was a lie because a) another friend knew and told me and my MOH and b) the two guys lived over an hour away from where we were. On the second night, a third of the group was hours late meeting up at a prepaid table because there were lots of cute, single guys at their pre-game bar. So, you’re not alone that something happened at your bachelorette with one of your friends.

You said she started off "super strong" a year ago. She's probably tired of dealing with and hearing about the wedding. I don't know why someone would be willing to throw away what appears to have been a good friendship over a completely unnecessary bachelorette. That's what you will be doing if you "demote" her.

What if she acts like what on your wedding day? I understand why you’re upset. It does suck that she invited another friend to your bachelorette. And if she couldn’t/didn’t want to host your bachelorette, she should have told them earlier she couldn’t get it done so they could have taken over in the beginning. I’m not sure what you’re worried about on your wedding day. All she needs to do is show up in her dress and stand by you during the ceremony. She shouldn’t have anything else to do, except maybe make it to hair and makeup on time. Are you worried she’s going to hang out and dance and spend time with other friends or her date? If that’s the case, that’s what she’s supposed to do. No bride hangs out just with their MOH for the entire cocktail hour and ceremony and reception. You will both be socializing with so many people different people and friends and you specifically wil be so busy greeting and thanking everyone for coming, you might not interact with her much.

I disagree with everyone above. I understand wanting to avoid conflict since that might be easier short-term, but having someone as a maid of honor is more than just showing up and buying a dress. Saying yes to that role means that person will be there to support the bride 100%...that person gets a higher honor than the rest of the bridal party (along with best man) because she is expected to step up and contribute/coordinate with the bride more than the rest of the group. For her to not only not show support for the couple, but to also upset the rest of the group by being distant and not helping out, PLUS stressing the bride, means she doesn't deserve the role of MOH. I might be bias since I'm in a similar situation and am currently thinking of demoting my MOH to a bridesmaid, but at the end of the day nobody should have any regrets after their own wedding, period. It might sound mean, but the wedding is about the couple and what the couple wants for their special event, nobody else. We are adults and should be able to understand when a friend feels the need to make adjustments or set boundaries, especially after causing hurt and letting the bride/friend down. Hopefully it can be worked out because the friendship shouldn't need to end over this if it's handled respectfully.

The honour of the MOH role is given to the closest person to one member of the wedding couple. It's for you to honour them, not the other way around. The MOH role doesn't come with any specific duties. It's not given to the one who helps the most, or shows the most enthusiasm.

The source of any conflict would be your expectations not matching up with reality. If you "demote" your MOH, you will end the friendship. If that's something you're OK with then feel free. Your expectations are out of line though.

Also this thread is from 2018.