demoting a bridesmaid?

I just got rid of my MOH. She disappeared after just a few months of having the honor lol. No invites to anything, no talking, nothing. I simply feel that if she can't be there to support me for the biggest day of my life then I don't want associated with her

I would schedule a lunch/dinner date to sit down and talk to her face to face. Tell her how you're feeling and see if her heart is really in it. From what I've read if you demote or remove her she'll probably stop being your friend. Try talking to her first. Also try to remember that no one but you thinks your wedding is so important. I had to learn this the hard way, but you get over it..that's life! If you search through threads you'll find lots of BM drama that will probably make you feel better!

Well for one you probably picked your BMs a bit too early. And also, it's your wedding, so you shouldnt have let someone else "elect" her into the WP. You also need to understand, everyone else has their own lives outside of our wedding planning. It's OUR wedding, not theirs so really we cant expect people to care every second. Your wedding isnt until next June, you've got time to really work out kinks of things like BM dresses.

Have a serious conversation with her, inform her that if she really wants to be BM, she needs to be helpful & supportive of your decisions. If she cant do that, and your friendship isnt so great that you already think you wont be hardcore stuck like glue, then denote her. Just know, if you do that, you're risking losing any kind of friendship with her.

If you are willing to ruin a friendship then demote her...otherwise don't let her get to you. If she is a crappy BM then so be it. That doesn't necessarily make her a crappy friend. And there is no rule that says your wedding parties need to be even.

It's really not so much about how much work she's putting in. I know that she's busy and I respect that. It just comes down to her general attitude towards me lately and our lack of connection. Again, I was put in a really weird spot when my friend elected her right in front of me. I didn't know what to say in that moment. in retrospect, I would have said that I hadn't thought about it yet and she said yes before I even opened my mouth. I'm really not a bridezilla. I'm not trying to start drama. I just really feel it in my heart that she doesn't belong there and I don't know how to approach it gently and respectfully.

Thanks ladies!

I would talk to her and ask her how she's feeling. Say something like "I want to just touch base with you and see how you're feeling with the wedding. I know you have a lot going on and I just am getting a feeling that you'd maybe rather be a guest. It's totally cool and I completely understand if you'd rather just come celebrate rather than be in the bridal party. But, if you're on board and I'm just being an overanalytical bridezilla, then I would love to have you share the day with me."

I always try a little self-deprication....seems to help lighten the heavy mood.

@Nafina,

If you think I've chosen my bm's too early that's fine but I don't. I'm 100% positive about every other girl but her. I am making and doing every single thing for this wedding myself so I'm starting early. that way I'm not pulling my hair out 2 months before the wedding.

You didnt pick them out too early. And if you really feel strongly about as it seems demote her. Maybe, I know you're busy and since I dont want to overload you with the bridesmaids responsibilities you can be part of my day another way. If she has an attitude and is not someone you arent close with I'd say cut it now bc drama might follow later. Also talk to the one who elected her in a joking way about putting you on the spot if that was one of your childhood friends or family they would understand and maybe help a bit

Too early? not at all.

demote...hmmm. maybe find another role for her and explain it in terms of an honor and great assistance to you.

especially nice is your tactics of respect and grace

pluk how it goes!

I think Lauren's advice was spot on. St down and have a talk with her. Maybe she has something going on that you don't know about, and she will be glad to bow out of your wedding. At least if you take Lauren's approach it won't seem so much like she is being fired and maybe you can keep the friendship, even if you loose the bridesmaid.

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You would make this soon to be mrs laudie very happy (and the rest of us too!)