Demote the Moh?

If you demote her there is the likelihood that it will ruin the friendship. I don't think you should demote her just because she isn't the greatest at communication. Your bridesmaids and MOHs should be your closest friends, not the ones who respond the most. I would leave it how it is so the friendship isn't ruined.

Have you directly asked all three of your friends to be MOH's or is that just the assumption between them since you're so close? If you've already asked Andie to be your MOH, I wouldn't demote her to a bridesmaids just because she hasn't been involved in planning, that's not really the job of the bridal party. It would also cause hurt feelings and possibly a damaged relationship. If you haven't asked any of them, then you can definitely just have Lilly as MOH and Reuben as your man of honor, while Andie is a bridesmaid.

There is no way to demote someone in your wedding without hurting their feelings. You risk losing their friendship altogether if you do that, and rightly so. You knew about her ghosting tendencies before you asked. Also, she is not required to do anything to help, and if you had those expectations you should have told her that before she accepted. If you want to change anything, I would leave the two girls as MOH and just have the one who is helping more be first in line.

Hey!

So I had a similar situation happen. It was stressing me more and more. Causing serious issues between my Matron of Honor and My Maid of honor. It was also incredibly hard to get ahold of my Maid of Honor, nobody was answering me about anything. I did eventually demote my Maid of Honor.

And if I am being honest, it was a mess.

My maid of honor was very upset and I had a break down and honestly just decided to pack up my stuff and go camping for a week with my fiancé without my phone to get away from it all.

It has been awhile since then and I honestly can say it has seriously changed my friendship with my former Maid of Honor, but I do not regret it. (This is where most people would probably think I am crazy)

It has caused me less worry and stress to have it this way.

In the end go with your gut.

If you demote her, I'd plan on the friendship being over. I've never heard of a MOH doing more than bachelorette party & getting ready with the bride. It's a lot to expect someone to be able to text back all the time about wedding stuff when they have a full time job/family/kids/home/etc., help with planning or things like that.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It sounds from your post that your expectations regarding contact are quite high. I wouldn't call someone at their work unless it was an absolute emergency (and wedding planning is never an emergency).


I think it will end or severely damage the friendship if you demote her.

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I didn't call my MOH about the wedding one. She planned the bachelorette with some help from me and the other bridesmaids, she flew to my bridal shower (but my mom planned & hosted the entire event), and she bought her dress & came out for the wedding. It's a lot to involve bridal party in planning, I've never heard of that happening.

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I think that might actually work? I worry she'll think she's being slighted but the way the seating works it'd help because lilly would be closer to my brother and my niece.

View Quoted Comment Sorry, my first statement was regarding your post (I agreed with it). The rest was on response to OP. Unfortunately it was structured very well and it appeared as though it was all in response to you. Sorry about that!

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I call her to literately check in. It's never been about wedding stuff. I call when I haven't heard from her in three months and she's not replying. Honestly it feels like the ghosting has started happening stronger and more frequently since I switched charities to work with. I went from donating my time with Relay for life to the USO.

As the "gay" brides maid recently, and watching the MOH asking to demote herself and all the fall out. I have this insight. I lived 3 states away and was often out of the loop, bbuuuuut. the actual wedding day, I found the missing brides maid (literally 2 minutes before the ceremony she still wasn't anywhere to be found), I wrangled all of the groomsmen to the ceremony (they were taking shots and only half dressed. I also babysat the super drunk friend from college. There are other things that can be done which are not "girly" I also saw all of the drama go down between the bride and MOH. THe root of the issue is that the bride had much higher expectations than any of us imagined. She wanted al of us to be a part of everything and it was just too much commitment for the MOH. She couldnt' afford to fly to 2 different destinations for parties, plus pay for the dress and take time off of work to go to dress fittings, etc. I think if the bride had been more communicative about what she expected from each person, we could have discussed it and negotiated what we could and couldn't do. In your scenario,it might be good to just sit them all down and explain the 3 roles that you need, what you envision each one doing and then asking them if they're all good with it, or if anyone needs to make adjustments. It might be that your MoH simply doesn't want the responsibility and would be happy to step down to save the friendship.

Is there a way that you can promote rather than demote? I have 3 best friends...one I’ve known since I was 4, so she was my definite absolute has to be MOH, but I also have 2 other friends that I cherish a lot and I knew they’d be really valuable and appreciate being called MOHs, so I decided to have 3 and my other girls are just bridesmaids. My best friend actually promoted me after she asked me, so all the stuff I got from her when she asked me to be her bridesmaid says bridesmaid but I was her maid of honor. A lot of it had to do with her matron of honor not being very helpful as well and she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.