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August 2020

Declining being a bridesmaid

Samantha, on November 13, 2019 at 1:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Is it okay to decline being in a best friend’s wedding? She was one of my bridesmaids a few years ago. I have 2 young children under 2 and barely have time for my own self care nevermind everything that comes with being a bridesmaid. I obviously want to be a part of her big day but I know that I cannot offer the time and money she deserves. My eldest has minor medical issues so cannot just leave her with any babysitter for things like the bachelorette, wedding dress shopping, etc. My husband works odd hours including overnights so he isn’t always able to watch the kids. How do you even go about declining?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Trinity, on November 14, 2019 at 9:57 AM

Dedicated October 2020
Rebeca · on November 13, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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Just what you said. That you would love to be a part of it, but you can’t offer the time and money that she deserves. I think she’ll understand. Being In wedding is a lot of work and money. Good luck!
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VIP September 2019
Lauren · on November 13, 2019 at 2:00 PM
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If she is your best friend I would just talk to her and lay out all your concerns. Let her know that you can't commit time to pre-wedding events but (if you can) buy the dress she chooses and stand by her side on the wedding day. If you can't manage that just let her know you would love to support her as a guest. She should understand, I would never want my friends to put themselves out for my wedding.
In general it is not required to attend pre-wedding events such as dress shopping, bridal showers, and bachelorettes. The only requirement is buying the dress and showing up.
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Super October 2020
Megan · on November 13, 2019 at 2:16 PM
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I think everything you said was fine to say; it made complete sense and is very pragmatic of you to realize it now, not a month before your friend’s wedding, like so many horror stories on here state. If she’s your friend, and she knows what you’re going through, she should understand!

Do you think you would be able to attend the wedding as a guest? Maybe let her know this when you have the discussion.

You aren’t required to attend any pre-wedding events, though. Even though it is nice to.
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Lady · on November 13, 2019 at 2:43 PM
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I think PP's are right. Talk to your friend and just tell her that you would love to buy the dress and stand by her on her big day, but will not be able to plan or attend any pre-wedding events. If she's a good friend she probably already has an idea of how crazy your life is and will be ok with you just being there the day of.
If you don't feel comfortable doing that, it's totally fine to say no. If she isn't understanding if you tell her the above, then she's being a bridezilla and you should say no.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on November 13, 2019 at 2:44 PM
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Just be honest!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on November 13, 2019 at 3:11 PM
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I think you're so valid for declining and I tell my friends you don't always have to say yes when asked for these things because it really is a commitment and in a lot of weddings it isn't just about only buying the dress and showing up. I think what you wrote here made a lot of sense so just iterate to her that youre supportive and happy for her but at this time it's not the best for you in terms of your time and mindset and finances.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on November 13, 2019 at 5:59 PM
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I think it's totally fine to decline! You have every right to say no if you don't think you're able to
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Devoted May 2021
Trinity · on November 14, 2019 at 9:57 AM
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It's totally ok. I am actually on the other side of the situation. I am a bride and really want my best friend to be my BM. I told her that I would pay for her hair, and doesn't require her to attend any parties except for rehearsal and wedding day. She has no kids, no elderly to take care of, and still declined. Another one of my BMs has a 1 year old and agreed to be my BM. I don't want my friends to be unhappy, so I rather accept their decline.
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