Declining a vendor

We've reached out to each vendor we didn't pick to thank them for their time and let them know that we went in a different direction. We only had one instance where a vendor kept emailing us to ask why and who we ended up picking instead. We thought she was asking too much, so we said we were not comfortable giving her the other vendor's name. She then replied that she wanted to know because she wasn't aware of other comparable photographers in the area and that she just wanted to know what else was out there. Then, she said she just wanted ideas for her website by looking at other local photographers' websites. We stopped responding.

The awkward photographer is doing my cousin's wedding at the end of September. That's who referred us. Maybe she's forgotten about her bride's cousin who didn't pick her.

Jay, chill. Hanging up is how you end a call.

I reached out via e-mail, if someone reached back out to me I replied. But if they didn't care enough to reach back out to me I didn't care enough to reach back out to them. The vendors time is valuable, but so is mine. And the few who did, I was similar to Sass. I told them I was interested and hung up. This wasn't a 5 year relationship, it was an inquiry. It shouldn't take more than 30 seconds to say thanks but no thanks and end the call.

Knowing you need hand holding and excuses just lowers you even further in my estimation. Also you never came back to respond to us a few weeks ago about discrepancies we found on your website and your vendor page here.

I feel like Jay is one of those people that sues for bad reviews on Yelp...

@Sass, you're probably right. I assume he got booty bothered because he's had more than one person actually hang up on him.

ETA: I can't spell

Bacon Curly Girl, probably.

Also, who the hell can remember every single vendor they've ever reached out to when they went to freaking bridal expos like I did? So yeah, some of us don't have the opportunity to call and say, "oh by the way, we had no meaningful contact but I'm not hiring you! See ya!" because we don't even remember the various places, and our only chance is when they decide to call and ask if we are still interested.

@Sass exactly!

No, I was bringing to light that treating a potential service provider you've been talking to like a pesky telemarketer is rude, which I stand by that statement. Hanging up when the dialog is finished, that's a given. You made it sound like you said, nope, we moved on with someone, click. Otherwise why mention hanging up?

Because that's how you end a phone call.

But Jay, what else do you need to know once a potential client says they've picked someone else? That couple has likely already signed a contract with the vendor they did pick, so why spend precious time elongating the conversation?

Oh I'm sorry I didn't include the "thanks anyway bye" because you take everything so goddamn literally.

Ring ring: Oh it's Jay Farrell Photography!

I appreciate the phone call! Why Hello! Thank you so much for taking your precious time to call me! FH and I will actually be going with another photographer because we don't appreciate how rude you are to the people you interact with on forums and assumably in real life. But so glad you reached out! Wait-hel...hello? Oh you're not there anymore because you realized you had other potential sales to make? Oh, well I guess I just have to pout because our exchange wasn't all rainbows and butterflies like I expected and I shouldn't respect that you had better things to do...

PS Jay, your original comment is now hidden, so apparently we're not the only ones who think you're being rude (once again) to the brides of this site.

What does your assistant do by the way? I truly want to know.

Yea I wait for them to reach out and say we are going in a different direction. I'll have a lot of those in my near future.

I don't see anything wrong with a politely worded email. I don't see any reason that you should HAVE to get on the phone to turn people down. Doing it in writing is not rude.

I've honestly never had this conversation take place on the phone, it's always been an email. I always appreciate them letting me know. I can usually read between the lines and figure out if it was a budget thing, or otherwise not a fit stylistically etc. If I feel we were working great together in the conversation part / getting to know about their event, and they really appreciate what I offer, I am always sad to hear it, but I respect their choice. I usually don't need to ask them anything, on occasion I may ask if anything specific lead them to their decision, and they've always been gracious enough to tell me, I don't need details and I won't badger them.

If it were a phone call, if that's all they said and then hung up immediately, although many here may not agree, I think it's curt. Not much else to say but I'd at least want to thank them for considering me, and wish them the best for the wedding. Then they might say thank you, have a good day, I say you too, take care. Then we both hang up. I always do send them a thank you for letting me know by email. A couple have come back to me later.

You think it's curt, I think it's respecting the fact both of us have more important things to do and the other person's time is just as valuable.

I wonder why they came back to you...

I don't have a problem with a short phone call, an email, a text or anything else. But when I've spent over an hour with a couple on Skype, FT or phone, (which is pretty standard for me) sent them samples, their clerk information and ritual element wording (which they can absolutely give to their cousin or cheap shitty officiant)....

I think I deserve more than crickets. Even if it's 'thank you, we are doing something else."

I would just call them and let them know "Thank you for your time, but we have went another route" something along those lines.

Think of this way -- you've gone through three interviews at a company offering a position you really want. They've all but signed on the dotted line, but their words lead you to believe you've got the job and all you need to do is to select the photos you want to put on your desk. They let you know that you'll hear from them by "next week". Monday comes...no call, but you're not worried. Tuesday comes...still nothing, but you're holding fast. By Wednesday, you know that your chances depreciate if the afternoon passes and you don't receive a call. By Thursday, you're lying to yourself. By Friday, you're embarrassed that you ever told anyone about your "new position". It sucks, and on a purely human level, it would be nice to know that the competition is over.

As far as our business is concerned, we don't ask people why they didn't select us, but we truly appreciate knowing that we can clear the date and book someone else. It's just the nature of the business -- you can have a killer consult with the bride telling you that she's going to send you a deposit check, but then...crickets. If we get a call from another interested party who wants to book the same date the enthusiastic client just said she wanted to book, it seriously complicates things. If you don't let us know ASAP that you've gone in a different direction, we could lose another job. That's why I sincerely appreciate a heads up.

If you want to be nice, just set your potential vendor free. Honestly, their businesses will not rise or fall depending upon one job. If they ask what the problem was or why you chose someone else, you're not obligated to answer unless you want to.