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DabC
Dedicated January 2021

Decline wedding gift (cash)

DabC, on January 4, 2021 at 8:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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Hello wedding wire,


Guess who's married now!? ME! Yay! lol

Ok scenario and question: 1 of my best friends asked me at the wedding if she could cashapp me because she didn't have time to stop at a bank. I kinda laughed and said "girl you're fine" in a "I don't even need a gift from you" kind of tone.

(My wedding was Saturday) So this morning (Monday) she cashapped me $100 with a note that this is all she can afford. I really want to decline it but I don't know how to politely do so. She just purchased a house recently, that she's still trying to furnish. Plus, we have a business (with our other besties also) where we pay monthly dues and she hasn't submitted her December payment. I hate that she felt obligated to give me money that she really didnt have. We've been friends for 22 years, I know how she feels about me and she has held me down on numerous occasions. She really didn't have to gift us. But I also know, she is classy and would never want to show up somewhere empty handed.

Any suggestions on how to decline? Or is that just not something I can do?


15 Comments

Latest activity by DabC, on January 9, 2021 at 12:22 AM
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I would maybe reach out to her and thank her for her generosity, but explain what you said here. You know the circumstances she is in and you do not want to take her money. Then see what she says.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    You can decline the money, saying “your presence was your present”. Or you could use the money to pay her December dues.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with Chrysta!

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would take a different approach to this. I wouldn't decline the gift as that might make her feel bad. Instead, I'd accept it and essentially give it back to her in a really nice housewarming present - maybe a $50 gift card to Lowe's, a $50 gift card to wherever she's furnishing her home from, a bottle of wine, and a nice set of dishtowels in a color she likes. That way you aren't refusing and she feels like she gave you a gift, even if you've essentially given it back Smiley smile

    Chrysta also had a good suggestion of paying her December dues.

    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I like Chrysta's suggestion of paying her December dues, and i also like Tiger Bride's suggestion of the housewarming gifts! Personally, I like both of those better than declining the gift. But you know what's best since you've been friends with her for so long!

    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated September 2021
    Lw ·
    • Flag
    I think paying her dues (if it wouldn’t make any legal mess since it’s a business) or a housewarming gift. A gift card to Amazon or some other generic place sounds like a great idea!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Master October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Normally I would say to accept a gift graciously and send a prompt thank you and be done with it, even if it's not something you want since that is the polite thing to do. However since this gift makes you feel guilty accepting it, this is an acceptable alternative. You won't be able to do that with every guest though.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    I was also going to suggest maybe anonymously putting it toward her monthly dues. I don’t love the idea of declining a gift, I know I’d feel embarrassed if even one of my besties did that to me. I also know that I personally wouldn’t give more than I could comfortably afford. If I gave $100 and said it was all I could afford, it wouldn’t necessarily mean I could barely afford the $100 but rather “hey I love you and I’d give you way more if I could but I can’t do that” ...If you’re concerned for her financial well being, you can take the gift but give back in other ways. Other ideas are grabbing the bill the next time you’re out for a meal, or a nice housewarming gift
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Can't you use the money for her December dues?
    • Reply
  • DabC
    Dedicated January 2021
    DabC ·
    • Flag

    Thank you for the advice everyone. I just went ahead and told her how I felt and it's all good. She's always saying how much she loves my honesty so no need for me to not live up to it now. She's not offended, she's thankful and actually told me to use it toward dues. At that point I had already returned it so she said she will catch up on dues by the end of the month, so I know she needed it.

    As far as the housewarming suggestions, I just wanted to decline the money because I know she needs it right now. She's getting an awesome housewarming gift from us still.

    Same for the dues, if she had it, it would have been paid. Months ago she was ahead of everyone paying a month in advance. So the most important thing for me was to return the money, not replace it.

    • Reply
  • Meaghan
    Savvy July 2022
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag

    I like the idea of accepting it and give her $100 in a gift card for the house back - paying her dues would make it awkward with the other partners. But I would wait a month before giving her the housewarming gift - you don't want to be super obvious what you are doing.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Love this suggestion!

    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    You're a good friend and person.

    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think a housewarming gift is perfect! I would definitely do that over paying her dues. That way it’s more of a gift than a helpful handout.
    • Reply
  • DabC
    Dedicated January 2021
    DabC ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Aww. thank you so much Vicky, I strive to be.

    • Reply

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