Decline wedding gift (cash)

I would maybe reach out to her and thank her for her generosity, but explain what you said here. You know the circumstances she is in and you do not want to take her money. Then see what she says.

You can decline the money, saying “your presence was your present”. Or you could use the money to pay her December dues.

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I agree with Chrysta!

I would take a different approach to this. I wouldn't decline the gift as that might make her feel bad. Instead, I'd accept it and essentially give it back to her in a really nice housewarming present - maybe a $50 gift card to Lowe's, a $50 gift card to wherever she's furnishing her home from, a bottle of wine, and a nice set of dishtowels in a color she likes. That way you aren't refusing and she feels like she gave you a gift, even if you've essentially given it back

Chrysta also had a good suggestion of paying her December dues.

I like Chrysta's suggestion of paying her December dues, and i also like Tiger Bride's suggestion of the housewarming gifts! Personally, I like both of those better than declining the gift. But you know what's best since you've been friends with her for so long!

I think paying her dues (if it wouldn’t make any legal mess since it’s a business) or a housewarming gift. A gift card to Amazon or some other generic place sounds like a great idea!

View Quoted Comment Normally I would say to accept a gift graciously and send a prompt thank you and be done with it, even if it's not something you want since that is the polite thing to do. However since this gift makes you feel guilty accepting it, this is an acceptable alternative. You won't be able to do that with every guest though.

I was also going to suggest maybe anonymously putting it toward her monthly dues. I don’t love the idea of declining a gift, I know I’d feel embarrassed if even one of my besties did that to me. I also know that I personally wouldn’t give more than I could comfortably afford. If I gave $100 and said it was all I could afford, it wouldn’t necessarily mean I could barely afford the $100 but rather “hey I love you and I’d give you way more if I could but I can’t do that” ...If you’re concerned for her financial well being, you can take the gift but give back in other ways. Other ideas are grabbing the bill the next time you’re out for a meal, or a nice housewarming gift

Can't you use the money for her December dues?

Thank you for the advice everyone. I just went ahead and told her how I felt and it's all good. She's always saying how much she loves my honesty so no need for me to not live up to it now. She's not offended, she's thankful and actually told me to use it toward dues. At that point I had already returned it so she said she will catch up on dues by the end of the month, so I know she needed it.

As far as the housewarming suggestions, I just wanted to decline the money because I know she needs it right now. She's getting an awesome housewarming gift from us still.

Same for the dues, if she had it, it would have been paid. Months ago she was ahead of everyone paying a month in advance. So the most important thing for me was to return the money, not replace it.

I like the idea of accepting it and give her $100 in a gift card for the house back - paying her dues would make it awkward with the other partners. But I would wait a month before giving her the housewarming gift - you don't want to be super obvious what you are doing.

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Love this suggestion!

You're a good friend and person.

View Quoted Comment I think a housewarming gift is perfect! I would definitely do that over paying her dues. That way it’s more of a gift than a helpful handout.

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Aww. thank you so much Vicky, I strive to be.