Dealing with toxic family before wedding...

My dad's entire side of the family will not be invited to my wedding. I mourned the decision when I got engaged and it was reaffirmed when no one reached out as an olive branch. I had been estranged from my grandmother for 2 years after I found out she was talking badly about my family on FB and I tried to address it. She then did her work to make sure no one else in the family communicated with me. I knew by making the decision to not invite anyone early on, I'd be saving myself the pain of being let down, hurt, or embarrassed - especially since we used to be extremely close.

Are you able to talk with these family members and directly express your issues without it blowing up? If not, I would reach out and say shortly but sweetly that they are no longer able to come, that you love them very much and it's a difficult decision. They will be upset - that is unavoidable but you need to protect yourself and your fiancé - this is YOUR day and your energy should not be spent on things like these. It is painful - I 100% empathize with you on that - but do what YOU need.

Yup! We ended up uninviting both of my husbands grandmothers and his father as well because they are toxic and shady. At the end of the day your happiness is what matters and the family that you are creating is priority!


It's definitely unfortunate, but don't let people be toxic towards you just because they're family. If you allow that to happen then they'll continue to do it for the rest of their lives.

Yep! My sister for the fact she can't act like an adult and actually not try to argue with my fiancé. I'm just sad because I wanted my nephews there but I know she won't allow it. On my fiancés side so far his father and step mother are not invited along with his brother. His dad and step mother started out with a great relationship with me and after a stupid incident (it was literally really stupid) he got pissed and every time I see them they refuse to speak to me. He apologized for the incident while drunk so I didn't actually accept it. His brother is unfortunately just like my sister and just likes to pick fights that aren't worth fighting. I don't want drama so why invite them. I also refuse to be ignored by my own in laws at my wedding. If they can't figure out their differences then it's not worth them being there. A lot of people think their opinions are going to change you and that's just not how life works! If I'm happy how things are then why bother. They want to be absent in my life for big events that's on their conscience not mine.

Unfortunately some people are toxic. Cut all ties with them before the wedding. The fact they share blood with you is irrelevant. No one deserves to be miserable at the hands of a toxic/abusive relative. Only share your day and your life with those who love and support you 100%, nothing less. Also cut out who pressure and guilt you to involving the toxicity.

But to answer your question, we cut out people who are toxic and abusive. They were never considered to part of the guest list in the first place. Many of my relatives were not considered to be invited for that reason and while some others don't understand it, it's not up them to judge and if they do, we don't want them in attendance.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but can totally understand why! You have no other options- still hurts though.

View Quoted Comment Dang. I'm sorry you're going through it too. Its comforting to know I'm not alone so thank you for taking the time to respond. Talking with my toxic family is what ultimately led to the decision to cut them off. My brother has been mentally unstable for the last 4 years and my family has tried to get him help but he refuses. He recently tried to attack my dad over a board game (I can't make this stuff up lol) and his baby's mom's parents got a restraining order on him due to his threats. I stood my ground and wouldn't support his behavior and told him I wanted nothing to do with it until he's willing to get help. Naturally he lashed out on my with a fury so the decision was easy to come by. My cousin took his side and is now ganging up on the family with him. She's an alcoholic so she stopped communicating with our family years ago because the majority of us are sober. Its a freaking mess lol. I'm sad but relieved they won't be there. I was already uncomfortable with inviting them so I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it anymore. Thanks for listening. I hope your wedding is awesome and is the best day ever!

View Quoted Comment Thanks you for the kind words and support. Means a lot.

View Quoted Comment I'm glad I'm not alone. Cutting people off is definitely not easy but unfortunately it seems like the best option when the other people refuse to take any responsibility for their actions. I'm glad I cut them off. It has really been affecting my mental health and I can't let them take me down with them. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I hope you have a super awesome wedding

View Quoted Comment Oh wow. You totally get it. It's so hard when it's a sibling. I'm sad my brother is a psycho and will miss this huge day for me. It's feels like the ultimate slap in my face. I can't say I'm surprised though. He has serious mental issues and is constantly blaming the world for his problems. It's really delusional. We've tried to get him help for years but he refuses and it seems like the older he gets the gnarlier his behavior becomes. He's really gone off the deep end lately and has tried to physically attack my dad and has really sank in to his emotional abuse on all of us. It's sad because he has my niece and she is the innocent party in all of this. If we don't see him...we don't see her. That's why we have put up with him for so long but now he's gone too far. I'm relieved he won't be there because I didn't want him there anyways lol but I'm sad my niece won't be there. She's the best.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. We’d be cutting my fiancé’s sister if it wasn’t for his parents...


We still have to tell the best man that his fiancée is no longer welcome. She never speaks to my fiancé normally. They aren’t even friends, but she took it upon herself to get involved in a situation that involved us and my fiancé’s family. She decided to tell him all about how he should leave me, more than once. She is toxic, and neither of us want to be around her or have her present at our wedding. We fully expect the best man to drop out, and my fiancé’s family is going to flip.

View Quoted Comment Awww man. That's rough. Sorry you are going through that. You definitely aren't alone. It's crazy how weddings kinda force us to set boundaries huh? Lol. I never thought creating a guest list would force me to deal with stuff I probably wasn't really dealing with. My parents were also the ones who said I had to invite my brother. Even before these recent events I was thinking about asking him not to come. He honestly made it easier for me by freaking out on everyone and acting like a psycho.


I definitely would expect the best man to bow out and maybe it might ruin the friendship. Maybe not though. You never know. I think its important to put yourselves first. Weddings are obviously a day to celebrate and a day where you shouldn't have to worry about anything except loving your hubs and having a lot of fun with people who love and support you both. Also they are expensive as hell and it would be awful if a toxic guest took it upon themselves to have a selfish episode and ruin it.
As painful and difficult as it was to uninvite my family members I can honestly say I'm relieved. Its nice to know they don't have an opportunity to ruin my day and it's nice to know I won't be stressed about it the day of. It's still really sad though. I truly hope you find peace with your situation and have an awesome worry and drama free wedding.

I'm sorry, I know what this is like.

We didn't invite my father's side of the family, because we aren't close. I lived within 2 miles of one cousin for nearly a decade... and saw her once.

My mother WAS invited, but she saw the invitations and declined to come (they didn't have her name on it, and she was *offended*). She made the rest of her family decline/ignore the invite, too. We haven't spoken since June '19. ...This has made me very happy and much healthier.

The thing about family is that.... doesn't mean you're close, or healthy, or happy around each other. It just means you share some DNA in common.

Do not feel pressured to have people around you who are toxic or abusive to you.

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It is always very difficult when someone is going through something and refuses to get help. But just because they are going through something does not give them license to treat other people terribly.

If your brother is that much of a loose canon, I would possibly consider hiring security as well if you feel it is necessary. My parents had to do that for their wedding to prevent some uninvited members from causing a scene and it gave them a piece of mind.

View Quoted Comment Dang that sucks what happened but I'm glad to hear you are happier and feel much better. I don't really feel pressured. I have a small family and there has been a lot of death and abandonment. I started going to therapy years ago and I actually moved 600 miles away for my fiance job (firefighter) so that helped a lot. My cousin and my uncle I could care less about I barely talk to them anyways. I just invited them out of obligation because my side of the family is so small. I put a lot of distance in between my brother and I even before this but he actually started to get some help through therapy and seemed like he was getting better so I let him back in but for whatever reason he flipped and backslid like a million steps and now is much much worse. I've always had a hard time giving up on him completely but the decision to cut him off came easy this time. Its just too painful and toxic and I've allowed it to effect me too much. I don't want to let it affect me any longer. I have to take care of my own mental health. I feel relieved he won't be there because I was uncomfortable with it from the beginning. I only wanted my niece to attend but now I know its not worth it. I'm sad but I gotta do what's best for me.